Multi-agency meeting today
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Hi lovelies,
This afternoon we'll be having our multi agency meet with SS, Police, both kids schools - me & the boys Dad and we've said we'd like my OH there too, so we'll see what happens. I've been reassured it's an information sharing session and not a witch hunt on my OH.
SS have so far said that they believe my OH is a high risk, the reason being, because he doesn't currently own his own home! The 'assumption' is I'm being groomed! The 'facts' are that he had broken up with his gf at the time and moved in temporarily with a friend to save up for a new house - and the arrest came 6 months after, so all his money has been funnelled in to legal help & representation, rehab programmes and expensive therapy. We've literally had the conversation to say, so the only way we can reduce his risk, is by him buying a house!?
I've looked at what reduces offending...
Support network - tick
Efforts made to avoid reoffending - tick
Person centred CBT - tick
Owning own house (according to SS) - errrrr!
Not really sure how we can change their minds, given they think I'm lovely and doing everything I can to keep the boys safe (as is their Dad and my parents), the boys are safe happy and well grounded, I've proactively undertaken courses to support my knowledge etc. My OH has completed recognised courses on CSAM, undertaken 33 hours of specialised therapy, adhered to every restriction put in place, engaged fully with all professional services, doesn't live with us, never had any form of unsupervised contact or stayed overnight with them. With all this in mind, how in gods name do we reduce the perceived risk?? Answers on a postcard! Xx
This afternoon we'll be having our multi agency meet with SS, Police, both kids schools - me & the boys Dad and we've said we'd like my OH there too, so we'll see what happens. I've been reassured it's an information sharing session and not a witch hunt on my OH.
SS have so far said that they believe my OH is a high risk, the reason being, because he doesn't currently own his own home! The 'assumption' is I'm being groomed! The 'facts' are that he had broken up with his gf at the time and moved in temporarily with a friend to save up for a new house - and the arrest came 6 months after, so all his money has been funnelled in to legal help & representation, rehab programmes and expensive therapy. We've literally had the conversation to say, so the only way we can reduce his risk, is by him buying a house!?
I've looked at what reduces offending...
Support network - tick
Efforts made to avoid reoffending - tick
Person centred CBT - tick
Owning own house (according to SS) - errrrr!
Not really sure how we can change their minds, given they think I'm lovely and doing everything I can to keep the boys safe (as is their Dad and my parents), the boys are safe happy and well grounded, I've proactively undertaken courses to support my knowledge etc. My OH has completed recognised courses on CSAM, undertaken 33 hours of specialised therapy, adhered to every restriction put in place, engaged fully with all professional services, doesn't live with us, never had any form of unsupervised contact or stayed overnight with them. With all this in mind, how in gods name do we reduce the perceived risk?? Answers on a postcard! Xx
Hi,
I'm going to answer based on information I've received from research and courses that I've done. These are generalisations and as I don't know you or your situation are in no way personal to you so please try to take them as kind education as that is how it's intended.
When risk assessing there are static factors -age at time of offending, length of offending, past relationships (no evidence of long term adult relationships), previous convictions or investigations. There are also factors that can change - support from family and friends, rehabilitation, current relationship, access to children within the family and friends network. Evidence of stability comes into play when discussing risks in relationships so whilst he doesn't necessarily need to own/rent his own home he needs to have somewhere that is seen to be stable usually this would come from his parents or family members who are fully aware of the situation and have stated that they are willing to support him through the legal process and beyond.
This stability is important to ss as they will see instability as a risk and an unbalanced relationship (he may become dependent on you and that will give him access to the children). They need to be satisfied that no matter what happens in terms of his housing situation you won't move him in with you and your children without going through the proper risk assessments by them. The length of time that you have been in a relationship will also be a factor. Does that make sense? They possibly didn't word it correctly but it's the stability that matters. Obviously we know that in todays climate it is just as likely that rent/mortgage payments become too much for him to cope with and this will impact his housing situation. They may well see that you are supporting him and think that there isn't the balance in power or dependency that there should be. I hope you get more clarity today and that the meeting goes well xxx
I'm going to answer based on information I've received from research and courses that I've done. These are generalisations and as I don't know you or your situation are in no way personal to you so please try to take them as kind education as that is how it's intended.
When risk assessing there are static factors -age at time of offending, length of offending, past relationships (no evidence of long term adult relationships), previous convictions or investigations. There are also factors that can change - support from family and friends, rehabilitation, current relationship, access to children within the family and friends network. Evidence of stability comes into play when discussing risks in relationships so whilst he doesn't necessarily need to own/rent his own home he needs to have somewhere that is seen to be stable usually this would come from his parents or family members who are fully aware of the situation and have stated that they are willing to support him through the legal process and beyond.
This stability is important to ss as they will see instability as a risk and an unbalanced relationship (he may become dependent on you and that will give him access to the children). They need to be satisfied that no matter what happens in terms of his housing situation you won't move him in with you and your children without going through the proper risk assessments by them. The length of time that you have been in a relationship will also be a factor. Does that make sense? They possibly didn't word it correctly but it's the stability that matters. Obviously we know that in todays climate it is just as likely that rent/mortgage payments become too much for him to cope with and this will impact his housing situation. They may well see that you are supporting him and think that there isn't the balance in power or dependency that there should be. I hope you get more clarity today and that the meeting goes well xxx
"Owning their own house" isn't about ownership. Its about stability. The main reason my ex's PO is recommending a community based sentence is because he has a permanent and stable roof over his head. The other things you mention were by the by to the PO.
How did it go today @Eye?
How did your meeting go Eye? Did you get any clarity? xxx
Hi lovely, it was challenging. Virtual room full of people who don't know us and have their preconceived ideas. Me and my ex Hubble were trying to say we are happy for my OH to have supervised contact with my kids (by me) but the professional stance was I might be being groomed. The SW kept making wildly incorrect and dangerous statements, which I had to keep pulling her up on. The Visor was on the fence about risk, but then rang my OH after the meeting to apologise, because he can't professionally say he's low risk, when in his opinion he believes him to be. Apparently he normally puts people straight to high risk, but with my OH chose medium, the lowest they can go. What is this world we're living in!? So for now we have no contact apart from video calls when I'm in the room - with the suggestion she'll put it to her manager to have days out in public spaces - irony being she suggested the cinema would be a good idea on 2 occasions ......errrrr ok!
I'm at a loss and in a bit of a pit today so everything feels like it's squashing me down further....I didn't realise how awful these final stages would be, I pray for it to be all over with brighter days to come xxxx
I'm at a loss and in a bit of a pit today so everything feels like it's squashing me down further....I didn't realise how awful these final stages would be, I pray for it to be all over with brighter days to come xxxx
Oh gosh, yeah I don't think the cinema would be somewhere I'd be suggesting to do contact in the community. Obviously you don't want to add to their wild imagination though. Hopefully with the milder weather coming in you can look forward to some days out. My partner is medium risk too, well he was the last time I had a conversation with his visor about it. It's hard because he has less than a year left on sor and SHPO so essentially he'd go from medium to not being monitored at all which seems bizarre xxx