I can't cope with this anymore
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I've had a set back and I'm drowning, I do not know how to move forward. I feel like I've given all I can give. I've spoken to a lot of my support system this week and for the first time in over a year I called stop it now. I have the crippling anxious feeling in my stomach constantly which I've not felt since the knock. I'm not even crying, I feel numb. I wish I could go back and change all of this. I was staring out of my window earlier thinking I don't know if I will ever be ok again.
I feel the only way that this feeling will go is if I leave, my area, my OH and take my kids and start again. But I will leave my family and what little friends I have left to.
I know I have all you lovely ladies, but I am feeling so alone, the only other person I have contact with that has been through this, left. I don't have anyone around me that is in my shoes. Sorry for the down post.
I feel the only way that this feeling will go is if I leave, my area, my OH and take my kids and start again. But I will leave my family and what little friends I have left to.
I know I have all you lovely ladies, but I am feeling so alone, the only other person I have contact with that has been through this, left. I don't have anyone around me that is in my shoes. Sorry for the down post.
Just wanted to pop by and send some big gentle hugs lovely, unfortunately I can't offer any advice as I'm feeling the same. I'm hoping in time I can feel normal and me again. But who knows what the future is going to bring. Here if you ever need a chat lovely xx
What has set you back maybe it would help to write it down and maybe we can help?
I am sorry your feeling so low. It is so hard and sometimes it feels like you will never survive. At the beginning I wanted to move and start somewhere new. But I just thought the problems would come with me and then I would be in a new house in an unfamiliar area with the same problems.
I dont know your situation but I decided i needed to do something for me. So i joined a line dancing group. It was very scary going on my own, but it meant I met new people and I do love to dance. So can you think of one thing you love to do. Read, knit, sew or if you are free in the evenings look for local clubs. I realise when you are very low this all might be too daunting, so you set yourself mini goals. You do not have to do everything in one go. Ie look for something, think about when you can do it, and then when you feel brave enough go to the club. If this is not for you, go back to the drawing board and look at what you like. It does take time and effort. But when I am feeling low, I allow those feelings to be felt, but then I give it a time limit. Tell the feelings enough is enough and attempt my goal. You might not acheive your goal at first but with each attempt you will succeed more each time.
I still greive the life I have lost and it is a working progress but little by little life is getting better.
I dont know your situation but I decided i needed to do something for me. So i joined a line dancing group. It was very scary going on my own, but it meant I met new people and I do love to dance. So can you think of one thing you love to do. Read, knit, sew or if you are free in the evenings look for local clubs. I realise when you are very low this all might be too daunting, so you set yourself mini goals. You do not have to do everything in one go. Ie look for something, think about when you can do it, and then when you feel brave enough go to the club. If this is not for you, go back to the drawing board and look at what you like. It does take time and effort. But when I am feeling low, I allow those feelings to be felt, but then I give it a time limit. Tell the feelings enough is enough and attempt my goal. You might not acheive your goal at first but with each attempt you will succeed more each time.
I still greive the life I have lost and it is a working progress but little by little life is getting better.
Always hopeful, I totally understand how you feel.
I have already lost my adult son and the rest of my family, because I came back to OH.
He is now in prison, I have moved areas from where we were living, so now I have literally nobody.
I'm constantly contradicting myself as to whether to leave him or stick by him......it's making me ill all the stress etc.
I hope you can get support from someone and start to feel a little better x
I have already lost my adult son and the rest of my family, because I came back to OH.
He is now in prison, I have moved areas from where we were living, so now I have literally nobody.
I'm constantly contradicting myself as to whether to leave him or stick by him......it's making me ill all the stress etc.
I hope you can get support from someone and start to feel a little better x
Hey lovely I am so sorry your feeling so low you know i am just a message away sending love x
The loneliness and anxiety are really awful. I have it too.
Sounds like things had been easier, then this set back. Is it possible that things will settle again?
