Head like a washing machine
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My brain is so tired. I'm trying to manage my business, meet a deadline that is requiring me to work long hours, support my husband, and make sense of this diabolical situation he's put us in. (5 weeks post knock and arrest for downloading and viewing IIOC, which he deleted).
I can't stop thinking about the future and if our marriage is going to make it, let alone worry what's going to happen to him. I know it's really early on in this process, and we're going to be in limbo for a long time, but I'm starting to think more and more that our seperating is inevitable. When it first happened, in with all the anger and devastation, I couldn't think of that. The compassion and love and desire to work through this as a couple was stronger. But now I'm thinking and feeling - how can I trust him again? How can i ever forgive him?Do I want to be married to a probable convicted sex offender? Our sex life has been non existent for 6 years, which I believe is totally linked to this situation. I'm no psychologist but I think his lifelong lack of confidence has led to a lack of sexual experience, which has fuelled an unhealthy porn habit, which obviously escalated. Over the years I tried to talk to him about our issue but he always skirted around the topic and changed the subject, and refused to try therapy when I suggested it. He said a couple of times it was my weight that put him off (I'm 5 foot, size 16, and perimenopausal) which has made me feel insecure about myself. I always felt that was an excuse, and now I know it was. Even if we can get help with that, how do I ever have sex with him again, knowing what he's been viewing for most of his life (the IIOC started just before Christmas last year).
My current and previous careers have ingrained in me the need to plan, and I'm already planning in my head what it'll be like to be on my own, emotionally, logistically and financially. I've been told by a therapist from the LFF that it's too early to make any decisions, but have I already? I feel a lot calmer these past couple of weeks, but is that just the 'emotional blunting' that the anti depressants I've been on for 20 years? Am I not feeling enough anger due to that? Or am I just coping better than I should be because I already know what to do?
It's so damn confusing, because even after all I've just written, he comes home from work, and i look at him, and the thought of not being with him anymore is heartbreaking, regardless of our previous issues. The thought of losing all those little things that made us 'us' is just awful.
I don't really expect helpful advice, because we're all on this forum because of the situation we've been forcibly put in, but any, or even shared experiences is always received with much gratitude. I just needed to write it all down. Love to you all xx
I can't stop thinking about the future and if our marriage is going to make it, let alone worry what's going to happen to him. I know it's really early on in this process, and we're going to be in limbo for a long time, but I'm starting to think more and more that our seperating is inevitable. When it first happened, in with all the anger and devastation, I couldn't think of that. The compassion and love and desire to work through this as a couple was stronger. But now I'm thinking and feeling - how can I trust him again? How can i ever forgive him?Do I want to be married to a probable convicted sex offender? Our sex life has been non existent for 6 years, which I believe is totally linked to this situation. I'm no psychologist but I think his lifelong lack of confidence has led to a lack of sexual experience, which has fuelled an unhealthy porn habit, which obviously escalated. Over the years I tried to talk to him about our issue but he always skirted around the topic and changed the subject, and refused to try therapy when I suggested it. He said a couple of times it was my weight that put him off (I'm 5 foot, size 16, and perimenopausal) which has made me feel insecure about myself. I always felt that was an excuse, and now I know it was. Even if we can get help with that, how do I ever have sex with him again, knowing what he's been viewing for most of his life (the IIOC started just before Christmas last year).
My current and previous careers have ingrained in me the need to plan, and I'm already planning in my head what it'll be like to be on my own, emotionally, logistically and financially. I've been told by a therapist from the LFF that it's too early to make any decisions, but have I already? I feel a lot calmer these past couple of weeks, but is that just the 'emotional blunting' that the anti depressants I've been on for 20 years? Am I not feeling enough anger due to that? Or am I just coping better than I should be because I already know what to do?
It's so damn confusing, because even after all I've just written, he comes home from work, and i look at him, and the thought of not being with him anymore is heartbreaking, regardless of our previous issues. The thought of losing all those little things that made us 'us' is just awful.
I don't really expect helpful advice, because we're all on this forum because of the situation we've been forcibly put in, but any, or even shared experiences is always received with much gratitude. I just needed to write it all down. Love to you all xx
I empathise so much. I'd say it isn't a linear process. 9 months in I have moments of heartbreak and mourning, moments of rage, moments of resilience and optimism about my future as a single mum and moments of despair. I don't have any moments of missing romance or intimacy, as I now see those were only superficially there in my marriage.
What began as a little whisper in the early weeks, and became clear to me as the months went on, is that I deserve to be well, safe, respected and happy, and that the duration of my person's offending behaviour made it very clear it was not a moment of madness. He simply cannot give me the things I need, whereas I can. I sing a lot of 'Flowers' by Miley Cyrus.
