Struggling
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We had the knock last week 7am
My husband was arrested for talking to a 13 year old sexually online.
He's admitted everything. That he didn't know her age at first but even when he did he continued talking sexually to her. There were other sexual chats with women of age too that he admitted to me.
We have a young child that is now not allowed to see his Daddy unsupervised, no over nights etc. Im really struggling to understand why he has done this to us.
I ended our marriage the minute I found out. I can't get my head around why he has done this. I knew our relationship was a bit rocky now and again and we did split up at one point for a little while too which is when I suspect this happened. He had been "off" with me, not wanting any physical affection, we hadn't had sex in over a year mostly because of the split but even when we got back together no sex, no hugs, nothing.
Now I'm doubting if I was ever good enough. Why he did this to our family.
I am just shocked and hurt and struggling to process what's happened.
Any advice?
Thanks.
My husband was arrested for talking to a 13 year old sexually online.
He's admitted everything. That he didn't know her age at first but even when he did he continued talking sexually to her. There were other sexual chats with women of age too that he admitted to me.
We have a young child that is now not allowed to see his Daddy unsupervised, no over nights etc. Im really struggling to understand why he has done this to us.
I ended our marriage the minute I found out. I can't get my head around why he has done this. I knew our relationship was a bit rocky now and again and we did split up at one point for a little while too which is when I suspect this happened. He had been "off" with me, not wanting any physical affection, we hadn't had sex in over a year mostly because of the split but even when we got back together no sex, no hugs, nothing.
Now I'm doubting if I was ever good enough. Why he did this to our family.
I am just shocked and hurt and struggling to process what's happened.
Any advice?
Thanks.
Hi. I'm sorry you find yourself here. My thoughts are, you've done the right thing. For someone to do this to their family is about the worst thing they could ever do. For me, my now ex husband lied to me for 3 decades about being sexually attracted to children. I decided to "support" him but I divorced him. After he went to prison the first time, I let him back into my life as a friend. I really really regret that because 3 years ago, he reoffended and is due sentencing. I really believed he would never ever put me and our children through this all again but he did. No one should have to live under that kind of stress. There's often discussions on here about men becoming addicted to porn and then going down the illegal route. That wasn't the case for my ex. I worry that the porn addiction thing is an excuse sometimes. Keep posting here though and use the helpline too because they are a great resource and very supportive. X
Broken unicorn
Its important that you do not blame yourself for this. These men are the only ones who are responsible for their actions. No one else.
The fact that he admitted to it is a positive sign, because it means he is not in denial, like a lot of them are. They generally see the chats as a fantasy only and dont appreciate the real world consequences, until it is too late.
LFF runs a programme called EngagePlus which helps the men understand why they did it. He might want to contact them about it.
https://www.lucyfaithfull.org.uk/files/LFF%20Case%20Study%20EngagePlus_V2_OCT21.pdf
Its important that you do not blame yourself for this. These men are the only ones who are responsible for their actions. No one else.
The fact that he admitted to it is a positive sign, because it means he is not in denial, like a lot of them are. They generally see the chats as a fantasy only and dont appreciate the real world consequences, until it is too late.
LFF runs a programme called EngagePlus which helps the men understand why they did it. He might want to contact them about it.
https://www.lucyfaithfull.org.uk/files/LFF%20Case%20Study%20EngagePlus_V2_OCT21.pdf
Broken unicorn - I'm so sorry you're in this awful situation. I arrived here almost 6 weeks ago, and those first few weeks are horrendous. Its so easy to blame ourselves, and even though I've been told not to, and I know I'm not to blame, I'm still thinking I've been a factor. For me it's because i love him and want to understand why and help him understand why and try to help fix it.
I called the helpline a couple of times during the very early stages. They were great. I'm also on the list for the Inform course, which will help me to understand the situation more. Give them a call, and they'll either give advise or just listen, whatever you need. Xx
I called the helpline a couple of times during the very early stages. They were great. I'm also on the list for the Inform course, which will help me to understand the situation more. Give them a call, and they'll either give advise or just listen, whatever you need. Xx
I literally could have written this post myself as my situation is almost exactly the same. I had no idea and he also admitted everything to me, I left the marriage the moment I found out too, and I also have a young child. It's such a struggle to try and understand why and so hard not to blame yourself. I just cant get my head around it all. I have a close friend and family to support me through and my little one is keeping me going. I havent tried the helpline but I've read good things and may try it if needed. I'm heartbroken really, it's so tough to deal with.
Apart from the fact that we have no children living at home your story resonates with me so much.
We are 7 months post knock for an online conversation - one of many with adults - he maintains however that he didn't know her age. He is working hard on understanding how he got there. We have both participated in courses to gain a better insight into this. These have helped.
We have remained together and are also working hard on our relationship - it wasn't 'bad' pre knock but he had MH issues stemming from stress and illness that I was unaware of. However if I were in your position (with youngsters at home) I may have ended it - I don't know.
All I can say is there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to feel - do what you need to do and take it one day at a time.
We are all here to support you xx
We are 7 months post knock for an online conversation - one of many with adults - he maintains however that he didn't know her age. He is working hard on understanding how he got there. We have both participated in courses to gain a better insight into this. These have helped.
We have remained together and are also working hard on our relationship - it wasn't 'bad' pre knock but he had MH issues stemming from stress and illness that I was unaware of. However if I were in your position (with youngsters at home) I may have ended it - I don't know.
All I can say is there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to feel - do what you need to do and take it one day at a time.
We are all here to support you xx