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I just read a story about a guy sentenced someone from TV or famous for something- I didn't read much of the detail, I try to avoid the news.
I shouldn't have even carried on reading, but what jumped out at me was the judges comment about the person being a product of bad parenting - which I assume is related to the person apparently watching porn on his dad's laptop from the age of 10.
It just knocked me sick. I have no other details, didn't read the details of the crime or sentencing, and I don't know anything about the parents/upbringing of the ma obviously. But that comment is a huge fear/feeling that I have for my own situation.
I imagine if anyone knew, they wouldn't say to my face it's my fault but it's what people think isn't it? It's what I think. How did I let it happen?
The judge literally stated it in court. I feel sick.
I shouldn't have even carried on reading, but what jumped out at me was the judges comment about the person being a product of bad parenting - which I assume is related to the person apparently watching porn on his dad's laptop from the age of 10.
It just knocked me sick. I have no other details, didn't read the details of the crime or sentencing, and I don't know anything about the parents/upbringing of the ma obviously. But that comment is a huge fear/feeling that I have for my own situation.
I imagine if anyone knew, they wouldn't say to my face it's my fault but it's what people think isn't it? It's what I think. How did I let it happen?
The judge literally stated it in court. I feel sick.
Hi,
I haven't read that article but if accessing porn at a young age was the only factor in the judges comment on their parenting that is wholly unfair and ridiculous. It further fuels the condemnation of society for anyone who finds themselves in this situation as a loved one. My Nan always lived by a there but by the grace of God go I particularly for parents of children who ended up on a less than ideal path. Until we as a society increase the education around online activities children will always be exposed to dangerous things while they are young and impressionable. As someone who grew up at the start of access to the internet at home I have seen the pace of change within that technology move at a rate that education hasn't kept up with.
Parents generally take their lead from the media and peers in terms of age appropriate conversations to have with their children. I know as my older children were growing up I always taught them about the risk of strangers online as the advertising campaigns etc told us was the right thing to do. I didn't until after the knock and finding this forum talk to them about the risks of sending or receiving images within their peer groups. If I'm honest it didn't really enter my head that they could be prosecuted for iioc if nudes were sent or received.
You are not to blame at all. I've said it before on here but as parents we feel everything our children do is a reflection of us but in the same way as if my child ran the fastest 200m is not my achievement and nothing to do with me equally if my child took it upon themselves to go and rob a bank that is not my fault and nothing to do with me. We have to remember and teach accountability in our young people. The judges comments are disgusting and completely unhelpful in educating the public and only add to that families shame and grief xxx
I haven't read that article but if accessing porn at a young age was the only factor in the judges comment on their parenting that is wholly unfair and ridiculous. It further fuels the condemnation of society for anyone who finds themselves in this situation as a loved one. My Nan always lived by a there but by the grace of God go I particularly for parents of children who ended up on a less than ideal path. Until we as a society increase the education around online activities children will always be exposed to dangerous things while they are young and impressionable. As someone who grew up at the start of access to the internet at home I have seen the pace of change within that technology move at a rate that education hasn't kept up with.
Parents generally take their lead from the media and peers in terms of age appropriate conversations to have with their children. I know as my older children were growing up I always taught them about the risk of strangers online as the advertising campaigns etc told us was the right thing to do. I didn't until after the knock and finding this forum talk to them about the risks of sending or receiving images within their peer groups. If I'm honest it didn't really enter my head that they could be prosecuted for iioc if nudes were sent or received.
You are not to blame at all. I've said it before on here but as parents we feel everything our children do is a reflection of us but in the same way as if my child ran the fastest 200m is not my achievement and nothing to do with me equally if my child took it upon themselves to go and rob a bank that is not my fault and nothing to do with me. We have to remember and teach accountability in our young people. The judges comments are disgusting and completely unhelpful in educating the public and only add to that families shame and grief xxx
It's certainly not your fault. Our home - like most - had a few problems at the time my son was 'found out' but he went online and did what he did.