So leaving aside the social services aspects of this, let's say by some bizarre turn of events he got an NFA or caution, he isn't someone I can ever allow myself to be intimate with again. I care about him very much and want to coparent with him, but there's no romantic or intimate connection there.
What began as a little whisper in the early weeks, and became clear to me as the months went on, is that I deserve to be well, safe, respected and happy, and that the duration of my person's offending behaviour made it very clear it was not a moment of madness. He simply cannot give me the things I need, whereas I can. I sing a lot of 'Flowers' by Miley Cyrus.
So leaving aside the social services aspects of this, let's say by some bizarre turn of events he got an NFA or caution, he isn't someone I can ever allow myself to be intimate with again. I care about him very much and want to coparent with him, but there's no romantic or intimate connection there.
LisaMargeMaggie
Thankyou for replying and giving me some hope, whichever way my decision goes. I know you'll still be suffering but your words have a hopefulness to them, especially as you're now a single parent. I'm so glad we don't have children. I have friends who do and I've seen how hard it can be sometimes. You're amazing! Xx
Thankyou for replying and giving me some hope, whichever way my decision goes. I know you'll still be suffering but your words have a hopefulness to them, especially as you're now a single parent. I'm so glad we don't have children. I have friends who do and I've seen how hard it can be sometimes. You're amazing! Xx
Hi Poppet,
I'm almost 6 weeks post sentencing but if you recall I wasn't aware of any of it until I found out my partner had gone to prison. This was a surprise to everyone nonetheleast my partner who was expecting a suspended sentence at the recommendation of the probation service. But the judge on the day (Friday afternoon) was having a bad day....so now we've all joined that Judge in having perpetual bad days.
Anyway, I have been a single parent for 7 years. I always kept my relationship with my partner and parenthood (my child is not his) completely separate. It's hard being on your own but it is also liberating, fulfilling, satisfying and fun! You know what's worse than being single? Being in a toxic relationship... whatever that may look like. It is sooooo lonely to be in that place. And if you can get through this, being on your own will be a walk in the park!
I have not made any decisions regarding my partner. The reality is that I love him, but I don't need him. I have a completely separate and self sufficient life so I can walk away very easily. If anything, he needs me much more than I need him. But ..right now, I don't want to walk away because despite the fact that he has lied (haven't all our people at some point), despite the betrayal and despite the devastation he has left behind, I see more to him than these offences from a decade ago. He is not his convictions alone. And also, I have 10.5 months where he's not going anywhere so I am in no rush. I'm just focusing on educating myself, taking care of myself and letting things flow.
You will find your flow amongst the stormy waters...to a much calmer place xxx
I'm almost 6 weeks post sentencing but if you recall I wasn't aware of any of it until I found out my partner had gone to prison. This was a surprise to everyone nonetheleast my partner who was expecting a suspended sentence at the recommendation of the probation service. But the judge on the day (Friday afternoon) was having a bad day....so now we've all joined that Judge in having perpetual bad days.
Anyway, I have been a single parent for 7 years. I always kept my relationship with my partner and parenthood (my child is not his) completely separate. It's hard being on your own but it is also liberating, fulfilling, satisfying and fun! You know what's worse than being single? Being in a toxic relationship... whatever that may look like. It is sooooo lonely to be in that place. And if you can get through this, being on your own will be a walk in the park!
I have not made any decisions regarding my partner. The reality is that I love him, but I don't need him. I have a completely separate and self sufficient life so I can walk away very easily. If anything, he needs me much more than I need him. But ..right now, I don't want to walk away because despite the fact that he has lied (haven't all our people at some point), despite the betrayal and despite the devastation he has left behind, I see more to him than these offences from a decade ago. He is not his convictions alone. And also, I have 10.5 months where he's not going anywhere so I am in no rush. I'm just focusing on educating myself, taking care of myself and letting things flow.
You will find your flow amongst the stormy waters...to a much calmer place xxx
Oh Loveactually, I do remember your story. I hope you're as OK as you can be right now. Thanks so much for your encouraging words. I know I'm a strong person and I can do this if that's what eventually happens, it's just hard to feel I may be losing things I loved about my life. But, those things are not as important as having someone who's fully there for you, emotionally as well as physically, and someone you can trust. I used to think I could trust my husband, but I always suspected there was something he was hiding because he's so buttoned up and repressed. Getting him to talk about anything emotional was liking herding cats. I just put that down to his upbringing, his possible autism, lack of confidence, and not having a father from the age of 3. He's not at all toxic in the standard sense, but i guess it comes in many forms, sometimes wrapped up in a lovely, kind, funny, supportive package.