Is leaving a realistic possibility? Maybe it's worth considering but as with most major decisions, it's probably worth holding off until you feel a bit more settled if you can. It's so hard on the journey isn't it? Because frequently nothing here is easy or particularly settled.
I like the earlier suggestion of telling your feelings when enough is enough. I might try that. Because sometimes they are just too much aren't they?
X
Sounds like things had been easier, then this set back. Is it possible that things will settle again?
Is leaving a realistic possibility? Maybe it's worth considering but as with most major decisions, it's probably worth holding off until you feel a bit more settled if you can. It's so hard on the journey isn't it? Because frequently nothing here is easy or particularly settled.
I like the earlier suggestion of telling your feelings when enough is enough. I might try that. Because sometimes they are just too much aren't they?
X
I'm also feeling incredibly lost at the minute. I don't want to get out of bed!
Our adjournment earlier this year related to a second internet offence that they'd decided to bring charges on, not related to indecent images, but the disclosing of private images. All happened around the same time, before he'd got the help & therapy he needed. Don't get me wrong, utterly horrified at what he did at that time and he deserves to be punished. The second offence, being against a person is more serious than the IIOC charge, so on Friday we found out we're faced with the very real possibility of custodial, but obviously hoping for suspended. We'd been focusing on the horror of the first one, not really realising how worse the second situation was.
I've contacted work to say I can't go in today, I need a day in bed hiding away from everything.
Magistrates this Wednesday for plea and following Wednesday (12th) for sentencing. I need to wake up from this nightmare xx
Our adjournment earlier this year related to a second internet offence that they'd decided to bring charges on, not related to indecent images, but the disclosing of private images. All happened around the same time, before he'd got the help & therapy he needed. Don't get me wrong, utterly horrified at what he did at that time and he deserves to be punished. The second offence, being against a person is more serious than the IIOC charge, so on Friday we found out we're faced with the very real possibility of custodial, but obviously hoping for suspended. We'd been focusing on the horror of the first one, not really realising how worse the second situation was.
I've contacted work to say I can't go in today, I need a day in bed hiding away from everything.
Magistrates this Wednesday for plea and following Wednesday (12th) for sentencing. I need to wake up from this nightmare xx
Oh Storm I'm sorry lovely. I need to take a day off, I'm disintegrating and completely dissociating from reality, trying to hold it together. going to book tomorrow as kids have after school activities so I'll be by myself till 4.30.
Forensics are making swift progress and it feels sickening. I want it over but I'm terrified of what's coming.
Forensics are making swift progress and it feels sickening. I want it over but I'm terrified of what's coming.
I´m also trying to keep my head above the water... I´m a mess I really am so I can relate. I´m so sorry and I don´t know what I can advise you on, since I´m just 4 weeks since the knock.. Sending you lots of warm hugs.
These stories break my heart, non of us deserved this, I have gone through hell over my person, I don't post much about the details or how I feel, as I'm just not very chatty in general. But reading how you're all struggling is very upsetting, so much uncertainty and fear, then the loss of enjoying even the most simple things in life is just so sad. For me, life feels like a burden at the moment.
I always try to remember, "its not for ever, it's just for now!" But it doesn't always feel that way, but we have to find hope from somewhere to keep us going.
take care everyone xx
I always try to remember, "its not for ever, it's just for now!" But it doesn't always feel that way, but we have to find hope from somewhere to keep us going.
take care everyone xx
I'm so sorry you feel so low.
I was there once. Thinking about taking my own life. But I'm a coward and couldn't do it. Not to my kids.
I've stayed put. It hasn't been easy. I've lost friends and my property has been targeted.
But I do have an amazing support network of friends and like someone else suggested I took up some new hobbies. I've made new friends - many of whom have no idea of my story.
It takes a long time on this rollercoaster journey to feel like you're coming out the other side - I now know I ended my marriage for the right reasons
I was there once. Thinking about taking my own life. But I'm a coward and couldn't do it. Not to my kids.
I've stayed put. It hasn't been easy. I've lost friends and my property has been targeted.