Distressed and Pregnant's comments above, are very true x
Distressed and Pregnant's comments above, are very true x
Until education catches up with technology all children are vulnerable, I think of when my daughter got her first ipad it cost a lot of money she just started it up and used it no fear at all, literally just used it, no thought of oh this is an expensive item or anything, I was very much lead by others buying her technology at a young age which I am sure most parents are, when my oh was charged with a link of images and I spoke to my friend who has sons she immediately changed her attitude around social media and technology she never thought on how easy something could change your life forever, she had some very tough and honest situations with her sons and if there is anything good to come out of all we have been through it's to protect thw children from falling down the rabbit hole of porn and clicking links
I firmly believe that my ex developed a sexual interest in children from the age of 13 because of his parents. Obviously I can't go into detail here as I might inadvertently reveal who I am. But, I'm not just talking about "parenting skills". It's much deeper than that and to do with the entire family dynamic of my ex's parents and sibling. Essentially, it's really lazy to blame parents for this. Far too vague. But I really wish we had something definitive to blame because then we could do more about preventing it. X
Oh Starr, please don't blame yourself, it won't help your son and will leave you feeling terrible.
I now know that my son started to behave inappropriately online as a young teenager. In hindsight I realise I could have taken more notice and more action to some subtle signs which I ignored or naively thought was teenager behaviour.
It's possible that my parenting had an influence on my sons behaviour but ultimately he was responsible and accountable for his own choices and behaviour. As our children get older little by little we give them more independence but with independence comes choices and responsibility.
Yes I'm the mother of a son who has committed a sexual offence . But I'm also a mum who loves her son unconditionally, a mum who told her son on the night he was arrested that she would walk beside him each step of the way, a mum who has ensured her son had a safe environment to hide away in when he couldn't face being seen in public and a mum who slowly helped him face the world again.
Many people know of my sons offence as it was published by our local media and shared across social media. Those who know are also aware of how I've stood by and supported him. I make no secret of it because I am more concerned about my sons wellbeing, his recovery and his self development than I am about my reputation.
Your son has made some bad decisions but that isn't your fault. In the same way you show warmth and kindness to others, try to be kind to yourself.
I now know that my son started to behave inappropriately online as a young teenager. In hindsight I realise I could have taken more notice and more action to some subtle signs which I ignored or naively thought was teenager behaviour.
It's possible that my parenting had an influence on my sons behaviour but ultimately he was responsible and accountable for his own choices and behaviour. As our children get older little by little we give them more independence but with independence comes choices and responsibility.
Yes I'm the mother of a son who has committed a sexual offence . But I'm also a mum who loves her son unconditionally, a mum who told her son on the night he was arrested that she would walk beside him each step of the way, a mum who has ensured her son had a safe environment to hide away in when he couldn't face being seen in public and a mum who slowly helped him face the world again.
Many people know of my sons offence as it was published by our local media and shared across social media. Those who know are also aware of how I've stood by and supported him. I make no secret of it because I am more concerned about my sons wellbeing, his recovery and his self development than I am about my reputation.
Your son has made some bad decisions but that isn't your fault. In the same way you show warmth and kindness to others, try to be kind to yourself.
Ocean as always your posts are like a soothing balm, and allow me to slow my racing mind to see a future with compassion and kindness in it. Thank you xx
Ocean's posts always put me in a good place and make me realise I am doing the right thing as I 'do my best' to support my son. I dread to think where he would be if I wasn't there for him.....
You're all so wise, and caring and lovely.
I struggle to really hear what you're all saying. The nasty voices blaming me are still too loud. But hopefully they'll become quieter and the rational words you've all kindly said will replace them.
Thank you all x
I struggle to really hear what you're all saying. The nasty voices blaming me are still too loud. But hopefully they'll become quieter and the rational words you've all kindly said will replace them.
Thank you all x