Do SS treat boys/girl siblings differently?
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I hope this isn't too stupid or controversial or triggering a question. I am very aware that boys can also be victims and at risk but since evidence would suggest that most offences are committed by men in relation to female children, my question is, do SS consider the sex/gender of the child in their risk assessment or is it irrelevant?
It depends on the material accessed and how it compares to the children at home.
It's very common for boys to be victims and in iioc. Maybe only slightly less common than females I believe x
I've seen it taken into account in risk assessments. Eg if the man had looked exclusively at female children of a certain age and a male child of a different age was in the house this can sometimes but taken into account, but not always.
Thank you for your replies x
I think it depends on your circumstances and the individual social worker. My person was found with iioc of older teen girls age undetermined (1catA and 2cat c I think it was). I have a primary aged boy. It was immediately assessed as high risk, no access not allowed to live under same roof, supervised by multiple others and me only once I'd had assessments complete and done all the courses and explained to my child exactly why dad had been arrested and why social services were coming to see them.
They have to look at the worst possible scenario being likely; with children's safety it's very much guilty and high risk and they work down from there. Equally you can't say 100% that you know they'd never do that because most of us don't know what they were upto to start with and didn't see it coming; unfortunately. So our judgement isn't seen as brilliant at the start because we didn't know. Now further down the line I feel like you have to become an expert on things you really wish you didn't have to know but its to protect children or other vulnerable people from ending up down this road. If only everyone out there knew the risks in as much detail and horror as we do!
They have to look at the worst possible scenario being likely; with children's safety it's very much guilty and high risk and they work down from there. Equally you can't say 100% that you know they'd never do that because most of us don't know what they were upto to start with and didn't see it coming; unfortunately. So our judgement isn't seen as brilliant at the start because we didn't know. Now further down the line I feel like you have to become an expert on things you really wish you didn't have to know but its to protect children or other vulnerable people from ending up down this road. If only everyone out there knew the risks in as much detail and horror as we do!
I think that's what worries me so much. That it may depend so much on an individual social worker. It feels that there is so much subjectivity and inconsistency in approaching these circumstances that you are almost at the mercy of how they feel that particular day and/or the mercy of their own particular beliefs rather that facts and balance of risks. That cannot be helpful to anyone.
It feels like an absolute shambles that the starting point is that we (mum's in this instance) are incapable of protecting our children because we didn't know what they were hiding. People hide all sorts of things in plain sight, sometimes in a positive way (like birthday or Christmas surprises!) and in these cases in the worst possible heart wrenching and painful way. But this itself requires a level of manipulation and deceit that a 'normal' person wouldn't consider by any stretch of the imagination and certainly not from a loved one. It makes me very sad that the assumption is that we could have somehow read our person's minds and stopped it. Like we are responsible for their actions.
Imagine what life would be like if we lived every moment questioning everything and everyone and every action? Is that what SS want? Or do they want to support families to stay together safely?
Nonetheless, i understand that knowledge is power and now that we know, we can't unknown it and SS need to feel assured that we are using that knowledge in the best way possible to protect our children. It just feels very frightening how much it feels like finger pointing and placing blame on the 'other' parent rather than the parent who committed the offences.
It feels like an absolute shambles that the starting point is that we (mum's in this instance) are incapable of protecting our children because we didn't know what they were hiding. People hide all sorts of things in plain sight, sometimes in a positive way (like birthday or Christmas surprises!) and in these cases in the worst possible heart wrenching and painful way. But this itself requires a level of manipulation and deceit that a 'normal' person wouldn't consider by any stretch of the imagination and certainly not from a loved one. It makes me very sad that the assumption is that we could have somehow read our person's minds and stopped it. Like we are responsible for their actions.
Imagine what life would be like if we lived every moment questioning everything and everyone and every action? Is that what SS want? Or do they want to support families to stay together safely?
Nonetheless, i understand that knowledge is power and now that we know, we can't unknown it and SS need to feel assured that we are using that knowledge in the best way possible to protect our children. It just feels very frightening how much it feels like finger pointing and placing blame on the 'other' parent rather than the parent who committed the offences.
I think the thing is until you're stuck in this situation you always think it happena to someone else and not you. But I bet it's more widespread than we think. If it makes you feel any better.....this happens to social workers, people who work in police and for solicitors and people whose jobs involve safeguarding too, as well as people who work in IT and know how to be safe online. Some of the ladies on the forum have said this; and that it makes them feel worse.....because they're so actively involved in preventing or aware and it happens anyway. Because we can't control what other people do and if you trust someone you would never think they'd do this. Many suspect any odd behaviour is affairs or gaming addiction, with me I thought it was depression/mental health issues; I would never in a million of years suspected what it actually was!!!