Family court - anyone experienced this?
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Hi everyone,
It has been a while since I've posted, but something new has come up I want to address and see if anyone has been in a similar situation or heard of one.
My partner was sentenced to 7 years for comms and images produced as part of that by multiple younger females (no physical contact). I won't go into the backstory, as there's too much to explain and doesn't really relate to the question.
Anyway - the offences he is still stating he hasn't committed happened in 2019. He had a wife at the time, and they had a baby in 2021. She was allowed, in court, to have a victim statement read out which stated he hasn't allowed her to have a normal motherhood... (last time I checked no one has been pregnant for 2 years, so I have my opinions on that being allowed).
Since being sentenced, she has completely changed her tune about access, which she was all for originally, stating before court that she knows he would never do anything to hurt their daughter.
She is now trying to change their daughters name and stop all forms of contact until she is 18. On sentencing, the judge stated that even the lifelong SOR and SHPO wouldn't affect his daughter and contact, even if it has to be supervised.
From what I've read online, judges can only actually strip parental rights, and therefore, contact if an offence committed resulted in physical r**e of a child under 13.
Has anyone heard of/found a judge to remove rights from the paternal father for a non-contact and non-family related offence? She's dragging him through family court proceedings to try and get this put into place.
We all still believe the sentence was long and unjust, but his mental health is in such a state, he's not sure he can go through it all again even if we decided to try and appeal. On setencing, we were told that if he tried to appeal, time would be added onto his setence if he was found guilty again, which I again am now pondering if this is true.
We have spoken, in depth of the repercussions of not appealing (not being able to apply to be removed from the SHPO for 5 years minimum, having to have that removed first before trying to apply to have the SOR removed, difficult contact arrangements etc) but he thinks and feels going through it all again might break him.
Thanks!
It has been a while since I've posted, but something new has come up I want to address and see if anyone has been in a similar situation or heard of one.
My partner was sentenced to 7 years for comms and images produced as part of that by multiple younger females (no physical contact). I won't go into the backstory, as there's too much to explain and doesn't really relate to the question.
Anyway - the offences he is still stating he hasn't committed happened in 2019. He had a wife at the time, and they had a baby in 2021. She was allowed, in court, to have a victim statement read out which stated he hasn't allowed her to have a normal motherhood... (last time I checked no one has been pregnant for 2 years, so I have my opinions on that being allowed).
Since being sentenced, she has completely changed her tune about access, which she was all for originally, stating before court that she knows he would never do anything to hurt their daughter.
She is now trying to change their daughters name and stop all forms of contact until she is 18. On sentencing, the judge stated that even the lifelong SOR and SHPO wouldn't affect his daughter and contact, even if it has to be supervised.
From what I've read online, judges can only actually strip parental rights, and therefore, contact if an offence committed resulted in physical r**e of a child under 13.
Has anyone heard of/found a judge to remove rights from the paternal father for a non-contact and non-family related offence? She's dragging him through family court proceedings to try and get this put into place.
We all still believe the sentence was long and unjust, but his mental health is in such a state, he's not sure he can go through it all again even if we decided to try and appeal. On setencing, we were told that if he tried to appeal, time would be added onto his setence if he was found guilty again, which I again am now pondering if this is true.
We have spoken, in depth of the repercussions of not appealing (not being able to apply to be removed from the SHPO for 5 years minimum, having to have that removed first before trying to apply to have the SOR removed, difficult contact arrangements etc) but he thinks and feels going through it all again might break him.
Thanks!
Hi,
when was he arrested? I was pregnant when my partner was arrested and can honestly say that I feel robbed of my motherhood with our daughter and the last part of my older children's childhood because of my partners offending and subsequent ss involvement. Wanted to touch on that to acknowledge that unless she was fully aware of all of the details and repercussions which it's likely she wasn't, nothing can prepare you for this as a co parent with an offender.