I feel like we have a reprieve right now. Me, because the forensics and judicial process will take forever and a day, you because your person is currently out of reach for you. At least we don't have to fully deal with all the fallout of their actions just yet. But I know we will, and we'll be ready for it. Xx
I feel like we have a reprieve right now. Me, because the forensics and judicial process will take forever and a day, you because your person is currently out of reach for you. At least we don't have to fully deal with all the fallout of their actions just yet. But I know we will, and we'll be ready for it. Xx
I'm going through a very similar thought process to you at the moment so I know how confusing and emotionally draining it can be. Sending you a massive hug!
My partner has also been charged with IIOC - we got 'the knock' back in November. Initially he lied to me about it but he has since come clean and told me everything (as far as I know?). It seems to be that he "only" looked at these on two occasions back in 2023 which is obviously still awful and makes me feel sick but I'm just pointing out that this doesn't seem to have been a long pattern of this behaviour. We were going through a really difficult time in our lives with bereavements and illness and I think he ended up using porn as a really unhealthy escape and got lost down that horrible rabbit hole. None of that excuses him for what he has done but I do feel some empathy for him that he just wasn't coping at the time. He denies being attracted to children and I do believe him. We have never had any issues with intimacy so I was and still am really confused by what he has done.
Anyway, I also have the same worries of how will I ever trust him again?! Some days I think there is no way we will ever rebuild our relationship and then other days I feel confident that we can get through this. My head tells me to leave but my heart tells me to stay - it's such a confusing feeling!! Right now, I have decided to stick by him but he knows if any further info comes to light that shows he has not been 100% honest then I will be gone. He is making an effort to rebuild trust and has been in touch with the helpline to try and understand why he got to the point that he did. I have postponed our wedding planning until the court case is dealt with. Like you, we don't have any children and I don't ever plan to have any and I feel so grateful for that! I worry that I will grow to resent him for the impact his stupid decisions have had on both our lives but for now I am just taking it day by day.
Sorry that was a long winded response but basically I just want you to know you are definitely not alone in the thoughts and worries you are having! Whatever you decide to do, I know you will be ok and strong enough to get through it. Just give yourself some time and be kind to yourself. Sending you so much love!!
My partner has also been charged with IIOC - we got 'the knock' back in November. Initially he lied to me about it but he has since come clean and told me everything (as far as I know?). It seems to be that he "only" looked at these on two occasions back in 2023 which is obviously still awful and makes me feel sick but I'm just pointing out that this doesn't seem to have been a long pattern of this behaviour. We were going through a really difficult time in our lives with bereavements and illness and I think he ended up using porn as a really unhealthy escape and got lost down that horrible rabbit hole. None of that excuses him for what he has done but I do feel some empathy for him that he just wasn't coping at the time. He denies being attracted to children and I do believe him. We have never had any issues with intimacy so I was and still am really confused by what he has done.
Anyway, I also have the same worries of how will I ever trust him again?! Some days I think there is no way we will ever rebuild our relationship and then other days I feel confident that we can get through this. My head tells me to leave but my heart tells me to stay - it's such a confusing feeling!! Right now, I have decided to stick by him but he knows if any further info comes to light that shows he has not been 100% honest then I will be gone. He is making an effort to rebuild trust and has been in touch with the helpline to try and understand why he got to the point that he did. I have postponed our wedding planning until the court case is dealt with. Like you, we don't have any children and I don't ever plan to have any and I feel so grateful for that! I worry that I will grow to resent him for the impact his stupid decisions have had on both our lives but for now I am just taking it day by day.
Sorry that was a long winded response but basically I just want you to know you are definitely not alone in the thoughts and worries you are having! Whatever you decide to do, I know you will be ok and strong enough to get through it. Just give yourself some time and be kind to yourself. Sending you so much love!!
EmLou, a big hug right back! Thankyou. Even though I hate how many of us are here, it's so comforting to know there are people who can fully empathise with each other. And to know that you're not going crazy with all the thoughts and all the feelings. Today I'm feeling a little more hopeful, tomorrow might be different, who knows?! Just being able to talk about it and hear other's experiences has helped my head feel much calmer for now. Its so easy to spiral and get totally consumed by all the thoughts.
