What have people told their children?
Notifications OFF
Hi,
My ex has court next month for his plea hearing. He has had regular supervised contact whilst being under investigation with his children however if he gets a prison sentence I don't know what to tell them. I didn't know whether I should lie to them and say he has gone working away to try and protect them as don't want them to have to carry the burden of worrying about what they say to friends etc about where their dad is (and don't want them telling people he's in prison for their own sake if it got found out why) If I did lie about where he is though it means more lies as why can't he FaceTime them etc
He might not get prison but feel I need to prepare for the worst and have a plan. What have other people told their children if their dad went to prison? (They are 8 and 10) x
My ex has court next month for his plea hearing. He has had regular supervised contact whilst being under investigation with his children however if he gets a prison sentence I don't know what to tell them. I didn't know whether I should lie to them and say he has gone working away to try and protect them as don't want them to have to carry the burden of worrying about what they say to friends etc about where their dad is (and don't want them telling people he's in prison for their own sake if it got found out why) If I did lie about where he is though it means more lies as why can't he FaceTime them etc
He might not get prison but feel I need to prepare for the worst and have a plan. What have other people told their children if their dad went to prison? (They are 8 and 10) x
Court is in a few weeks in my ex's case and I've agonised over the same question you have, it is unlikely he'll get custodial as it's image based and it would likely be a year if he did.
I paid to see a children's trauma therapist and she said being honest in an age appropriate way is the most healthy thing you can do and helps protect from trust issues in the future. And stops you having to tell lie upon lie.
But the idea of it breaks my heart :( I know it's the right thing to do, I have like no doubt from the way she explained it, but I feel so conflicted about it. Mine have no contact with him, and I've tried so hard to never say anything bad about him to then other than I was truthful about the offence with them in the beginning, but part of me thinks is it necessary to tell them, will it scare or worry them. I just don't know i feel so broken about it. Sorry so no advice other than the therapists advice but I myself feel so confused about it.
I paid to see a children's trauma therapist and she said being honest in an age appropriate way is the most healthy thing you can do and helps protect from trust issues in the future. And stops you having to tell lie upon lie.
But the idea of it breaks my heart :( I know it's the right thing to do, I have like no doubt from the way she explained it, but I feel so conflicted about it. Mine have no contact with him, and I've tried so hard to never say anything bad about him to then other than I was truthful about the offence with them in the beginning, but part of me thinks is it necessary to tell them, will it scare or worry them. I just don't know i feel so broken about it. Sorry so no advice other than the therapists advice but I myself feel so confused about it.
I've been honest with the age appropriate as to why he was arrested etc but as far as they are concerned it's done with now (they no nothing about needing to go to court) and this is just their new norm.
It just worries me that if someone asked what he was in prison for and they said the reason the fall out for them might be huge. If I told them the truth then I'd feel like they would have the burden of telling lies like I do now (which I find it hard telling lies to people why we split up etc)
Again I'm finding there is no support out there to help you through this mind field, trying to mess up your kids x
It just worries me that if someone asked what he was in prison for and they said the reason the fall out for them might be huge. If I told them the truth then I'd feel like they would have the burden of telling lies like I do now (which I find it hard telling lies to people why we split up etc)
Again I'm finding there is no support out there to help you through this mind field, trying to mess up your kids x