Getting professional mental health support
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Since the first knock 8 years ago, I've been in and out of the local NHS mental health service. The ex reoffended and I felt I couldn't cope so I got referred back to them. I gave up seeing the psychiatrist because she kept referring to my ex's offending as "child porn".
Recently I've been referred back again because the ex is due to be sentenced next week and I felt like I was unraveling. I was sent an appointment to see a different psychiatrist who I saw a few weeks ago. I explained all about "the knock" at 7am with Police turning up unannounced at home turning our home upside down for 4 hours, the ex's crimes, prison, reoffending etc. Yesterday I received a copy of a summary letter he'd written to my GP about our meeting. He wrote, "she had her husband arrested for illicit images". I did not have him arrested because I knew nothing about what he was doing!!! At the end of this appointment, this mental health professional told me that the position I'm in now is entirely my own fault for letting the ex back in to my life after the first arrest. Oh, if only it were that simple! His comment about me getting him arrested makes it sound like I was in on his illegal activity! Its precisely this sort of crap that has prevented me getting any help for all this. I even explained to him that I'd found it really hard to get counselling because as soon as I say what the issue is, the counsellor doesn't want to know or said something like, "did you know what he was doing". I'm really really stressed because the ex is being sentenced on Wednesday so I'm not sure if I'm over reacting or if I've read into his comment too much? I've written a stinking letter to him but now I'm unsure if I should send it. I feel so overwhelmed. Thanks for listening. Maybe one day I'll post something positive!!
Recently I've been referred back again because the ex is due to be sentenced next week and I felt like I was unraveling. I was sent an appointment to see a different psychiatrist who I saw a few weeks ago. I explained all about "the knock" at 7am with Police turning up unannounced at home turning our home upside down for 4 hours, the ex's crimes, prison, reoffending etc. Yesterday I received a copy of a summary letter he'd written to my GP about our meeting. He wrote, "she had her husband arrested for illicit images". I did not have him arrested because I knew nothing about what he was doing!!! At the end of this appointment, this mental health professional told me that the position I'm in now is entirely my own fault for letting the ex back in to my life after the first arrest. Oh, if only it were that simple! His comment about me getting him arrested makes it sound like I was in on his illegal activity! Its precisely this sort of crap that has prevented me getting any help for all this. I even explained to him that I'd found it really hard to get counselling because as soon as I say what the issue is, the counsellor doesn't want to know or said something like, "did you know what he was doing". I'm really really stressed because the ex is being sentenced on Wednesday so I'm not sure if I'm over reacting or if I've read into his comment too much? I've written a stinking letter to him but now I'm unsure if I should send it. I feel so overwhelmed. Thanks for listening. Maybe one day I'll post something positive!!
Little Robin, I just DM'd you
I don't think you're over reacting at all! They're supposed to listen and not judge. They're supposed to tailor your needs! I'm sorry you came across a psychiatrist like that. Xx
I would definitely send the letter and ask to see a different team/person.
I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time accessing services and that you are being met with such judgemental comments at a time when you need their help the most.
I have a long history of mental health issues for various reasons so you can imagine where my head is currently. I was already having counselling when all this kicked off but in the last 3 weeks, I have spiralled and on sharing all my news my therapist has extended my counseling sessions, my GP has given me weekly appointments and increasing medications as well as signed me off work, my work wellbeing service have also been checking in on me and yesterday they recommended I presented to A&E because I'm in mental health crisis.
All these services have made it clear that it is absolutely reasonable to feel like this and I would expect they would extend the same support to you. It was hard for me to reach out and accept help but the truth is that I am in mental health crisis. There will be an end to feeling like this but I can't see it right now. Right now, the tears are overwhelming and my brain is working overtime; my sleep is non existent and when I do sleep I have nightmares which I don't remember but I am waking up crying so I know they must be distressing. So I spent the whole day in A&E yesterday and was seen by my local mental health liaison team who referred me to a team who essentially try to avoid hospital admissions and care for people at home. They came to see me today and will come again every other day. Of course everyone is treading carefully and are mindful of what they say but first and foremost they are looking after ME because I haven't done anything wrong and I have no energy to do so after looking after my child. They are also categorically telling me not to even think of making any decisions now and just focus on managing this crisis point.
I have read the next week brings another difficult day for you and it is absolutely undeniable that the before and after will be painful. It sound like you have reached out as much as you can and it is really upsetting that you are not getting the level of support that you need. Short of presenting to A&E in desperation I don't know what to suggest, or indeed if that would open up any other services xx
Sending you lots of strength xx
I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time accessing services and that you are being met with such judgemental comments at a time when you need their help the most.
I have a long history of mental health issues for various reasons so you can imagine where my head is currently. I was already having counselling when all this kicked off but in the last 3 weeks, I have spiralled and on sharing all my news my therapist has extended my counseling sessions, my GP has given me weekly appointments and increasing medications as well as signed me off work, my work wellbeing service have also been checking in on me and yesterday they recommended I presented to A&E because I'm in mental health crisis.