Thankyou all from the bottom of my heart, please try and have a calm weekend xx
Thankyou all from the bottom of my heart, please try and have a calm weekend xx
I am in the same situation as you entirely. We got the knock in November and the emotions are still all over the place. My husband moved out 10 days post knock but he still comes over 5 days a week to see the children. My heart is broken and all I want to do is talk to him about it bc hes my best friend but hes the one that hurt me so badly. I want him back but also cant phathom having him live here again. Its so confusing and there is no right answer. Sending hugs to everyone because this is truly and unreal experience that I didnt even know was possible until it happened. I pray to have better days ahead but its been a tough go.
Letitgo - it must be so much harder when there are you're children involved. At least they're still able to see their dad, but it must be so exhausting for you. Its hard enough when you don't have them. I too want to talk to my husband, but I feel that there's not much else to say right now. He's had 3 therapy sessions with someone from Stop So, but they've not yet got into the nitty gritty and why's. I know what he's done, and how awful he feels and scared he is. He knows how angry, betrayed and hurt I feel, and also that I want to help him. I know at some point I'll probably have to be selfish but that time isn't now.
I've had a good day today. A much lighter mood and way more productive at work, and much of that is due to all of your replies to my post. Thankyou thankyou thankyou xx
I've had a good day today. A much lighter mood and way more productive at work, and much of that is due to all of your replies to my post. Thankyou thankyou thankyou xx
Poppet - I´m sending you MUCH love <3 (send me a DM at any time if you need/want)
It really is a roller coaster of emotions isn´t it.
Do whatever you feel is good for YOU for the day. Try to be here and now and not think so much of the future. I know, easier said than done but I think we´ll drive ourselves insane if we´re not trying to take one day at a time. I think the decision will come naturally in time.
My update:
Since I received the email from the police officer in my bf´s case on the 3rd of February I´ve been waiting for the 14th of March to come (my bf´s next court date she wrote, but don´t know if it was supposed to be a plea or sentencing). And when the day finally arrived I couldn´t see my bf´s name anywhere on the court sites :(
I´ve been waiting for 6 weeks for some type of information but nope. Nothing! :(
I was totally devastated yesterday. I really REALLY needed some type of information!! They must have postponed the court date!?
Still haven´t had any response from the "find a prisoner", 3 weeks since I applied, but I got an email yesterday from the helpline and they said it could take 6-8 weeks to get a reply. And that´s only if my bf gives permission. They also wrote, often with these types of cases, the offender wishes to block out family members and partners but more often than not, does then make contact after a few months when they are more settled.
Being that I´m abroad doesn´t help. I feel so lost and far away from everything if you know what I mean.
6 weeks + 1 day since the knock at the hotel room door in the UK. I feel lonelier than ever.
If me & my bf can move forward after “this”, being I´m abroad too (and it´ll get tougher to travel) I have no idea, but I miss him and I love him. And I need to have contact with him before making any decisions.
It really is a roller coaster of emotions isn´t it.
Do whatever you feel is good for YOU for the day. Try to be here and now and not think so much of the future. I know, easier said than done but I think we´ll drive ourselves insane if we´re not trying to take one day at a time. I think the decision will come naturally in time.
My update:
Since I received the email from the police officer in my bf´s case on the 3rd of February I´ve been waiting for the 14th of March to come (my bf´s next court date she wrote, but don´t know if it was supposed to be a plea or sentencing). And when the day finally arrived I couldn´t see my bf´s name anywhere on the court sites :(
I´ve been waiting for 6 weeks for some type of information but nope. Nothing! :(
I was totally devastated yesterday. I really REALLY needed some type of information!! They must have postponed the court date!?
Still haven´t had any response from the "find a prisoner", 3 weeks since I applied, but I got an email yesterday from the helpline and they said it could take 6-8 weeks to get a reply. And that´s only if my bf gives permission. They also wrote, often with these types of cases, the offender wishes to block out family members and partners but more often than not, does then make contact after a few months when they are more settled.
Being that I´m abroad doesn´t help. I feel so lost and far away from everything if you know what I mean.
6 weeks + 1 day since the knock at the hotel room door in the UK. I feel lonelier than ever.
If me & my bf can move forward after “this”, being I´m abroad too (and it´ll get tougher to travel) I have no idea, but I miss him and I love him. And I need to have contact with him before making any decisions.
Tinydrops - my heart goes out to you. The limbo you're in is even worse because you have so little information and you can't even speak to your bf to get his perspective. Is it definitely a court date on March 14th or the first bail review? If it's court then that means the evidence was already enough to charge him (as far as my understanding leads me to believe). If its court then the 1st appearance is usually the plea, then it either goes to trial or to sentencing at a later date. If its for a bail review, that's with the police and in so many of these cases, it gets extended for another 3 months. My husbands review is the end of April, and we're fully expecting it to be extended for another 3 months of limbo. I do hope you'll be able to get some sort of information and contact soon.
