The worst time of my life
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Hi, am new here.
Partner arrested Jan for "distribution" of 3 images. Have come to understand that distribution can mean where images are backed up to storage. Believe they came through from telegram, unwanted in a group on there. Pretty common apparently.
Devices seized, and un an update the police advise they've found hundreds of images or videos (I'm not clear on which or if both) of deep fake AI p*... Some of which include my eldest daughters face (eldest not his, youngest his).
They told me not to tell him and that I was only being informed for safeguarding. They didn't change his bail conditions and told me not to tell him and that they wouldn't be telling his solicitors so they can't come up with excuses as to why" although I thought that was called a defence.
They ended up telling his solicitors they found the deep fakes, and he told me he'd been messing about with AI one night (which he often does, he's obsessed with ai and chat gpt, fascinated by it - he's autistic and I think technology has always been a sort of special interest) and put in a picture of some actress he liked to see if these bots that do the deep fakes were any good, whether it was believable and that it generated loads of stuff he had to remove. He told me this voluntarily - I didn't ask and I still didn't say anything about my daughter because I believe him.
Police called yesterday and asked if I wanted eldest named as a victim. I said no and discussed it with them. She said she didn't believe it would help anything, especially if I want to continue to keep it from her, which I do, but that she had to make the phone call and ask - crossing and dotting t's and i's.
We are still having supervised visits and I believe he has just been an idiot and done stupid sh* he shouldn't have. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong and although I will be heart broken, my children will and never have been at any risk with him since this all came to light.
Social services opened an investigation because I said I believed him to be innocent. I understood although I felt scared, and I did as they asked. They told me my edlest's father had to be informed so I asked for the opportunity to tell him first as it didn't feel right me not having that conversation with him, and he was very understanding. They wanted to visit me at home, I allowed them. They have met my parents, and seen work that my eldest does as she is home educated. They have decided against closing the investigation because they apparently don't believe I am safeguarding them properly and want to put them on a child in need plan which is apparently consensual but if I don't consent they can elevate it it a child protection plan which is the next step up. So it doesn't sound very consensual to me. They also had a lot of questions about my decision to home ed and what my eldest does to socialise and whether she goes to any clubs. I feel like they're accusing me of being a bad mother.
I am living in our house still and I hate every moment. I want to curl up and die most days. People keep telling me to seek support but I don't want support because every one seems to want me to believe he is some sort of monster. They all seem so focused on what he has done and changing my opinion of him. I'm hoping it will be a more understanding place here.
I truly believe he's just an idiot that did something idiotic and really f**d up. But despite that I am finding life so difficult to navigate right now and I wish I could be the sort of person who could just say f* this I'm done, it's too hard.
I just can't. He's an amazing father to our youngest and has always provided for my eldest and I over the 10 years we've been together. Before all this happened he had struggled with addictions and bad choices in that respect but had been working so hard to put that behind him and be a better person. And I mean SO HARD. Even his best friend told me he's never seen him exert so much control with his drinking and that he's never seen him so happy and clear in his mind. All of that hard work down the drain.
I just feel like I'm on the verge of walking away and the only thing stopping me is him to be honest. I wish he was a horrible person. I wish they'd found solid evidence that he had solicited these images or rather, nothing at all I suppose. I wish he didn't deserve my love and support. But I am all he has left. Me and the girls. I know that if it wasn't for us he probably wouldn't be here any more.
How the hell do we live like this?
Partner arrested Jan for "distribution" of 3 images. Have come to understand that distribution can mean where images are backed up to storage. Believe they came through from telegram, unwanted in a group on there. Pretty common apparently.
Devices seized, and un an update the police advise they've found hundreds of images or videos (I'm not clear on which or if both) of deep fake AI p*... Some of which include my eldest daughters face (eldest not his, youngest his).
They told me not to tell him and that I was only being informed for safeguarding. They didn't change his bail conditions and told me not to tell him and that they wouldn't be telling his solicitors so they can't come up with excuses as to why" although I thought that was called a defence.