All these services have made it clear that it is absolutely reasonable to feel like this and I would expect they would extend the same support to you. It was hard for me to reach out and accept help but the truth is that I am in mental health crisis. There will be an end to feeling like this but I can't see it right now. Right now, the tears are overwhelming and my brain is working overtime; my sleep is non existent and when I do sleep I have nightmares which I don't remember but I am waking up crying so I know they must be distressing. So I spent the whole day in A&E yesterday and was seen by my local mental health liaison team who referred me to a team who essentially try to avoid hospital admissions and care for people at home. They came to see me today and will come again every other day. Of course everyone is treading carefully and are mindful of what they say but first and foremost they are looking after ME because I haven't done anything wrong and I have no energy to do so after looking after my child. They are also categorically telling me not to even think of making any decisions now and just focus on managing this crisis point.
I have read the next week brings another difficult day for you and it is absolutely undeniable that the before and after will be painful. It sound like you have reached out as much as you can and it is really upsetting that you are not getting the level of support that you need. Short of presenting to A&E in desperation I don't know what to suggest, or indeed if that would open up any other services xx
Sending you lots of strength xx
I have attended A&E before when I became homeless. I too have a decades long history of poor mental health. After that visit they sent the emergency team in. I was diagnosed with "adjustment disorder ". Apparently my reaction to finding out my husband of over 30 years is a P, losing everything and becoming homeless, wasn't normal! How come when women are abused, we end up getting diagnosed with a mental health illness? That psychiatrist is the one who kept referring to my ex's offending as "child porn". I couldn't carry on working with her so I stopped having any input for a few years. But with all that's coming up, I asked you be referred to someone else at the same mental health service, which is the local service to me. This psychiatrist is the one who told me my situation is my own fault. He's the one who wrote the letter saying I had my ex arrested, implying I knew what he was doing. This has seriously done my head in. I have an appointment at home this week with a CPN who has been allocated to me. I had a zoom appointment with him last week and I like him. However, I'm seriously considering giving up. I'm going to give the CPN the letter and see what he thinks. If they're anything like GP's, when you complain about one of them you get struck off their books. I'm wondering if the latest psychiatrist has taken offence to my asking to be seen by someone else prior to seeing him. They like to cover each others backs. I don't know. None of this is my fault but I'm being made to feel terrible about myself. There's nowhere else to go locally. X
Please don't give up. There will be someone out there who has the ability and willingness to help you in the way you want to be helped. I can imagine that you may feel that you have little energy to fight but please keep going. You are worth the fight and you are entitled to the support and help that you need. Present to A&E again if you have to. Tell them you have exhausted ALL viable options and no one is helping you how you need to be helped.
I don't know who in the right mind could be expected to stay grounded and functional with everything you have been through and in anticipation of next week. I guess I am lucky that I am getting consistent reassurance that feeling this overwhelmed is expected and reasonable and I am so sorry that you are being made to feel that any of this is your doing. It is not your fault that you feel hurt, isolated, deceived, overwhelmed, lost and let down. It feels incredibly unfair that you are being blamed for being in this situation and further more, to have that thrown at you when you are asking for help.
Of course we all have to take some responsibility for safeguarding ourselves and the consequences of our decisions but you are here because of what your person did...not because of anything you have done or not done and any healthcare professional worth their registration and professional status should reflect that.
By the way, I am quite sedated at the moment so it may look or read or feel like I am calm but I am in complete turmoil without the meds. Despite that I know...I KNOW this too shall pass and I know that I have survived 100% of every day so far so I will survive this too. Even if it doesn't feel like it. And you will too xxx
I don't know who in the right mind could be expected to stay grounded and functional with everything you have been through and in anticipation of next week. I guess I am lucky that I am getting consistent reassurance that feeling this overwhelmed is expected and reasonable and I am so sorry that you are being made to feel that any of this is your doing. It is not your fault that you feel hurt, isolated, deceived, overwhelmed, lost and let down. It feels incredibly unfair that you are being blamed for being in this situation and further more, to have that thrown at you when you are asking for help.
Of course we all have to take some responsibility for safeguarding ourselves and the consequences of our decisions but you are here because of what your person did...not because of anything you have done or not done and any healthcare professional worth their registration and professional status should reflect that.
By the way, I am quite sedated at the moment so it may look or read or feel like I am calm but I am in complete turmoil without the meds. Despite that I know...I KNOW this too shall pass and I know that I have survived 100% of every day so far so I will survive this too. Even if it doesn't feel like it. And you will too xxx
Also, you probably know but there is a text service called SHOUT. They don't provide long term therapy but in crisis you can text and they can talk through your feelings via text so no need to speak or call anyone.
Thank you. X