And thankyou so very much for your advice, it was perfect. I've copied and pasted it into my notes so I can read it as a daily reminder. I'm bad for needing to plan, thinking too far ahead and overthinking, so your words were exactly what I needed. A big big hug. And please feel free to DM me at any time too. Xx
And thankyou so very much for your advice, it was perfect. I've copied and pasted it into my notes so I can read it as a daily reminder. I'm bad for needing to plan, thinking too far ahead and overthinking, so your words were exactly what I needed. A big big hug. And please feel free to DM me at any time too. Xx
It's been really interesting reading all of these posts on this thread, and Poppet your reference to your head being like a washing machine is so accurate. I hope it slows down at some point, mine is starting to a little.
I'm in a similar position whereby I don't know what decision to make; try to make it work or leave. Your so right in that we love them but the trust is gone and separation seems likely.
my knock came a very long time ago but I wasn't told the truth by my OH who asked me to keep it secret for 18 months, before he was forced to come clean even then lied. He is being sentenced end of March for having access to/viewing IIOC and engaging in sexual comms with 13-15 year olds (6 chats total).
I don't think he's a bad person, but he's made bad decisions, for 7 months out of our 10+ year relationship. And then more bad decisions by lying about it, out of fear of losing me apparently.
After a month of living apart, I've let him back home (sleeping separately ofc) on the condition that it's by no means a sign of forgiveness or long term decision. It's really hard though, as every time I look at him in the house my mind goes to the ages of these chat recipients and whether I truly believe he's not got an actual attraction..
we'll see how the next two weeks go..
from what I've seen of other posts, the decision to stay or leave has been a mixed bag, likely due to differing situations.
I'm in a similar position whereby I don't know what decision to make; try to make it work or leave. Your so right in that we love them but the trust is gone and separation seems likely.
my knock came a very long time ago but I wasn't told the truth by my OH who asked me to keep it secret for 18 months, before he was forced to come clean even then lied. He is being sentenced end of March for having access to/viewing IIOC and engaging in sexual comms with 13-15 year olds (6 chats total).
I don't think he's a bad person, but he's made bad decisions, for 7 months out of our 10+ year relationship. And then more bad decisions by lying about it, out of fear of losing me apparently.
After a month of living apart, I've let him back home (sleeping separately ofc) on the condition that it's by no means a sign of forgiveness or long term decision. It's really hard though, as every time I look at him in the house my mind goes to the ages of these chat recipients and whether I truly believe he's not got an actual attraction..
we'll see how the next two weeks go..
from what I've seen of other posts, the decision to stay or leave has been a mixed bag, likely due to differing situations.
I split from my when it first happened but then got back with him because I wanted to relocate and I couldn't get a flat with just my wages he was wanting to relocate so we got back together. He was done for images he got off lightly community order sor for I think 5 years. When my daughter moved back in with my ss told me he had to go he got a room we still stayed a couple with him living in this room. After just under a year of him living alone he moved back with us police came for a standard home visit he had deleted his internet history and not declared some apps and a credit card he's got. Go to court he gets suspended sentence as it's about a year since sentencing from the first offence. We carried on he blamed going watching porn on being in that small room on his own and he was down. Told him if he messes up again that's it. Long story short 2 weeks ago he dumped me said he fallen out of love with me I started to accept it. After a few days I find he's downloaded apps and deleted apps on my iPad one of them being kik. I was like you have to go. After few days I find out he's cheated on me with an 18year old vulnerable young girl and she does look young. So obviously there's no way back now and I feel I've wasted years on him. He clearly has a problem that he won't admit too I can't help him anymore. He has done a proper job on her told her he loves her wants her to move in with him. Apparently he has called it off with her now because he can't trust her (he found out she had told me the truth) then apparently shut it down. He has put nearly 10 years of marriage down the pan for his fantasy. We were still being intimate but he dumped me because he was going to sail away into the sunset with the 18 year old. He is now trying to say he's more gay because that's better than admitting he's the p word
Hi,
I didn't want to read your message and just disappear.
I have been going through this now since Jun 2023. Then found out I was pregnant in July 2023, after being told I could never have children so for the last 2 years now my life has totally 360°.
I am in a position of not knowing where my life is going. I no longer have the stability of what I thought I had. I.e. we was planning to get married. I had a 14yr career which I have now lost as I can't go back to what I was doing as it was really full on and full time and just doesn't work with my LG, me being alone, no support, no actual help as I lost a lot of family and friends due to this situation. After having so many professionals involved with myself and LG over the last year. My brains frazzled.
