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Has anyone had experience of SS telling you what they want so you leave your partner?
I had a call yesterday from my social workers manager and she basically said they still don't want him to have even a phone call until they have had an age appropriate conversation with the kids to explain what is going on.
She also said that they have more information than what I know, but she can't tell me and they are pushing the police to give me more disclosure.
I know that he was arrested l for an allegation of 1 IIOC linked to his Snapchat account/account in his name.
This is all the information the police/SS told me and also my partner.
Im just really confused as what else could there be? All devices have come back apart from his phone which needs to go for further forensics due to the allegation being Snapchat and that being hard to access.
At first SS told me they won't allow phone calls or contact because they don't know if our children were in the image, the OIC told me they definitely do know that information. Now they're saying they know that, but they have more information and don't know if our children have been harmed.
I feel like there's so much miscommunication or I'm being lied to and strung along. There's so much more in my other posts which just leave me so confused as the OIC have said things on the day of arrest etc...
I had a call yesterday from my social workers manager and she basically said they still don't want him to have even a phone call until they have had an age appropriate conversation with the kids to explain what is going on.
She also said that they have more information than what I know, but she can't tell me and they are pushing the police to give me more disclosure.
I know that he was arrested l for an allegation of 1 IIOC linked to his Snapchat account/account in his name.
This is all the information the police/SS told me and also my partner.
Im just really confused as what else could there be? All devices have come back apart from his phone which needs to go for further forensics due to the allegation being Snapchat and that being hard to access.
At first SS told me they won't allow phone calls or contact because they don't know if our children were in the image, the OIC told me they definitely do know that information. Now they're saying they know that, but they have more information and don't know if our children have been harmed.
I feel like there's so much miscommunication or I'm being lied to and strung along. There's so much more in my other posts which just leave me so confused as the OIC have said things on the day of arrest etc...
Hi,
have you had any multi agency meetings yet? It's a long shot depending on what the OIC is like but you could try phoning or emailing them and let them know what ss are saying to you. You could explain that you are trying to work with ss to determine what contact is appropriate but since they feel you do not have all the information you're finding it hard to make informed choices.
In my case ss actually knew less than I did and that wasn't a great deal initially. The police generally don't give all the information to ss just an overview so it's possible that the sw is guessing to fill in the gaps in detail.
What are they proposing to tell your children? Are they guiding you to have the conversation or are they planning to do it? If they are planning to do it I think it's hugely important that the information they have is correct which I would be stating to them and the OIC xxx
have you had any multi agency meetings yet? It's a long shot depending on what the OIC is like but you could try phoning or emailing them and let them know what ss are saying to you. You could explain that you are trying to work with ss to determine what contact is appropriate but since they feel you do not have all the information you're finding it hard to make informed choices.
In my case ss actually knew less than I did and that wasn't a great deal initially. The police generally don't give all the information to ss just an overview so it's possible that the sw is guessing to fill in the gaps in detail.
What are they proposing to tell your children? Are they guiding you to have the conversation or are they planning to do it? If they are planning to do it I think it's hugely important that the information they have is correct which I would be stating to them and the OIC xxx
I wouldn't believe anything they say about "having more information than you" line. Until it's a fact, it's simply a tactic to send you into a panic and agree to what they want. And what they want, if you agreed, would make their lives much easier! X
No we haven't had any multi agency meetings. Only the initial one they had the day my partner was arrested.
He has contacted the OIC and said what SS have told me but she hasn't got back to him. It's so annoying as on the day they said he could come home, she will drop him home after the interview etc then after the meeting they decided to out the bail conditions in place.
SS said to me "we wouldn't say we have further information if we didn't", so I am just so so confused as to what to think/believe
The social worker is coming out to me on Thursday to go through what we will tell the kids. She hasn't said when we will actually tell them. Just feel like they are dragging their feet and in the meantime I have told them how distressed my children are to have had no contact at all, not even one phone call but they don't seem to care.
He has contacted the OIC and said what SS have told me but she hasn't got back to him. It's so annoying as on the day they said he could come home, she will drop him home after the interview etc then after the meeting they decided to out the bail conditions in place.
SS said to me "we wouldn't say we have further information if we didn't", so I am just so so confused as to what to think/believe
The social worker is coming out to me on Thursday to go through what we will tell the kids. She hasn't said when we will actually tell them. Just feel like they are dragging their feet and in the meantime I have told them how distressed my children are to have had no contact at all, not even one phone call but they don't seem to care.
Have you told the kids yet? I know its hard when you don't have much information, but if you haven't yet, telling them the absolute basics in an age appropriate way before SS turn up would help in terms of relating to SS.
Our SW has spoken to LFF for advice about how to tell our grandchildren about their dad and is taking their advice, one of the main things being that their dad should be part of the conversation. She is keen to meet with our son and us to discuss how we should do this and when. Also, I think this would depend on the age of the children but she's on board with the fact that to tell them when there is no clear date for any kind of resolution (we are still waiting after over 2 years with no news of it even having gone to the CPS yet) would just give them cause for anxiety worrying about what is going to happen to daddy. This might not be as relevant for much younger children (they are 12 and 9)
After so long they just accept that daddy doesn't live with them now but we are fortunate that he has always been allowed to see them with supervision from us. Your treatment has been awful and not in your children's best interests in the slightest. It sounds like the SW has no experience in handling anything as sensitive as this. You could always ring LFF yourself and ask for their best tips for telling children so as to minimise extra trauma for them? And if you feel strong enough tell the SW you're not prepared to have this conversation until you've had that advice and discussed it all with the SW first, including when it should happen. She may not like it but surely it can't go against you when you are doing it for the well being of your children.
After so long they just accept that daddy doesn't live with them now but we are fortunate that he has always been allowed to see them with supervision from us. Your treatment has been awful and not in your children's best interests in the slightest. It sounds like the SW has no experience in handling anything as sensitive as this. You could always ring LFF yourself and ask for their best tips for telling children so as to minimise extra trauma for them? And if you feel strong enough tell the SW you're not prepared to have this conversation until you've had that advice and discussed it all with the SW first, including when it should happen. She may not like it but surely it can't go against you when you are doing it for the well being of your children.
The thing is though that they won't entertain any sort of contact whether that be phone or in person, until we have had this conversation with them.
i have no family here so I'm the only person that can supervise contact and I really don't think they will allow this anytime soon.
the kids at present think he is at his nans helping her, which he is but obviously they don't know the reason why he isn't coming home anytime soon.
Honeatly this is all so confusing and I don't know how to navigate it best for my children
i have no family here so I'm the only person that can supervise contact and I really don't think they will allow this anytime soon.
the kids at present think he is at his nans helping her, which he is but obviously they don't know the reason why he isn't coming home anytime soon.
Honeatly this is all so confusing and I don't know how to navigate it best for my children