But I do have an amazing support network of friends and like someone else suggested I took up some new hobbies. I've made new friends - many of whom have no idea of my story.
It takes a long time on this rollercoaster journey to feel like you're coming out the other side - I now know I ended my marriage for the right reasons
I think we've all felt these feelings of hopelessness. With every new development it rears it's ugly head. I find it does pass though and you'll get through it.You'll wake up one morning and it won't be the first thing you think about. Hard to believe but it happens.It's 18 months since my persons arrest and he goes to crown court for sentencing soon. I thought I would never feel happy again but I do. Sending you a hug xx
Thank you everyone, at our lowest points, we have the love and support from each other, it means the world.
I've contacted work this morning to say I can't go in until this is over. I thought I'd be able to manage but my anxiety is sky high, I can't focus or concentrate on anything, my stomachs in bits, I'm scared, feel overwhelmed and it feels like I'm being lead to the gallows! They're being amazing - I have 2 bosses and have told them both, so the understanding is incredible.
My OH has also had to sign off, his job is highly skilled and it's safer for him to take the time off until we get through it. In turn that means he's now told his boss.
We had to have the conversation yesterday about our logistical plan if he goes to prison. Feels like we were doomsday prepping. For 18 months we've managed everything as best we can, but it does feel like a snowball starting to roll faster and faster, getting bigger and bigger.
I'm walking through the most bizzare nightmare, that I just wish I could shake myself out of. Xx
I've contacted work this morning to say I can't go in until this is over. I thought I'd be able to manage but my anxiety is sky high, I can't focus or concentrate on anything, my stomachs in bits, I'm scared, feel overwhelmed and it feels like I'm being lead to the gallows! They're being amazing - I have 2 bosses and have told them both, so the understanding is incredible.
My OH has also had to sign off, his job is highly skilled and it's safer for him to take the time off until we get through it. In turn that means he's now told his boss.
We had to have the conversation yesterday about our logistical plan if he goes to prison. Feels like we were doomsday prepping. For 18 months we've managed everything as best we can, but it does feel like a snowball starting to roll faster and faster, getting bigger and bigger.
I'm walking through the most bizzare nightmare, that I just wish I could shake myself out of. Xx
So sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I am too, so I really sympathise.
Have you reached out to your GP? I did right at the beginning and they prescribed Propanol, which if you are not on then I could not recommend more. I told my GP that I had situational anxiety due to a family members court case and they were happy to prescribe for that reason.
it doesn't take away the "crap" but it does take away that pit in your stomach feeling and makes it "slightly" easier to deal with.
Have you reached out to your GP? I did right at the beginning and they prescribed Propanol, which if you are not on then I could not recommend more. I told my GP that I had situational anxiety due to a family members court case and they were happy to prescribe for that reason.
it doesn't take away the "crap" but it does take away that pit in your stomach feeling and makes it "slightly" easier to deal with.
Hi MJ
Thank you for this idea, might be a good one to explore.
OH has an investigation meeting with work today, looks like they'll push him to resign, but we're not sure, another big change hanging in the balance. All will be revealed this afternoon.
My Mum called last night (she's been very quiet over the last week or so and I was initially really pleased to see she was calling) - then my heart dropped, said she loved me, wouldn't dream of telling me what to do, but she's concerned more than anything for my kids. I get this, those that stay all get this, I wouldn't be a good Mum if that wasn't haunting me too. Threw in the phrase 'I know what I'd do if it was me.' Very easy for someone to say isn't it, how could you possibly know what you'd do. That was a really hard conversation to have, but all I need is her to support me, but there was none of that, so at least I know where I stand. I couldn't really say much apart from 'so what you're asking me to do is leave him!? Her lack of contact and reaching out means she doesn't even know I'm off sick, doesn't now about the multi agency meeting (that me, my OH and ex were all linvolved with as a united force) doesn't know what I've been doing behind the scenes to manage the situation. I've stopped sharing because I could see it was making her uncomfortable, that's not supporting me at the time I need it most, you don't have to agree with my decision, but please just be there for me, as my Mum. Don't push me away...
