The unknown with my children
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I dated and remained friends with someone who subsequently went on to be convicted of an online sexual offense against a child - he was sentenced to over 30 months in prison and an indefinite SOR. It's been almost 10 years since his conviction and we have remained in contact throughout. I have 2 female children of secondary school age and work in a children's home in a managerial position. My friend hasn't ever met them or had contact with them since his conviction, he's never even been in my house - he's hugely careful about everything he does and lives with a constant fear and anxiety about doing something wrong - he signs on every year and if anything he over shares things with police that he doesn't even need to from a fear of doing something wrong
Since his conviction he has largely buried his head in the sand and the shame and restrictions he's lived with are utterly life changing, both from a legal aspect and just as someone that is a convicted sex offender. Throughout our 14 years of friendship there has always been something more there, but due to his conviction this is something we have never persued despite both being aware how we feel about one another. We have many discussions about our future but the uncertainty of what would happen is something that weighs on us both heavily. We want to be together but from looking at other people's stories this looks like something that will come with a huge amount of interrogation and hoops to jump through.
He is unaware of exactly what his restrictions of his SHPO are as he's just tried to live a quiet life and forget it ever happened, this is something he's going to look in to again but from what he can remember the only "big" one relating to children is not being unsupervised in an domestic setting with any child under the age of 16 without written consent of the parent that knows about his conviction
In 8 years he will be able to apply to be removed from the register and he is the lowest of low risks according to his SHPO worker who visits him yearly. Having to work closely with SS in my career I'm aware that despite the entire conviction not being upheld with any evidence and the book being thrown at him based on accusations and not evidence, that SS will not take any of that into account because to them he is a convicted sex offender. My children are a similar age of the girls that made the accusations and this is what my bigger concern is around. Whilst I know I would never put my children in an unsafe situation nor do I have any safeguarding concerns about him what so ever, proving that is different and I'm worried about the back lash of us getting into a relationship as well as the uncertainty of my job by affiliation.
In reading other people's stories of similar circumstances it feels as though it really depends who you get on the day. I guess what I'm asking is is it at all a possibility that we can be together and live a somewhat "normal life", or is this going to be something that we have to wait another 5 years for until my children are adults?
I have loved this man for the last 14 years and whilst I'm prepared to go to the lengths of the earth to be with him and protect him, I am a mother first and that will always come above anything else
Since his conviction he has largely buried his head in the sand and the shame and restrictions he's lived with are utterly life changing, both from a legal aspect and just as someone that is a convicted sex offender. Throughout our 14 years of friendship there has always been something more there, but due to his conviction this is something we have never persued despite both being aware how we feel about one another. We have many discussions about our future but the uncertainty of what would happen is something that weighs on us both heavily. We want to be together but from looking at other people's stories this looks like something that will come with a huge amount of interrogation and hoops to jump through.
He is unaware of exactly what his restrictions of his SHPO are as he's just tried to live a quiet life and forget it ever happened, this is something he's going to look in to again but from what he can remember the only "big" one relating to children is not being unsupervised in an domestic setting with any child under the age of 16 without written consent of the parent that knows about his conviction
In 8 years he will be able to apply to be removed from the register and he is the lowest of low risks according to his SHPO worker who visits him yearly. Having to work closely with SS in my career I'm aware that despite the entire conviction not being upheld with any evidence and the book being thrown at him based on accusations and not evidence, that SS will not take any of that into account because to them he is a convicted sex offender. My children are a similar age of the girls that made the accusations and this is what my bigger concern is around. Whilst I know I would never put my children in an unsafe situation nor do I have any safeguarding concerns about him what so ever, proving that is different and I'm worried about the back lash of us getting into a relationship as well as the uncertainty of my job by affiliation.
In reading other people's stories of similar circumstances it feels as though it really depends who you get on the day. I guess what I'm asking is is it at all a possibility that we can be together and live a somewhat "normal life", or is this going to be something that we have to wait another 5 years for until my children are adults?
I have loved this man for the last 14 years and whilst I'm prepared to go to the lengths of the earth to be with him and protect him, I am a mother first and that will always come above anything else
Hi,
it might be a good starting point to request a meeting with his offender manager. Explain that you are looking at potentially building a relationship but you're concerned about the implications for your children. I would say that due to the ages of your girls that disclosure would be necessary for them to have the kind of contact that comes with you two having a normal relationship. You're right in terms of ss but I'd be hopeful that your current role and safeguarding knowledge would set you in good stead with them xxx
it might be a good starting point to request a meeting with his offender manager. Explain that you are looking at potentially building a relationship but you're concerned about the implications for your children. I would say that due to the ages of your girls that disclosure would be necessary for them to have the kind of contact that comes with you two having a normal relationship. You're right in terms of ss but I'd be hopeful that your current role and safeguarding knowledge would set you in good stead with them xxx