Family and Friends Forum

I would say that's a really hard one to answer. For me, we're working through things as I believe that he's being honest with me. His arrest was over 1 online chat picture and conversation with a supposed minor. He's still on bail so until there's either charges, or anything different comes out, we carry on and try and rebuild our relationship. We're having counselling and we seem closer than we've ever been. But if the accusations had been worse in any way, I'm not sure I could carry on together.



I hope you work out what to do for the best xx

I'm sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. It is HARD. I'm not married and at the very early stages of this journey after my partner was sentenced last month so I am not in a position to make any decisions about my own relationship but what I have read on this forum is that yes, some do survive but only with a lot of hard work, openness and difficult conversations and if you have kids, with sometimes invasive interventions from social services and other agencies. It is not easy but people have done it.

It is however a very personal decision on whether you choose to stay in your marriage or leave. No one can tell you what to do and it will be based on your own circumstances and the compromised you are willing to make. Some people will share their experience of having stayed in their marriage and regretted it, others will say it has worked out ok a few years down the road, others will say they left and wish they hadn't and others will say they have never looked back after leaving.

There are no easy answers or right or wrong as long as you are safe and confident in your decisions.

I just wanted to say there is no time limit to make a decision. I consciously made a decision to not make a decision as the limbo of trying to decide was making me ill. But I am now at the stage where I need to do this so I can move forward. But this is after 2.5 years. This is my own situation and everyone is different. If this is bery early on for you, just take your time, remmeber to breathe and the decision is yours no one else.

I too am wondering if I can stay in my marriage, so I totally empathise. Its just constant conflict in my head, and one day I feel so low, the next I feel better. So that alone helps me know that I can't make any decisions yet. I'm 4 weeks since the knock so it's still early days. (i used to put capital letters in front of those 2 words but now I've decided not to, to try and take away it's power and hold over me) Plus my OH is just at the start of working on himself with the help of Stop So to understand why he's viewed IIOC and to help him rehabilitate.

Only we as individuals and couples/family members can decide what the best thing for our future is, but thank goodness for this forum so we're able to 'talk' with others going through the same. For me it's not just about love, it's also the practicalities of life going forward with him being on the SOR and limitations and consequences that come with that, plus trust and if I can trust him again. I'm just so thankful that we don't have children as that would add a whole other level of complication. Although i think if we did my decision would be much easier as they'd come first.

I'm waiting to start the Inform course which I'm hoping will give me a deeper understanding of everything. If you've not already done it, and want to know more, call the helpline and someone will be able to talk to you about it.

Wishing you a calmer head soon. I'm happy for you to message me if you need to talk further xx

Biddy, posting on here as often as you need to, to vent, to ask for advice, whatever you need. Xx