Is she looking to change daughters name due to fear of repercussions from media exposure? If he has recently been sentenced she might not have had all the details until it went to court and this might be a fear based reaction. If he has no contact whilst in prison then reintroducing him into a young child's life who doesn't know him by the time he's released could do more damage to the child than good. I'm sorry if this seems harsh but these are things family court will take into account xxx
when was he arrested? I was pregnant when my partner was arrested and can honestly say that I feel robbed of my motherhood with our daughter and the last part of my older children's childhood because of my partners offending and subsequent ss involvement. Wanted to touch on that to acknowledge that unless she was fully aware of all of the details and repercussions which it's likely she wasn't, nothing can prepare you for this as a co parent with an offender.
Is she looking to change daughters name due to fear of repercussions from media exposure? If he has recently been sentenced she might not have had all the details until it went to court and this might be a fear based reaction. If he has no contact whilst in prison then reintroducing him into a young child's life who doesn't know him by the time he's released could do more damage to the child than good. I'm sorry if this seems harsh but these are things family court will take into account xxx
I'm with Distressed on this. The impact on the non-offending partner is horrific, especially when there are children involved, and it can take a long time to get answers and then to fully work through all the emotions. So I really wouldn't judge her for seeming inconsistency or for feeling robbed of her experience of early motherhood. I would assume she is acting in what she sincerely thinks are her child's best interests (I say this as a parent who is still awaiting answers & would ultimately be prepared to go NC if I felt it necessary). Your partner might feel that NC isn't in the child's best interests, but ultimately it's only the child's interests which matter. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I do think the best place to start is empathy for the mother & what she has been through.
Ok - maybe I didn't explain this very well.
He was arrested in 2019 - she wasn't already pregnant at that point.. so maybe now you see my point?
That wasn't my question either way..
He was arrested in 2019 - she wasn't already pregnant at that point.. so maybe now you see my point?
That wasn't my question either way..
I did aim to answer your question regarding family court denying access. There is a woman on here in a similar situation to yourself and a judge ruled reintroducing the father wasn't in the best interests of the children after years of no contact. Hopefully she can provide you with further information and support on this xxx
It somewhat clarifies things, but she's allowed to change her mind in the midst of a really awful situation. I think much of what I said still stands. You clearly dislike her & that's probably not a good starting point.
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What should he do to manage his offending, if he keeps saying he's innocent and this isn't something he's done? Managing and doing something to 'change' something he's continuing to say he hasn't done isn't going to happen. Social services don't have any say in this new matter as of yet, as it is still going through family court proceedings - I am sure they will be contacted as part of the matter in due course.
So, he has no choice other than to either:
A) Admit something he states categorically never happened
or
B) Come to his senses and realise it's something he can't mask anymore
I don't know if he did categorically - only he knows that. Yes, he was sentenced by jury. I am not saying it's something he has or hasn't done, as I can't tell anyone he has or hasn't.. all I can clearly say is he was sentenced.
"You clearly don't like her" - no, I don't think I do, you're quite right. I think if you're going to sleep with your partner and decide to get pregnant BY CHOICE OF ACTIVELY TRYING to get pregnant, even though you are aware of all charges made against him, and still continue to have a baby AFTER you're aware of all the charges made against your partner in full clarity.. then in my personal opinion, you've made that choice for the future of your pre-planned, unborn child. However, my thoughts and feelings about her really are irrelevant to the case at hand - this is simply freedom of speech. I would personally just never choose to put an innocent child in harms way actively by making that choice.. but now, I'm being made out to be the monster for having an opinion on not wanting to place another child in this situation?
She wants the name change now, 6 months post sentencing. Everyone already knows who she is, who her daughter is. Her daughter already knows her name, and to change her name and stop her seeing her dad completely, when he was already having arranged supervised visits before his custodial sentence might place additional stress on the child - he's not only thinking about his connection with his child, but the connection his child has with him.
LRF - yes, this is something I had considered.. but my point still is that this isn't something you should consider AFTER being pregnant and waiting 6 years to decide upon in total as he was arrested in 2019. I get you might have your own personal feelings towards this being in a situation of your own.. but thinking about the child rather than her own feelings for the man should have come first.
I feel for the ladies on the group that didn't know and are pregnant, who this has happened to during pregnancy without knowledge, and/or have had children and then something has occurred.. I really do.
So, he has no choice other than to either:
A) Admit something he states categorically never happened
or
B) Come to his senses and realise it's something he can't mask anymore
I don't know if he did categorically - only he knows that. Yes, he was sentenced by jury. I am not saying it's something he has or hasn't done, as I can't tell anyone he has or hasn't.. all I can clearly say is he was sentenced.