My OH likened himself to a hot potato yesterday, no-one wants to know or understand, no one cares there's a human being in all of this who made a mistake - has gone to great lengths to rectify those mistakes, when the going gets tough everyone f@!/s off! We haven't even made it to sentencing yet and the guiilotine is already chop chop chopping!
Everyone's terrified of the 'by association' label. We have to change the conversation around this, I just don't think it will happen any time soon. At some point why doesn't common sense tell you with the sheer amount of these cases coming through that we have to understand the why, the motivation, the reasons. This is happening for a reason (we can't just keep sweeping the issue under the carpet) - a lot of people can be lead down a path they didn't ever intend to go down, have thoughts that are not aligned with their morals or values - like my OH find themselves with 9 images in the phones cache and be labelled & defined as sick in the head, a dangerous monster, forever, in the eyes of society!?
I'm numb, I'm empty, I'm at a loss..... when will this end? Will it ever end? I keep saying to myself one step at a time, no rash decisions. I'm clear what I want my end goal to be but will my spirit be crushed, my reputation tattered and ultimately my heart broken .....my hearts broken already for the loss of the life we could have had, the ripple of damage to my OH, the damage it's already made to my familial relationships etc. How much more heartbreak can I stand ....time will tell I guess.
For now, love, understanding, no judgement, compassion to everyone facing this insane, cruel, barbaric situation.
Eye xx
Thank you for this idea, might be a good one to explore.
OH has an investigation meeting with work today, looks like they'll push him to resign, but we're not sure, another big change hanging in the balance. All will be revealed this afternoon.
My Mum called last night (she's been very quiet over the last week or so and I was initially really pleased to see she was calling) - then my heart dropped, said she loved me, wouldn't dream of telling me what to do, but she's concerned more than anything for my kids. I get this, those that stay all get this, I wouldn't be a good Mum if that wasn't haunting me too. Threw in the phrase 'I know what I'd do if it was me.' Very easy for someone to say isn't it, how could you possibly know what you'd do. That was a really hard conversation to have, but all I need is her to support me, but there was none of that, so at least I know where I stand. I couldn't really say much apart from 'so what you're asking me to do is leave him!? Her lack of contact and reaching out means she doesn't even know I'm off sick, doesn't now about the multi agency meeting (that me, my OH and ex were all linvolved with as a united force) doesn't know what I've been doing behind the scenes to manage the situation. I've stopped sharing because I could see it was making her uncomfortable, that's not supporting me at the time I need it most, you don't have to agree with my decision, but please just be there for me, as my Mum. Don't push me away...
My OH likened himself to a hot potato yesterday, no-one wants to know or understand, no one cares there's a human being in all of this who made a mistake - has gone to great lengths to rectify those mistakes, when the going gets tough everyone f@!/s off! We haven't even made it to sentencing yet and the guiilotine is already chop chop chopping!
Everyone's terrified of the 'by association' label. We have to change the conversation around this, I just don't think it will happen any time soon. At some point why doesn't common sense tell you with the sheer amount of these cases coming through that we have to understand the why, the motivation, the reasons. This is happening for a reason (we can't just keep sweeping the issue under the carpet) - a lot of people can be lead down a path they didn't ever intend to go down, have thoughts that are not aligned with their morals or values - like my OH find themselves with 9 images in the phones cache and be labelled & defined as sick in the head, a dangerous monster, forever, in the eyes of society!?
I'm numb, I'm empty, I'm at a loss..... when will this end? Will it ever end? I keep saying to myself one step at a time, no rash decisions. I'm clear what I want my end goal to be but will my spirit be crushed, my reputation tattered and ultimately my heart broken .....my hearts broken already for the loss of the life we could have had, the ripple of damage to my OH, the damage it's already made to my familial relationships etc. How much more heartbreak can I stand ....time will tell I guess.
For now, love, understanding, no judgement, compassion to everyone facing this insane, cruel, barbaric situation.
Eye xx