Adolescence
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Haven't watched this drama but was interested how it provoked discussion yesterday even mentioned in parliament.
Seemed a glimmer of facing up to the realisation of how internet/social media is affecting our young people was sparked.
i found one comment very frightening and thought provoking. It was said how it was reshaping and desensitising our young men and not in a good way.... A huge percent (compared to girls) were forming warped views against women - especially watching extreme pornography at such a young age. Also - adding into the mix - how social media whipped up hate and prejudice against each other and in communities.
It really is a ticking time bomb isn't it?
Seemed a glimmer of facing up to the realisation of how internet/social media is affecting our young people was sparked.
i found one comment very frightening and thought provoking. It was said how it was reshaping and desensitising our young men and not in a good way.... A huge percent (compared to girls) were forming warped views against women - especially watching extreme pornography at such a young age. Also - adding into the mix - how social media whipped up hate and prejudice against each other and in communities.
It really is a ticking time bomb isn't it?
I watched the 4 episodes this weekend and just sat there thinking about the very same. It shouldn't excuse what our persons have done of course, as it's completely wrong, but it does raise awareness to the impact that these things have on men and how desensitised they can become through porn/socials/lack of ability to communicate or express feelings. I've suggested my OH watches it. The focus of the series is on young males but this also continues into adulthood or can develop later on.
It was hard to watch also because my OH had been chatting to teens (some decoys/police) for a couple of months in a sexual manner and these kids in the series are around 13-15. He's going to be working with StopSO Counsellor to try and work out why his red flags didnt come up as they should have done. After I watched it I had woud myself up and felt really angry.
It was hard to watch also because my OH had been chatting to teens (some decoys/police) for a couple of months in a sexual manner and these kids in the series are around 13-15. He's going to be working with StopSO Counsellor to try and work out why his red flags didnt come up as they should have done. After I watched it I had woud myself up and felt really angry.
I see it slightly differently to most, because the easy option is to blame social media for creating the problem, when its really about the inherent toxicity of masculinity. People might also want to watch Gareth Southgates speech about boys and their lack of positive role models, which was on BBC yesterday.
Southgate makes the point that boys see status, defined mainly by money, as more important than character. They can't handle rejection, especially by women, because it undermines that sense of status.
Social media didnt create these feelings, they were around when I was growing up too, which was pre internet, but it does amplify them and thats the issue.
Also, men with low status and therefore also low self esteem, are retreating into an online world of gaming, gambling and porn, which is easier to deal with than the real world and this is where this ties in with what happened to our men.
Southgate makes the point that boys see status, defined mainly by money, as more important than character. They can't handle rejection, especially by women, because it undermines that sense of status.
Social media didnt create these feelings, they were around when I was growing up too, which was pre internet, but it does amplify them and thats the issue.
Also, men with low status and therefore also low self esteem, are retreating into an online world of gaming, gambling and porn, which is easier to deal with than the real world and this is where this ties in with what happened to our men.
Sorry - but I beg to differ and feel internet has very much opened the stable doors, laid open an horrific world that is easily available for our youngsters and vulnerable to become part of.
I think (some) footballers certainly hold no morals with their respect towards women - certainly not a role model!!!!!!
I have no doubt in my mind if my son had not become obsessed with being on line, beginning with gaming - he would not be where he is now......
I hate it and yes blame it 100%..... but that's just my personal opinion....
I think (some) footballers certainly hold no morals with their respect towards women - certainly not a role model!!!!!!
I have no doubt in my mind if my son had not become obsessed with being on line, beginning with gaming - he would not be where he is now......
I hate it and yes blame it 100%..... but that's just my personal opinion....
Hi, there was a poll done this week asking men aged 16-24 whether they had a positive view of A Tate. 48% said they did. 1% of females said they did. This is our young people's future. And it's terrifying.
smilethroughtears,
You don't need to apologise for disagreeing. X
You don't need to apologise for disagreeing. X
"Southgate makes the point that boys see status, defined mainly by money, as more important than character. They can't handle rejection, especially by women, because it undermines that sense of status. "
This contradicts itself. If it's about financial status mainly, why would rejection by a woman be an issue? It's probably me but I need help to understand. My brain is fried from Morphine so takes me a while to catch on.
This contradicts itself. If it's about financial status mainly, why would rejection by a woman be an issue? It's probably me but I need help to understand. My brain is fried from Morphine so takes me a while to catch on.
Gareth Southgate spoke about money as being the main source of status for men, although in Adolesence it is more about failure in relationships and in competitive sport. So yes, there is more to status than just money.
As for the internet, I didnt say it has no part to play at all. It amplifies the messages about men needing to be powerful, to have lots of money and to be in control in relationships. But it did not create those messages. They were already there before the internet existed.
For that reason, I do not think the problem will simply disappear if we ban smartphones or stop kids accessing social media, which is where this is going.
Mens need for status would just manifest itself in a different way. But as for whether men could commit offences such as searching for images or talking to children in chatrooms, if there was no internet at all, then its true to say that these specific behaviours were almost unheard of before the the internet appeared.
Those who wanted to find images could do so, but it was more difficult. Grooming kids was also much more difficult, but certainly not impossible.
As for the internet, I didnt say it has no part to play at all. It amplifies the messages about men needing to be powerful, to have lots of money and to be in control in relationships. But it did not create those messages. They were already there before the internet existed.