I just want to be a family, however all the lying, uncertainty, trust has gone and lots of other stuff. I no longer can see my future, which really messes my head up too ss I actually felt in a great mental space before Jun 2023. I started the job of my dreams and then this all happened a week in to me starting. Everytime I feel something looks up we take 20 steps backwards.
So me personally idk what to suggest as I am pretty much unsure as to what my life is going to go too. But I am trying my best to focus on my LG. But even that's hard ;(
But either way I just want to say thank you to everyone in this group who make me feel a little bit normal on the bad days and understand how I am feeling with out full discussion of why, you guys just get it. So just sending love and hugs out to everyone. Anyways just rambling now. Sorry. Xxx
I didn't want to read your message and just disappear.
I have been going through this now since Jun 2023. Then found out I was pregnant in July 2023, after being told I could never have children so for the last 2 years now my life has totally 360°.
I am in a position of not knowing where my life is going. I no longer have the stability of what I thought I had. I.e. we was planning to get married. I had a 14yr career which I have now lost as I can't go back to what I was doing as it was really full on and full time and just doesn't work with my LG, me being alone, no support, no actual help as I lost a lot of family and friends due to this situation. After having so many professionals involved with myself and LG over the last year. My brains frazzled.
I just want to be a family, however all the lying, uncertainty, trust has gone and lots of other stuff. I no longer can see my future, which really messes my head up too ss I actually felt in a great mental space before Jun 2023. I started the job of my dreams and then this all happened a week in to me starting. Everytime I feel something looks up we take 20 steps backwards.
So me personally idk what to suggest as I am pretty much unsure as to what my life is going to go too. But I am trying my best to focus on my LG. But even that's hard ;(
But either way I just want to say thank you to everyone in this group who make me feel a little bit normal on the bad days and understand how I am feeling with out full discussion of why, you guys just get it. So just sending love and hugs out to everyone. Anyways just rambling now. Sorry. Xxx
Conflicted - at the moment my head is more like a gentle handwash rather than the spin cycle it has been! After lots of reading im this forum over the weekend, I'm trying to take one day at a time and trying not to think too much into the future. There are too many variables that neither of us can know the outcome of, that will influence my decisions. All of it is a process that needs to happen. I just wish it would happen quicker! Much love to you. Xx
Losingit - I'm so sorry for all you've been through. Once you've started to come to terms with all the hurt and betrayal, I think you'll know you're better off without him. He sounds like he needs some serious help from professionals or he'll just stay in this trapped cycle. Big hugs xx
Moonbeam 88 never apologise for rambling! You're not, you're just getting you're feeling down in words and it's not easy when your head is all over the place. Do it as often as you need to, it can be therapeutic and so reassuring to know that everyone on here is going through similar experiences and emotions. Call the helpline too if you need to. They're really good and will give advice and just listen, if that's all you need.
When we've experienced so much hurt and betrayal it's easy to think of our future in a negative way. But none of us know what our future will be. I'm so bad for overthinking and thinking too far ahead, but I'm trying hard to take one day at a time now. Its hard, but I'm trying. Just because today isn't so good, doesn't mean that everyday will be like that. Much love xx
When we've experienced so much hurt and betrayal it's easy to think of our future in a negative way. But none of us know what our future will be. I'm so bad for overthinking and thinking too far ahead, but I'm trying hard to take one day at a time now. Its hard, but I'm trying. Just because today isn't so good, doesn't mean that everyday will be like that. Much love xx
Thank you poppet. Yes been a hard few weeks and even though some days are easier than others I'm hoping to get back on track eventually I'm just taking it one day at a time. But some days I can be like I can do this then other days I can wake up and just think about every aspect of the situation and then I have to try and snap out of that.
Thank you for responding to me.
Well this week has already been a poop
Me and my LG just survived the neurovirus going round Tuesday she had her 1 year old jabs which not going to lie was horrendous and then her dad got the call from the police to say they are charging him and he has his charging meeting next Wednesday. Then I sit here wondering when I cant sleep. I'm not suprised when mh head doesn't stop spinning and it's one lot of stuff after another. I really appreciate everyone on her as tbh I feel so alone with whats going on, only a few of my friends his family are aware of the situation as my family armt really supportive in the way you need in these kind of situations. So today has just been a bust of a day tbh.
I hope you and everyone else have a good Thursday ????
