Family and Friends Forum

Hi,

there's a massive jump between 3 and 9 so I'd suggest you start with what they know about privacy, relationships and internet safety. Make a list for each child of what they already know and how you might be able to add to that knowledge in relation to why dad isn't allowed to see them. For example if your 9 year old has an understanding of internet safety you could let them know that dad didn't follow the internet safety rules and the social worker is there to make sure they are safe enough to see him. Maybe your six year old knows a little about different relationships and what is appropriate within those relationships. There is a book which is also available on YouTube called someone should have told me. This might be appropriate for your 9 year old but have a listen and see what you think xxx

I am in a similar boat. 5 & 10 year old. My husband doesnt have any restrictions so he has been able to see them and take them out. However, borh children were here when we got the knock and my 10 yo knows he spent 2 days in jail. This past Monday we were told he will be serving time but not sure the length of it. I have told my 10 year old that daddy was doing something online and he got caught. I gave him a big talk about internet safety and how easy/quickly you can get dragged into a bad place! He continues to ask what his father did exactly and im still unsure how to answer this. He has stopped asking but it will become full force again if/when his father goes to jail. I am working with his therapist on an appropriate way to explain this to at an age appropriate level without full blown lying. I will update here if we come to any conclusion on how best to handle this! Im so sorry you are going through this also, its just awful!!

The 'someone should have told me' book is a brilliant starting point for discussion. It was previously recommended by one of you lovely lot. I used it with my 12 & 10 year old boys. X

I would agree that I don't think that's appropriate at all. Do you have details for her manager? Are the school/nursery aware of the situation? If they are maybe seek advice from them around what they feel your children should be told.
Child in need is voluntary and should include a plan for what needs to happen next. In our case it was a safety plan was created to allow supervised contact xxx

I'd also be asking about speaking to the children separately rather than all of them together because your 9 year old may have questions that won't be appropriate for your smaller ones to be involved in that discussion. To be honest I'm struggling with the fact that the social worker hasn't picked up on the different needs of the children and is leaving them open to the emotional impact of dealing with processing the disclosure xxx

Keeping an eye on them after they've been told isn't proactive safeguarding in my opinion. They should be looking to build a network of trusted adults who know what the kids are being told and agree on what is age appropriate for them to know should they have any follow up questions. It's challenging enough as adults to process and the children may look for reassurance from their peers which could lead them to ask questions or share information with their parents. I'd definitely be looking to the manager to give clearer guidance on an age appropriate way to tell them. Telling them what has happened doesn't actually help to keep them safe, that comes from the protective adults around them. No child should be responsible for their own safety at 3,6 and 9 xxx

I told my kids daddy was arrested for wanting to hurt us. They are 6 and 3. I've explained he made some bad choices and as they get older I will try and explain a bit more, but I don't think I will ever be able to tell them. I will however make sure that they are more aware of this issue and make sure they know what ever struggles they have, there is always someone they can talk to an options they have for help. I've made a point of being grateful that the police came to protect us and make sure we were safe

I was wondering if you had an update about how it had gone? I am so shocked about what the SW wanted you to tell your little ones, to me that seems so inappropriate :( it makes me terrified that once SS have a hold of you, they call all the shots, I've avoided them mainly until now due to allowing no contact.

I told my little ones that daddy had done a crime that hurt some children and me, the police and school needed to make sure that he couldn't hurt them, so he can't see them for a long time. I also said that he needed to go away and prove to the police that he's very sorry and he won't hurt anyone again.

With my older ones we talked more openly I asked them if they knew what porn was and they did because they had learnt about it in internet safety lessons at school so we talked about porn and about the dangers and what dad had done and why that's wrong.



I hope it went as well as it could, my heart just breaks for the children in the images but also the children left in the bomb site of this mess.