Family and Friends Forum

This is going to be a pretty pointless post if I'm going to be honest, but I find it really useful to just type things out and vent and get it off of my chest. We had a few really good days, my partner finally got a start date for his inform course, he passed his theory, we got the all clear from the doctor regarding a health issue with unborn baby, and then social services agreed he can stay at his mums with me, the baby and our 1 year old once baby boy is here in a couple of weeks as long as we follow the safety plan which is absolutely brilliant news. THEN TODAY... We have a CPP conference next week so social worker bought out her report, apparently me acknowledging he remains a risk and will always remain a risk but wanting to continue the relationship is cause for concern and it is there recommendation the children stay on the CPP rather than go down to CIN which she has been saying will happen. She said the main reason for this is because I'm pregnant and she thinks my mental health will decline after I've had rhe baby without them realising that they are the ones who make my mental health decline. I told her about my partner starting the inform course and she basically said its pointless and isn't going to make a difference to anything it needs to be his horizon course he completes so he phoned his probation officer and asked about that again to be told there's still potentially another 6-7 month wait. Possibly longer which was quite annoying to hear. He has been waiting a year in April to start it. So that was rather deflating to hear. Then he comes over tonight with my sister in law who currently supervises contact, and the plan was he was staying to put her to bed. I told my older children's dad of the plan as they was at his house and my partner is currently only allowed video calls with the older children. So anyway I told my ex how my partner was coming for contact tonight so no matter what he'd need to keep them tonight and he agreed. My partner comes over, we get dinner we're sat eating and he's playing with our 1 year old and my exes mum phones me and tells me my ex (who has a brain problem and has been warned drinking alcohol may kill him) had gone out and 'had a beer with a friend' gone home and collapsed so they had to ring an ambulance so of course I ran round to get my children who were hysterical. I explained my partner was there having contact with our daughter, he'd driven almost 2 hours and been there for half an hour maybe-1 hour tops for my ex and his mum to kick off and say how the children aren't to be around him they'll phone social services bla bla bla. Now he's got to go to hospital. And his mum is really old and my 2 children are terribly upset crying to come home because their dad refuses to sort his life out so I take the kids and leave. Obviously my partner and his sister have had to leave when we got back and he is understandably upset because his time was cut short amd he only sees her once a week as it is because of the distance snd having to rely on his sister to come with him so he's all moody and said goodbye talking about how he feels like my ex has done it on purpose amd I completely agree but I csnt prove it. He's telling me to phone social services and explain so that if anything like this happens again his sister is there she can supervise to see the older 2 aswell which of course makes perfect sense but also. At the same time I don't want to push it too far with social services and ask for too much.



Now I'm worried my ex will pull a stunt like this when I have new baby in a week or 2 and I'll be 2 hours away at my mother in laws, recovering from a csection and won't be able to get back for them. My mother in law has said the older children are welcome to stay at her house with us so now I'm thinking Is it best just to ring social services and explain and take the children with me? I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm being pulled in 10 different directions trying to protect everyone and keep everyone safe and happy but in doing so I've worn myself so thin and fear very soon I'm going to snap.. I'm sorry for the long winded rant. I just needed to get it off my chest.

My older children are 9&8. They love their dad, but they also get what he's like and have no issues coming home to me if they have too where as if I told them they'd have to stay with him for longer it would be a problem, if that makes sense? He's the kinda bloke that has a new girlfriend every other month and the first month he's with them he's amazing buying them everything taking them everywhere, not drinking and they both will say that's there favourite version of there dad but it doesn't last long.

Yeah he said he completely understood it wasn't my fault and fully expected me to go get them he would never have let me tell them no to coming home. But at the same time he said he can't help but feel a little disappointed and he wonders whether my ex does these things on purpose (he is known to be a terrible liar and make himself ill for sympathy, for example he has chrones disease so Is told not to take ibuprofen as it causes a flare up. When we was together he was constantly in and put of hospital he went through a stage of continuous flare ups and I couldn't figure out why, I was emptying his draws out one day and found 2 packets of empty ibuprofen and he said he was taking them so I'd give him sympathy) ... it really wouldn't surprise me if he had faked collapsing just for sympathy. But anyway although my partner knows its not my fault, I can't help but feel guilty for it. We're 2 years in, past sentencing now. Our only battle now is social services. Xx