Well this week has already been a poop
Me and my LG just survived the neurovirus going round Tuesday she had her 1 year old jabs which not going to lie was horrendous and then her dad got the call from the police to say they are charging him and he has his charging meeting next Wednesday. Then I sit here wondering when I cant sleep. I'm not suprised when mh head doesn't stop spinning and it's one lot of stuff after another. I really appreciate everyone on her as tbh I feel so alone with whats going on, only a few of my friends his family are aware of the situation as my family armt really supportive in the way you need in these kind of situations. So today has just been a bust of a day tbh.
I hope you and everyone else have a good Thursday ????
Oh Moonbeam that's a real toilet of a week! You poor love. Norovirus is utterly miserable. Please keep up posted about charging appointment - we're also waiting for The Call. Is your person images or communication? Xx
Morning,
All I'm aware of is it for making of all categories a-c and that he has got to go next Wednesday and they will discuss in more detail with him.
He started to ask me lots of questions yesterday like I know what's going to happen I have no idea. So told him to speak to his solicitor.
He also spoke to his counsellor as he had a major mental breakdown after the call yesterday and she specialises on sexual offence counselling so he has an appt with her Friday now.
He is on 3 types of mental health meds now too and they arnt even helping him fell any better. Idk.
Just been a long week and just feels like it never ends. :(
Also I just feel super alone, I don't really have any real outside support just here. His family are all ware and a couple of my friends but tbh they arnt the most supportive either it's either ignore whats happened, them telling me he was a idiot for aoinf this or just acting like nothing had changed or having a breakdown. I cant win ;&
It's been the longest 2 years of my life and just doesn't feel like it's going to stop any time soon. Hope you get news soon x
All I'm aware of is it for making of all categories a-c and that he has got to go next Wednesday and they will discuss in more detail with him.
He started to ask me lots of questions yesterday like I know what's going to happen I have no idea. So told him to speak to his solicitor.
He also spoke to his counsellor as he had a major mental breakdown after the call yesterday and she specialises on sexual offence counselling so he has an appt with her Friday now.
He is on 3 types of mental health meds now too and they arnt even helping him fell any better. Idk.
Just been a long week and just feels like it never ends. :(
Also I just feel super alone, I don't really have any real outside support just here. His family are all ware and a couple of my friends but tbh they arnt the most supportive either it's either ignore whats happened, them telling me he was a idiot for aoinf this or just acting like nothing had changed or having a breakdown. I cant win ;&
It's been the longest 2 years of my life and just doesn't feel like it's going to stop any time soon. Hope you get news soon x
Moonbeam what a crappy week you've had. Feeling physically low will just make the emotional and mental lows even worse, so try and build your energy back up with good food, fresh air and sunshine. Do let us know how the charging goes. As far as my idiot husband has told me, he's been arrested for downloading, so, making, cat A,B and C images, so it sounds similar to yours. I hope that this will mean you're coming to the end stages now and you can be out of this limbo soon to start looking forward. It feels like we're trapped in a holding pen of sorts doesn't it, where you can't quite see through the glass to the outside world and life.
I'm so sorry you feel unsupported too. We're all here for you, but its not quite the same as a real person you can put a name and a face to. Is there anyone you feel most close to you can't talk to?
Remember that not every day/week will be rotten. Xx
I'm so sorry you feel unsupported too. We're all here for you, but its not quite the same as a real person you can put a name and a face to. Is there anyone you feel most close to you can't talk to?
Remember that not every day/week will be rotten. Xx
Thank Poppet. You make me smile when you put idiot husband, all my brain thought was my ex is definitely more than an idiot lol ????
I just feel so drained, but it's also probably because I am not really sleeping proper. Mainly the baba, a medically broken dog, health issues and stress (are always great mixed together right lol). If I don't laugh I'd cry i feel.
Thank you for your response, it's just nice to air stuff and get it out your brain sometimes.
I do feel that sometimes we are all living in the real world, where our convicted crazy others are acting like free agents who haven't done nothing where we are stressed daily and dealing with the real world and the impact of what they did everyday with not even having done anything wrong ourselves. (It drives me bonkers.)
