Having a baby.
Notifications OFF
Just a rant really if I'm going to be honest. I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant. Because of complications and things they want baby out by 37 weeks. Which leaves me 3 weeks. Infact just under because I'm 34 weeks and 3 days. Anyway. Noone will tell me a plan on whether partner is allowed at the hospital, I asked about whether or not ill be allowed to stay at my partners families house and again noone is giving me an answer and just told me to wait until the next meeting. I have a new social worker and she's great but she said she hasn't red our case properly to be able to make a decision about what's going to have to happen which again 3 weeks away from giving birth isn't great news for me. I just need to know so if he's not allowed to the hospital or I'm not allowed to stay with his family then I can make other arrangements I'm only this bothered because I'm having a csection and i have a one year old to worry about aswell. I don't know if me being this stressed about it is silly or not. I know falling pregnant was silly especially when he'd just been sentenced and i should have expected this, but it was a silly drunken night after court and here we are I just want a plan????????
it's a horrible situation, in my experience I was told a safeguarding midwife may be able to facilitate my partner being at the birth. i never saw her. ss had said he couldn't be there, I luckily had an uncomplicated birth but sadly did give birth alone(induction due to pre eclampsia that was very quick).
our knock was only 9 weeks ago, baby is now 2 weeks old and I'm still waiting for ss to confirm if they will allow supervised contact. gonna pop our social worker another txt tomorrow as its starting to annoy me how evert contact we have she says she will call out next week yet it never happens, seen her once 8 weeks ago.
I'd really think about making a back up plan and be kind to yourself. Baby blues hit me like a brick wall
our knock was only 9 weeks ago, baby is now 2 weeks old and I'm still waiting for ss to confirm if they will allow supervised contact. gonna pop our social worker another txt tomorrow as its starting to annoy me how evert contact we have she says she will call out next week yet it never happens, seen her once 8 weeks ago.
I'd really think about making a back up plan and be kind to yourself. Baby blues hit me like a brick wall
I am so furiously angry on your behalves ladies. I do hope that somewhere in this godawful system that there is a sensible and compassionate arrangement for the weeks ahead for you both, for you marauder as you approach your baby arriving and also these early day arrangements mum1982H. It's just a pity that nobody thinks it's important to give you both some peace of mind or time to adjust. Don't the powers that be know the dangers of extreme stress in pregnancy and post partum care? Even more than the rest of us you both should be receiving kid glove treatment on behalf of yourself and your new precious babies, within the remit of safety which I'm sure you agree with.
Your new SW might be great but that is no excuse for 'not having time' to read your case notes. Can you ask someone in your prenatal team to contact SS and tell them to get a move on or maybe someone in your extended families? I doubt if either of you have the strength or resilience to do it at the moment so you need an advocate to complain about the dangers and pitfalls of causing unecessary stress to a new mother.
If I knew you myself I would do it for you. At the very least this is careless and thoughtless. I'm so very sorry and wish you both the very best for the days ahead but do lean on this forum for some TLC albeit virtual. There are lots of us Mums and Nanas on here (I'm both!) xxx
Your new SW might be great but that is no excuse for 'not having time' to read your case notes. Can you ask someone in your prenatal team to contact SS and tell them to get a move on or maybe someone in your extended families? I doubt if either of you have the strength or resilience to do it at the moment so you need an advocate to complain about the dangers and pitfalls of causing unecessary stress to a new mother.
If I knew you myself I would do it for you. At the very least this is careless and thoughtless. I'm so very sorry and wish you both the very best for the days ahead but do lean on this forum for some TLC albeit virtual. There are lots of us Mums and Nanas on here (I'm both!) xxx
Hi,
what type of plan are you on? You don't need permission to stay anywhere with your children as long as your partner isn't staying there. Talk to your midwife about being transferred to a safeguarding midwife if you haven't already got one. Making them aware that you'd like him at the birth and asking what the steps are for post birth would be helpful. I know things don't move fast but you should have enough time to get an answer on him being at the birth in time. If you could have two birthing partners that would be better although I'm not sure how that works with a c section xxx
what type of plan are you on? You don't need permission to stay anywhere with your children as long as your partner isn't staying there. Talk to your midwife about being transferred to a safeguarding midwife if you haven't already got one. Making them aware that you'd like him at the birth and asking what the steps are for post birth would be helpful. I know things don't move fast but you should have enough time to get an answer on him being at the birth in time. If you could have two birthing partners that would be better although I'm not sure how that works with a c section xxx
Social services are saying it's up to my midwife whether or not he is allowed to be at the birth and it all depends on hospital policy. I have a safeguarding midwife, when I last see her she said she'd have an answer for me I went yesterday thinking I would see her amd get an answer but she was on annual leave for another 2 weeks and the midwife I did see didn't have an answer. They'll not allow 2 birth partners, I did suggest this because his sister can supervise contact I asked if she could be there too to put everyone's minds at risk and I was told no only one person can be there. My social worker has said because nothing is court ordered in the terms of contact, it's basically down to whoever is in charge of specific situations to make a decision if that makes any sense? ... I am going to give her a call on Wednesday and she said she would let me know about staying with my partners family. Everyone I talk too keeps telling me I can stay where I like which I get but I also don't want to piss anyone off by staying so far away and make things worse when I come back.