They ended up telling his solicitors they found the deep fakes, and he told me he'd been messing about with AI one night (which he often does, he's obsessed with ai and chat gpt, fascinated by it - he's autistic and I think technology has always been a sort of special interest) and put in a picture of some actress he liked to see if these bots that do the deep fakes were any good, whether it was believable and that it generated loads of stuff he had to remove. He told me this voluntarily - I didn't ask and I still didn't say anything about my daughter because I believe him.
Police called yesterday and asked if I wanted eldest named as a victim. I said no and discussed it with them. She said she didn't believe it would help anything, especially if I want to continue to keep it from her, which I do, but that she had to make the phone call and ask - crossing and dotting t's and i's.
We are still having supervised visits and I believe he has just been an idiot and done stupid sh* he shouldn't have. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong and although I will be heart broken, my children will and never have been at any risk with him since this all came to light.
Social services opened an investigation because I said I believed him to be innocent. I understood although I felt scared, and I did as they asked. They told me my edlest's father had to be informed so I asked for the opportunity to tell him first as it didn't feel right me not having that conversation with him, and he was very understanding. They wanted to visit me at home, I allowed them. They have met my parents, and seen work that my eldest does as she is home educated. They have decided against closing the investigation because they apparently don't believe I am safeguarding them properly and want to put them on a child in need plan which is apparently consensual but if I don't consent they can elevate it it a child protection plan which is the next step up. So it doesn't sound very consensual to me. They also had a lot of questions about my decision to home ed and what my eldest does to socialise and whether she goes to any clubs. I feel like they're accusing me of being a bad mother.
I am living in our house still and I hate every moment. I want to curl up and die most days. People keep telling me to seek support but I don't want support because every one seems to want me to believe he is some sort of monster. They all seem so focused on what he has done and changing my opinion of him. I'm hoping it will be a more understanding place here.
I truly believe he's just an idiot that did something idiotic and really f**d up. But despite that I am finding life so difficult to navigate right now and I wish I could be the sort of person who could just say f* this I'm done, it's too hard.
I just can't. He's an amazing father to our youngest and has always provided for my eldest and I over the 10 years we've been together. Before all this happened he had struggled with addictions and bad choices in that respect but had been working so hard to put that behind him and be a better person. And I mean SO HARD. Even his best friend told me he's never seen him exert so much control with his drinking and that he's never seen him so happy and clear in his mind. All of that hard work down the drain.
I just feel like I'm on the verge of walking away and the only thing stopping me is him to be honest. I wish he was a horrible person. I wish they'd found solid evidence that he had solicited these images or rather, nothing at all I suppose. I wish he didn't deserve my love and support. But I am all he has left. Me and the girls. I know that if it wasn't for us he probably wouldn't be here any more.
How the hell do we live like this?
It sounds like the full forensics report isn't back yet? Generally once the police have it, they'll call him in for a second interview & will disclose to him / his solicitor a summary of what they've found, though they won't give the full forensics report. But one thing I've learnt in all this is that ppl really aren't necessarily who they seem. When the police turned up my ex OH denied soliciting IIOC but admitted to over a decade of online / offline secret legal sexual activity, plus significant secret credit card debt run up on cam girls. I would never have imagined any of it in a million years. We're now just post second interview & he seems to have been honest about what was there (one deleted small file he claims was unsolicited), but it's made me realise that you can never really know another person. I'm sorry! But if it isn't back I wouldn't assume anything either way. And if it is, I guess I wouldn't either. I think in your shoes I would weighing up if the man who put you in this awful position & was (in the best case scenario!) so horribly inappropriate re your daughter is worth years of intrusive SS involvement in your family life.
Hi
I'm only posting from a SS point of view. From my experience, once they have your clutches into you, they don't let go. Please work with as much as possible on the CIN plan. Yes it is voluntary but if you don't agree to it they will escalate to CPP and you have to attend a conference where everyone involved in your child will have to attend including the police.