For that reason, I do not think the problem will simply disappear if we ban smartphones or stop kids accessing social media, which is where this is going.
Mens need for status would just manifest itself in a different way. But as for whether men could commit offences such as searching for images or talking to children in chatrooms, if there was no internet at all, then its true to say that these specific behaviours were almost unheard of before the the internet appeared.
Those who wanted to find images could do so, but it was more difficult. Grooming kids was also much more difficult, but certainly not impossible.
I just finished watching it and logged back in to this forum to see if anyone had felt the same way I did.
It has really triggered my PTSD, and I've advised my mum not to watch it.
I think what I found most challenging was the final episode of the family still trying to get by while still supporting their son/brother. My mum was distraught after the knock, I made sure she ate, I put her to bed and stayed with her until she fell asleep. We had a ritual of saying goodnight to my brother whilst he was in prison, we just said goodnight to the air. I feel like the show got the family picking up the pieces right, being heartbroken but carrying on. That's what we did, the only difference is, my brother didn't murder anyone and was 20 not 13.
I love my brother, more than I can ever express in words, I will never understand what he has done or why he has done it but despite that, he's my world.
I'm thankful he is back at home with us and his suspended sentence is over, he was sentenced 4 years ago on Saturday.
It has really triggered my PTSD, and I've advised my mum not to watch it.
I think what I found most challenging was the final episode of the family still trying to get by while still supporting their son/brother. My mum was distraught after the knock, I made sure she ate, I put her to bed and stayed with her until she fell asleep. We had a ritual of saying goodnight to my brother whilst he was in prison, we just said goodnight to the air. I feel like the show got the family picking up the pieces right, being heartbroken but carrying on. That's what we did, the only difference is, my brother didn't murder anyone and was 20 not 13.
I love my brother, more than I can ever express in words, I will never understand what he has done or why he has done it but despite that, he's my world.
I'm thankful he is back at home with us and his suspended sentence is over, he was sentenced 4 years ago on Saturday.
Ahhh bless you billion. I still haven't watched the drama, but read up on it.
Your comments bought a tear to my eye as I feel exactly the same towards my son. Our situation is not ideal but through it all I have stuck by him and am amazed his growth in character and confidence whilst facing his crime alone in prison.
oh and yes, I talk to him every day - even if it is to fresh air, in between phone calls!
You and your mum are doing so well, even though you might not feel it at the moment x
Your comments bought a tear to my eye as I feel exactly the same towards my son. Our situation is not ideal but through it all I have stuck by him and am amazed his growth in character and confidence whilst facing his crime alone in prison.
oh and yes, I talk to him every day - even if it is to fresh air, in between phone calls!
You and your mum are doing so well, even though you might not feel it at the moment x
smilethrough the tears, i haven't logged into the forum for a while because life has somewhat gone back to normal.
last night, i looked at my past posts and the message that stood out in all of them was how immense the power of love is. i know it sounds sappy and cringey, but i'm not a mother, i didn't understand before the knock what unconditional love meant. now i do. he has faults, of course he does, he's my little brother, but he made a chocolate tart yesterday which was delicious and as i've said before, i'd do it all again if i'd have to. he's my world.
i made a mistake with the drama, i shouldn't have watched it, and i don't think something like that will be made about our loved ones, their crime is still too taboo and "underground", no matter how much we know it's not.
spoiler for drama ahead:
despite the young boy being in prison in the drama, the family are able to laugh in between the heatbreak, they still love each other (though it's hard for some) and they still love their son/brother. there is a line in it at the very end that reminds me of my mum, like most i'm sure, she blamed, and still does, blame herself, she can't comprehend the son she brought up the same way as me has gone on to commit a crime. the parents in the drama discuss this and say "how did we make him?", the daughter comes in and brings the family together and makes them all smile, to which the dad asks his wife "how did we make her?" and the wife replies "the same way we made him". if my mum were to watch any part of this drama, it would be those lines, my brother and i were brought up in the same way by our mum, our paths just split as we got older, and i wish she knew none of it was her fault.
last night, i looked at my past posts and the message that stood out in all of them was how immense the power of love is. i know it sounds sappy and cringey, but i'm not a mother, i didn't understand before the knock what unconditional love meant. now i do. he has faults, of course he does, he's my little brother, but he made a chocolate tart yesterday which was delicious and as i've said before, i'd do it all again if i'd have to. he's my world.
i made a mistake with the drama, i shouldn't have watched it, and i don't think something like that will be made about our loved ones, their crime is still too taboo and "underground", no matter how much we know it's not.
spoiler for drama ahead:
despite the young boy being in prison in the drama, the family are able to laugh in between the heatbreak, they still love each other (though it's hard for some) and they still love their son/brother. there is a line in it at the very end that reminds me of my mum, like most i'm sure, she blamed, and still does, blame herself, she can't comprehend the son she brought up the same way as me has gone on to commit a crime. the parents in the drama discuss this and say "how did we make him?", the daughter comes in and brings the family together and makes them all smile, to which the dad asks his wife "how did we make her?" and the wife replies "the same way we made him". if my mum were to watch any part of this drama, it would be those lines, my brother and i were brought up in the same way by our mum, our paths just split as we got older, and i wish she knew none of it was her fault.