I am not to sure what's going to happen next, I have told him to speak to the solicitor for more information as all I have heard all day via every message I have received from him is that he is in mental stress as the unknown is hard. Erm... he wants to have a 1 year old throwing up and the other way all day and screaming on top of it all. But hey ho we still live in the real world and have to deal with everything. (Sorry just fed up)
I would like to hope that we are getting closer to the end, but with how slow everything has been so far, I don't feel like this is ever going to end. Everything feels like in slow motion every day
I have 2 friends who are aware of the situation, hut I'm not going to lie neither are the most supportive. They both just blame everything on him, tell me to live my life and forget what's happening (wish I could) and basically talk to me like he had cheated on me and that's what I'm dealing with, but obviously that's not what's happening. I just generally think its hard for those who arnt or haven't gone through this kidna of stress to truly understand, they both just seem to want him to have a book thrown at him. Even though the story isn't typically he did it because of attraction. It was more investigation to why he was SA as a child and then the progression has gone from there. Obviously I don't understand why this is where it is and whys. But I also feel this isn't a typical how it looks as its written down situation either. But we haven't seen each other for 9 - nearly 10 months now as he isn't allowed near me or my LG on bail conditions. So unsure if any of that is going to change because of charging but that's making me feel anxious too as not to sure I want to see him face to face any time soon (which probably sounds horrible, but it's true and I think its from loss of trust and not being able to comprehend that he actually understands how he has affected us (me and lg) fully. Idk. Just want it to get easier but it never feels like it is going too.
Sorry for the waffle (i have adhd, so can talk for England). Thanks for responding, and if you ever want to chat please do i don't mind. Be nice to have someone to of load to both ways. Xx
I just feel so drained, but it's also probably because I am not really sleeping proper. Mainly the baba, a medically broken dog, health issues and stress (are always great mixed together right lol). If I don't laugh I'd cry i feel.
Thank you for your response, it's just nice to air stuff and get it out your brain sometimes.
I do feel that sometimes we are all living in the real world, where our convicted crazy others are acting like free agents who haven't done nothing where we are stressed daily and dealing with the real world and the impact of what they did everyday with not even having done anything wrong ourselves. (It drives me bonkers.)
I am not to sure what's going to happen next, I have told him to speak to the solicitor for more information as all I have heard all day via every message I have received from him is that he is in mental stress as the unknown is hard. Erm... he wants to have a 1 year old throwing up and the other way all day and screaming on top of it all. But hey ho we still live in the real world and have to deal with everything. (Sorry just fed up)
I would like to hope that we are getting closer to the end, but with how slow everything has been so far, I don't feel like this is ever going to end. Everything feels like in slow motion every day
I have 2 friends who are aware of the situation, hut I'm not going to lie neither are the most supportive. They both just blame everything on him, tell me to live my life and forget what's happening (wish I could) and basically talk to me like he had cheated on me and that's what I'm dealing with, but obviously that's not what's happening. I just generally think its hard for those who arnt or haven't gone through this kidna of stress to truly understand, they both just seem to want him to have a book thrown at him. Even though the story isn't typically he did it because of attraction. It was more investigation to why he was SA as a child and then the progression has gone from there. Obviously I don't understand why this is where it is and whys. But I also feel this isn't a typical how it looks as its written down situation either. But we haven't seen each other for 9 - nearly 10 months now as he isn't allowed near me or my LG on bail conditions. So unsure if any of that is going to change because of charging but that's making me feel anxious too as not to sure I want to see him face to face any time soon (which probably sounds horrible, but it's true and I think its from loss of trust and not being able to comprehend that he actually understands how he has affected us (me and lg) fully. Idk. Just want it to get easier but it never feels like it is going too.
Sorry for the waffle (i have adhd, so can talk for England). Thanks for responding, and if you ever want to chat please do i don't mind. Be nice to have someone to of load to both ways. Xx
Well have an update.
They have found 11 a, 6 b and 16c.
The solicitor wasn't very helpful and was someone totally different to who he has seen before. He has now got to go to court now on 25th April.
He is having a mental breakdown, I don't know what to do. All I keep getting from him is he is stressed about prison.
Idk, if anyone can help me, or give any advice I'd appreciate it.
Sorry ????
They have found 11 a, 6 b and 16c.
The solicitor wasn't very helpful and was someone totally different to who he has seen before. He has now got to go to court now on 25th April.
He is having a mental breakdown, I don't know what to do. All I keep getting from him is he is stressed about prison.
Idk, if anyone can help me, or give any advice I'd appreciate it.
Sorry ????
Moonbeam
Is there a reason why he's convinced he's going to prison? Its not that common that someone gets sent to prison for images only for a grass offence but it can happen. Can he call the helpline to get some support? X
Is there a reason why he's convinced he's going to prison? Its not that common that someone gets sent to prison for images only for a grass offence but it can happen. Can he call the helpline to get some support? X
I think its because the solicitor he seen today kept mentioning it. He has bpd and severe depression and anxiety. To the point he is now on 3 lots of meds to support it including beta blockers and he is still stressing out and having breakdowns. He has never been this bad with his mental health.
Also he has spoken to his therapist and she has confirmed what you have said above.