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Hi all. I joined on Thursday night but wasn't sure when or if I would post yet.
My now suddenly ex partner was taken away on Thursday afternoon after a brutal search and forensics ordeal on our home.
During the search he eventually told me he was sorry, loved me, and had to do this and left the room.
An hour or so later two officers brought him back into the room and when I asked why he was going to the station with them as he said, he replied "I've confessed". I asked what to, but he could not explain or met my eyes.
I haven't seen him since. I don't know if he's in custody. I don't know if he's been released on bail. I don't know any charges. I can't find him on any court rolls.
Our ten year old daughter came back from school that day and I explained to her as best I could that daddy is with the police because of an investigation into online crime which they think he may have committed. But that I don't know more.
When they read the warrant out it said indecent images and indecent communications. The leaflet they gave me was for "families and loved ones of those accused of sexual crime against children" for this very site.
We've barely slept, are slowly starting to eat and get the house back in order after the police, police dog, forensics and photographer.
Social Work came on Thursday night and told me in no uncertain terms he is not allowed to return here or have contact with his daughter.
I'm going into her school tomorrow so we can discuss how best to support her and to change any documents with his name and permissions etc. But I don't know what to do in the meantime.
I don't know if I should ask for an update because they said he could be on a 7 day hold and would update me when anything was available to, the lead detective and everyone else were very kind to me and actually came back out to me at 1am that same day to return my daughters devices so she at least had her stuff back.
I guess I'm just afraid of what happens after this limbo stage. Will I be under a microscope because I didn't know this about the man I shared my life with for 15 years therefore isn't of good judgement?
My family abroad are all offering us holidays when things settle down just to get a break but I don't want to do anything at all until anything is definite. We usually go abroad each year to family members and would likely again but now it would be without her dad and I don't think either of us are quite ready to do that yet.
I just wish I knew exactly what had been done so that I can stop imagining everything.
My now suddenly ex partner was taken away on Thursday afternoon after a brutal search and forensics ordeal on our home.
During the search he eventually told me he was sorry, loved me, and had to do this and left the room.
An hour or so later two officers brought him back into the room and when I asked why he was going to the station with them as he said, he replied "I've confessed". I asked what to, but he could not explain or met my eyes.
I haven't seen him since. I don't know if he's in custody. I don't know if he's been released on bail. I don't know any charges. I can't find him on any court rolls.
Our ten year old daughter came back from school that day and I explained to her as best I could that daddy is with the police because of an investigation into online crime which they think he may have committed. But that I don't know more.
When they read the warrant out it said indecent images and indecent communications. The leaflet they gave me was for "families and loved ones of those accused of sexual crime against children" for this very site.
We've barely slept, are slowly starting to eat and get the house back in order after the police, police dog, forensics and photographer.
Social Work came on Thursday night and told me in no uncertain terms he is not allowed to return here or have contact with his daughter.
I'm going into her school tomorrow so we can discuss how best to support her and to change any documents with his name and permissions etc. But I don't know what to do in the meantime.
I don't know if I should ask for an update because they said he could be on a 7 day hold and would update me when anything was available to, the lead detective and everyone else were very kind to me and actually came back out to me at 1am that same day to return my daughters devices so she at least had her stuff back.
I guess I'm just afraid of what happens after this limbo stage. Will I be under a microscope because I didn't know this about the man I shared my life with for 15 years therefore isn't of good judgement?
My family abroad are all offering us holidays when things settle down just to get a break but I don't want to do anything at all until anything is definite. We usually go abroad each year to family members and would likely again but now it would be without her dad and I don't think either of us are quite ready to do that yet.
I just wish I knew exactly what had been done so that I can stop imagining everything.
I'm sorry you're here, it's a shit club to join I'm afraid. The one thing I can say is that SS closed my case as long as I went no contact, it's obviously up to you, but I found I wasn't subject to being under the microscope as much as long as I did what they asked....if you need a bit of breathing room to process doing this may help, to at least keep them off of you for the mean time whilst you gather yourself.
For me the OIC gave me lots of details because we have children together, so it might be worth ringing the OIC to see what's happened e.g. bail etc. Explain that you have a child together and you need to know what's going on to safeguard them. The OIC gave me more information than I wanted to be honest, she told me what they initially found and then what was on the phone after investigation, and it was awful.
If you havent got the contact details of the OIC of you ring 101 it normally has the option to speak to your local force.
To be honest I would consider your families offer in those first few months just to get away from the constant darkness of it and have some support. These cases normally take forever anyway nothing will happen for a good while.
For me the OIC gave me lots of details because we have children together, so it might be worth ringing the OIC to see what's happened e.g. bail etc. Explain that you have a child together and you need to know what's going on to safeguard them. The OIC gave me more information than I wanted to be honest, she told me what they initially found and then what was on the phone after investigation, and it was awful.