"You clearly don't like her" - no, I don't think I do, you're quite right. I think if you're going to sleep with your partner and decide to get pregnant BY CHOICE OF ACTIVELY TRYING to get pregnant, even though you are aware of all charges made against him, and still continue to have a baby AFTER you're aware of all the charges made against your partner in full clarity.. then in my personal opinion, you've made that choice for the future of your pre-planned, unborn child. However, my thoughts and feelings about her really are irrelevant to the case at hand - this is simply freedom of speech. I would personally just never choose to put an innocent child in harms way actively by making that choice.. but now, I'm being made out to be the monster for having an opinion on not wanting to place another child in this situation?
She wants the name change now, 6 months post sentencing. Everyone already knows who she is, who her daughter is. Her daughter already knows her name, and to change her name and stop her seeing her dad completely, when he was already having arranged supervised visits before his custodial sentence might place additional stress on the child - he's not only thinking about his connection with his child, but the connection his child has with him.
LRF - yes, this is something I had considered.. but my point still is that this isn't something you should consider AFTER being pregnant and waiting 6 years to decide upon in total as he was arrested in 2019. I get you might have your own personal feelings towards this being in a situation of your own.. but thinking about the child rather than her own feelings for the man should have come first.
I feel for the ladies on the group that didn't know and are pregnant, who this has happened to during pregnancy without knowledge, and/or have had children and then something has occurred.. I really do.
I have no experience of family court so can't give any advice on that. My ex has a court date set now and if he is sentenced to prison he would no longer have contact with his children (my decision) even though he has had supervised contact whilst being investigated. I would like to think your partners ex is trying to do what she feels is in the best interest of the child. It's a emotional rollercoaster one day you feel ok and then the next you are a mess and maybe it just took her a while to make decisions about the future.
I definitely did not want to make you feel like you're being made out to be a monster. Sometimes when you're in a heightened emotional state it's hard to see other viewpoints and I was trying to offer a snippet of the things the child's mother might be thinking or experiencing. She might not have been expecting him to be found guilty and the thought of her child visiting him in prison is too much for her now that's the reality she's facing. Is he hoping for his daughter to visit him in prison or is this for contact after release? xxx
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I think this has all been taken a little out of context.
I am venting my feelings about the situation in what I thought was a safe space.. which I now feel clearly isn't, and I'm being heavily judged for having an opinion on not wanting to place another child in this situation to begin with when you have a choice not to.
I would never say any of this to her directly, and in fact, I've not spoken to her at all since sentencing as it's not my place to, and we didn't have any form of relationship in the first place, as she didn't want to talk to me even though she doesn't know me as a person (her choice, not mine), due to being in a relationship with him. I understand the stress she must feel about the situation, and I'd never want to inflame her feelings or make things more difficult than they have to be directly.. even if I don't agree with her choices.
However, I am also allowed to have feelings or thoughts about her choices.. it doesn't mean I'd ever use it against her, and I certainly wouldn't use this to dig. All I wanted was a little bit of advice from someone who had maybe been in a similar situation in regard to family court proceedings specifically, to try and reassure him he's now alone and there are others who have experienced the same.
Thank you all for making me feel awful, it's been really helpful. I'm not going to post anymore now, and do this journey as a partner alone.
I am venting my feelings about the situation in what I thought was a safe space.. which I now feel clearly isn't, and I'm being heavily judged for having an opinion on not wanting to place another child in this situation to begin with when you have a choice not to.
I would never say any of this to her directly, and in fact, I've not spoken to her at all since sentencing as it's not my place to, and we didn't have any form of relationship in the first place, as she didn't want to talk to me even though she doesn't know me as a person (her choice, not mine), due to being in a relationship with him. I understand the stress she must feel about the situation, and I'd never want to inflame her feelings or make things more difficult than they have to be directly.. even if I don't agree with her choices.
However, I am also allowed to have feelings or thoughts about her choices.. it doesn't mean I'd ever use it against her, and I certainly wouldn't use this to dig. All I wanted was a little bit of advice from someone who had maybe been in a similar situation in regard to family court proceedings specifically, to try and reassure him he's now alone and there are others who have experienced the same.