While you are on a CIN plan- ask for a written CIN plan which outlines the concerns of the SW, what plans are being putting in place and what their expectations are of you.
As long as you are following it, it shouldn't escalate to CPP. If their concerns are too significant they might escalate anyway depending on the outcome of the investigation.
It is really important to work with them. They have made my life a misery and I'm putting that down to the fact that they never did a written CIN plan with me so they could purposely escalate to CPP.
I'm only posting from a SS point of view. From my experience, once they have your clutches into you, they don't let go. Please work with as much as possible on the CIN plan. Yes it is voluntary but if you don't agree to it they will escalate to CPP and you have to attend a conference where everyone involved in your child will have to attend including the police.
While you are on a CIN plan- ask for a written CIN plan which outlines the concerns of the SW, what plans are being putting in place and what their expectations are of you.
As long as you are following it, it shouldn't escalate to CPP. If their concerns are too significant they might escalate anyway depending on the outcome of the investigation.
It is really important to work with them. They have made my life a misery and I'm putting that down to the fact that they never did a written CIN plan with me so they could purposely escalate to CPP.
Hi, im sorry you find yourself here. I'm not sure what you mean exactly by "deep fake AI p* images" but my ex is due to be sentenced soon for making pseudo images, so not real images but they're treated the same by law.
You're in a really difficult position regarding SS's. They will be extremely concerned that your child is home educated, they always are. From what they told me the day after my ex was arrested, they start with the absolute worst case scenario - that you and he are running some sort of P ring and the fact that your child is at home and not seen daily by other professionals ie teachers, will be very concerning to them. They kind of work backwards from the their worst case scenario starting point by proving that it isn't the case. You're going to be in this for the long haul. It's a very long process and I would advise you to as much support as you can, maybe go and see your GP.
Your person might have been an idiot as you put it but look at what he's done to you. He would've known that what he was doing was illegal and therefore unacceptable. I know it's REALLY hard but you're going to need to show SS's that your priorities start and end with your children. You'll not get them off your case otherwise. I'm sorry if I sound harsh. I've been through all of this twice. I've had SS's on my back and everything that entails. I wish you all the very best. Lucy Faithful run a course called INFORM. It's a weekly zoom meeting with about 6 others in a similar position. It goes through all aspects following someone's arrest and all the processes including the legalities. I think it might be very useful for you. X
You're in a really difficult position regarding SS's. They will be extremely concerned that your child is home educated, they always are. From what they told me the day after my ex was arrested, they start with the absolute worst case scenario - that you and he are running some sort of P ring and the fact that your child is at home and not seen daily by other professionals ie teachers, will be very concerning to them. They kind of work backwards from the their worst case scenario starting point by proving that it isn't the case. You're going to be in this for the long haul. It's a very long process and I would advise you to as much support as you can, maybe go and see your GP.
Your person might have been an idiot as you put it but look at what he's done to you. He would've known that what he was doing was illegal and therefore unacceptable. I know it's REALLY hard but you're going to need to show SS's that your priorities start and end with your children. You'll not get them off your case otherwise. I'm sorry if I sound harsh. I've been through all of this twice. I've had SS's on my back and everything that entails. I wish you all the very best. Lucy Faithful run a course called INFORM. It's a weekly zoom meeting with about 6 others in a similar position. It goes through all aspects following someone's arrest and all the processes including the legalities. I think it might be very useful for you. X
If he is using your daughters face on images I would leave in a heartbeat. Sorry to be brutal x
Just wanted to add my support x
Many people would point me towards abandoning my son as his crime involved family members, but I couldnt face that choice.
Don't be swayed by others - it's your life and your relationships/family unit.
im sending you a hug x
Many people would point me towards abandoning my son as his crime involved family members, but I couldnt face that choice.
Don't be swayed by others - it's your life and your relationships/family unit.
im sending you a hug x