If you havent got the contact details of the OIC of you ring 101 it normally has the option to speak to your local force.
To be honest I would consider your families offer in those first few months just to get away from the constant darkness of it and have some support. These cases normally take forever anyway nothing will happen for a good while.
So sorry to hear your story :(
It´s absolutely heartbreaking being in this "club" :(
I´m 3 weeks and 4 days in and I haven´t spoken to or heard from my BF since :(
I travelled to the UK to see my BF, I live in a Nordic country, the 29th of January and I received messages and a phone call from him just before lunch (he was working) the 31st of January letting me know he´d be with me shortly. Then hours went by. My messages on WhatsApp stayed undelivered. Never happened before. Then the knock on our hotel room door. My world came crashing down. Being all alone in another country, left there all alone. It´s still very hard to grasp what I´ve been through :(
I received information from the police about my BF via email, they weren´t allowed to call a non-UK number (I have a Nordic country number) until my BF was further remanded in custody (until 14th of March). When I asked where my BF was taken they couldn´t tell me, due to data protection.
I have no contact with my BF´s family, I was just about to meet his mum that weekend he got arrested. I´ve tried to send letters to my BF´s address in hope that his mum goes there but nothing.. I´ve fount out who´s representing my BF, the firm not the actual person, but I only have a requires email and that goes to all 14 firms in the UK. And they´re not going to tell me anything anyway. So, I just have silence and it´s driving me INSANE!! Never hated silence as much as I do now! :(
I just want to hear from him, I want answers..
I´ve applied on the "find a prisoner" website but that can forever I was told. I don´t know what to do :( It feels like I´m slowly dying inside :(
It´s absolutely heartbreaking being in this "club" :(
I´m 3 weeks and 4 days in and I haven´t spoken to or heard from my BF since :(
I travelled to the UK to see my BF, I live in a Nordic country, the 29th of January and I received messages and a phone call from him just before lunch (he was working) the 31st of January letting me know he´d be with me shortly. Then hours went by. My messages on WhatsApp stayed undelivered. Never happened before. Then the knock on our hotel room door. My world came crashing down. Being all alone in another country, left there all alone. It´s still very hard to grasp what I´ve been through :(
I received information from the police about my BF via email, they weren´t allowed to call a non-UK number (I have a Nordic country number) until my BF was further remanded in custody (until 14th of March). When I asked where my BF was taken they couldn´t tell me, due to data protection.
I have no contact with my BF´s family, I was just about to meet his mum that weekend he got arrested. I´ve tried to send letters to my BF´s address in hope that his mum goes there but nothing.. I´ve fount out who´s representing my BF, the firm not the actual person, but I only have a requires email and that goes to all 14 firms in the UK. And they´re not going to tell me anything anyway. So, I just have silence and it´s driving me INSANE!! Never hated silence as much as I do now! :(
I just want to hear from him, I want answers..
I´ve applied on the "find a prisoner" website but that can forever I was told. I don´t know what to do :( It feels like I´m slowly dying inside :(
Hello, I'm sorry you find yourself here. It's a great place for support and information.
I suspect as you haven't heard from him since Thursday that he's probably been remanded into custody. If so, he'll have a plea hearing soon which he's going to plead guilty to by the sounds of it. He could be taken back to prison at that point or released but in my experience, if they've been remanded, chances are they'll stay that way. Unless he's simply avoiding you and staying with someone else.
https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/
The link above is a really good source of information regarding the prison system. They can also help with attending court should you wish to and finding out where your person is.
Regarding social services, as someone has said, if you're prepared to go no contact with him, they will probably leave you alone. They will probably leave you alone if he's been remanded too.
All of this is a huge amount of information to digest especially when you're no doubt feeling traumatised. Take your time. None of this will be resolved quickly. The courts, Police and prisons are so overwhelmed with work that the wheels turn very slowly. You have done nothing wrong but you're a secondary victim of something you had no knowledge of an no choice in. Remember that. I wish you and your family all the very best. X
I suspect as you haven't heard from him since Thursday that he's probably been remanded into custody. If so, he'll have a plea hearing soon which he's going to plead guilty to by the sounds of it. He could be taken back to prison at that point or released but in my experience, if they've been remanded, chances are they'll stay that way. Unless he's simply avoiding you and staying with someone else.
https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/
The link above is a really good source of information regarding the prison system. They can also help with attending court should you wish to and finding out where your person is.
Regarding social services, as someone has said, if you're prepared to go no contact with him, they will probably leave you alone. They will probably leave you alone if he's been remanded too.
All of this is a huge amount of information to digest especially when you're no doubt feeling traumatised. Take your time. None of this will be resolved quickly. The courts, Police and prisons are so overwhelmed with work that the wheels turn very slowly. You have done nothing wrong but you're a secondary victim of something you had no knowledge of an no choice in. Remember that. I wish you and your family all the very best. X