My children are all on a child protection plan, our next conference is 3 days before I have baby. Does anyone know if I have to go to the conference or can I choose not too attend? .. my last conference was horrific and they was all so nasty to me I don't think I have it in me to go through it again that close to having a baby. Especially when I'm not sure if I'll even have any child care that day so I'd possibly have to take my 1 year old with me.
My children are all on a child protection plan, our next conference is 3 days before I have baby. Does anyone know if I have to go to the conference or can I choose not too attend? .. my last conference was horrific and they was all so nasty to me I don't think I have it in me to go through it again that close to having a baby. Especially when I'm not sure if I'll even have any child care that day so I'd possibly have to take my 1 year old with me.
Marauder it's appalling treatment but sadly all too common. My son and his wife had to go through the same thing. They did eventually get agreement that he could go into the delivery room but was not allowed to be on the ward. You could try emailing the head of midwifery and ask that someone gets back to you with a decision by the end of the week in the absence of the safeguarding midwife.
Your partner will be allowed in the hospital and if his restriction is no unsupervised access to under 18's then in theory he should be allowed in for the birth. Until baby is born he will not be alone with any under 18's and once baby is born he could stay whilst others are around.
Please let us know how you get on and if there's anything anyone here can do to help.
Your partner will be allowed in the hospital and if his restriction is no unsupervised access to under 18's then in theory he should be allowed in for the birth. Until baby is born he will not be alone with any under 18's and once baby is born he could stay whilst others are around.
Please let us know how you get on and if there's anything anyone here can do to help.
Yeah his shpo Is no unsupervised access to anyone under the age of 18. Currently his sister is the only person cleared to supervise access with the children so my thinking is, maybe he'd be allowed in theatre during the csection because of the amount of doctors and things and then maybe they'd allow him on the ward with his sister present? .. but I don't want to think that's a possibility just to be let down. If he can't then he's just going to go to his sisters (who will have our daughter) and be with her so I can atleast rest knowing them two are together. I just don't want to get my hopes up because I've done that alot recently and it never ends up well. I've sort of developed the mentality of 'expect the worst but hope for the best'
I'll text my social worker and tell her it's making me really anxious not having a plan in place.
I'll text my social worker and tell her it's making me really anxious not having a plan in place.
Hi,
I don't post often anymore, or even visit the forum often. I was 8 weeks pregnant at the knock and gave birth 6/7 weeks after sentencing.
Our son never went on anything more than a child in need plan and we closed to all social care involvement when he was 15 days old.
His Dad was allowed at the birth, has been allowed unsupervised access from day 1 and has never had to move out. We were told pre birth we would need to see the safeguarding midwife before we were discharged but our SW gave the go ahead that as long as baby and I were medically fit to go home that the hospital were to let us go. The hospital failed to tell me this though and kept us in for 3 days post birth and when my SW found out and came to see us (purely to visit our baby) she was furious and said had she known they hadn't let me know she'd have contacted me herself.
Things CAN be positive and I wanted to reply just to show that to you. Our son is now a year old, no professionals involved in his life (HV, GP, Dentist, consultants at the hospital for medical needs) have any concerns about him or his safety.
Take care, I hope you have a atraught forward birth and congratulations on your new bundle of joy x
I don't post often anymore, or even visit the forum often. I was 8 weeks pregnant at the knock and gave birth 6/7 weeks after sentencing.
Our son never went on anything more than a child in need plan and we closed to all social care involvement when he was 15 days old.
His Dad was allowed at the birth, has been allowed unsupervised access from day 1 and has never had to move out. We were told pre birth we would need to see the safeguarding midwife before we were discharged but our SW gave the go ahead that as long as baby and I were medically fit to go home that the hospital were to let us go. The hospital failed to tell me this though and kept us in for 3 days post birth and when my SW found out and came to see us (purely to visit our baby) she was furious and said had she known they hadn't let me know she'd have contacted me herself.
Things CAN be positive and I wanted to reply just to show that to you. Our son is now a year old, no professionals involved in his life (HV, GP, Dentist, consultants at the hospital for medical needs) have any concerns about him or his safety.
Take care, I hope you have a atraught forward birth and congratulations on your new bundle of joy x
Just an update for anyone who may be wondering- we had a pre birth meeting this morning, although the midwife running the meeting was really quite very snotty and rude in her tone we finally have a plan and he is allowed at the birth, he has to stay by my side and I will habe to escort him to the toilet if he needs it. He will be allowed in theatre for the csection and in recovery with me. When we're back on the ward he will be able to be there as long as his sister who is currently supervising access is there too. Which is no problem. He will have to leave the ward by 8pm, but overall a whole lot better than I was expected. The midwife running the meeting told me that everyone at the hospital would be informed but when I spoke to my safeguarding midwife she told me that that isn't the case and only the doctor and the midwife in charge of my care will be aware of the situation. The midwife then said that If I have a csection on a Thursday or Friday they would keep me in all weekend as social services wouldn't be about to agree for me to go home but my social worker said that that isn't the case and there is no plans or discussions to remove baby from me so she will be ringing and allowing the discharge in advance.
That certainly sounds more reasonable, I'm really pleased you now have a birth plan.
That's good to hear that now you atleast know he can be with you and you can have your baby in peace hun happy for you .