Thank you all for making me feel awful, it's been really helpful. I'm not going to post anymore now, and do this journey as a partner alone.
I'm sorry you feel that way I don't think anyone intended you to feel upset it was just that you asked for advice but also described the mother as 'dragging' hint though court and made some remarks about her. That's probably what's triggered the advice about your relationship with her.
If it's just legal advice you want there's a really good forum run by the famy rights group.
But it is possible they will create a no contact order which will suspend the right to contact but not admonish the responsibility of financial support, on his release.
A family court judge will look at any actions taken to address the offending behaviour whilst your partner stated he's innocent the finding of guilt in criminal court will be taken as him being guilty, and the family court requires an even lower burden of proof.
They will consider the child best interests and whether contact will be in those best interests. Hopefully that answers your question, but the other forum is really good for contact issues.
If it's just legal advice you want there's a really good forum run by the famy rights group.
But it is possible they will create a no contact order which will suspend the right to contact but not admonish the responsibility of financial support, on his release.
A family court judge will look at any actions taken to address the offending behaviour whilst your partner stated he's innocent the finding of guilt in criminal court will be taken as him being guilty, and the family court requires an even lower burden of proof.
They will consider the child best interests and whether contact will be in those best interests. Hopefully that answers your question, but the other forum is really good for contact issues.
It wasn't my intention at all to upset you. I can only think of one lady who has been in the same situation as you but I can't remember what her username is. The reason I asked about if your partner was looking at trying to have contact whilst in prison is because it's such a long time to be absent from the child's life and then attempt to reintroduce him. I hope you see the reply about the family rights forum for legal advice as this is a good starting point. This is a safe space but it's also a space where people share their experiences and answer things honestly. No two situations are the same and whilst the written word leaves tone etc to interpretation none of us judge you. Your thoughts and feelings as valid just as everyone's are on here. I hope you find a solution wherever you decide is a safe space for you
OP, I have gotten pregnant by my husband after his arrest. He's since been NFAed, but I'm probably one of the women you would judge.
There's a possibility his ex-wife wasn't aware of the severity of his offending until the court case.
And it must have been severe if he received 7 years for a non-contact offence.
You might not like his ex wife and you might have valid reasons for it, but she was a victim in all of this, too.
There's a possibility his ex-wife wasn't aware of the severity of his offending until the court case.
And it must have been severe if he received 7 years for a non-contact offence.
You might not like his ex wife and you might have valid reasons for it, but she was a victim in all of this, too.
I'm currently 9 weeks post knock. my daughter is 17 days old. I am currently standing by OH and maybe I also don't know the truth or severity.
The last weeks of my pregnancy were so strained but nothing could prepare me for the way I'd have felt through birth and postnatally. Traumatic is the only word I can think to use. Having to put on a smile and try and explain why there's no dad around. I've ended up with seriously high blood pressure, I know there are many causes but I'm sure it's the stress. I'm always anxious, can't even plan to get shopping In.
in just 9 weeks I'd certainly say my experience of motherhood has been massively tainted. I'll never completely forgive my OH for this and if he's lied futher I'll cut him off. I would never say I'd stop contact but I'd not be bending over backwards to facilitate it.
Having a baby that was planned and very much wanted should be the most beautiful time. For that to be ripped away because of the other parents behaviour, when you thought everything was perfect is heartbreaking.
The last weeks of my pregnancy were so strained but nothing could prepare me for the way I'd have felt through birth and postnatally. Traumatic is the only word I can think to use. Having to put on a smile and try and explain why there's no dad around. I've ended up with seriously high blood pressure, I know there are many causes but I'm sure it's the stress. I'm always anxious, can't even plan to get shopping In.
in just 9 weeks I'd certainly say my experience of motherhood has been massively tainted. I'll never completely forgive my OH for this and if he's lied futher I'll cut him off. I would never say I'd stop contact but I'd not be bending over backwards to facilitate it.
Having a baby that was planned and very much wanted should be the most beautiful time. For that to be ripped away because of the other parents behaviour, when you thought everything was perfect is heartbreaking.