Feel so sick
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Hi. My son - 19- was initially arrested in Sept for images from some link on his laptop. He had to come to police last week and things are just awful. He is to go back again and is on bail but will be prosecuted. This is a horrendous shock. I feel sick to the core. How did this happen? He was brought up to do right. I cant breathe and keep crying. I have always been able to say how proud i am of him but i cant now. It is devastating.
Hi Lizzy
Sorry you have had to come to this forum under the circumstances.
I'm a mum that has also found myself in this situation. What I can say is that yes it's a major shock when it first happens, I felt like I wouldn't come through it but here I am and you will come through this too, he has made a very bad mistake but there are reasons why and it does not define him, you will get through this you are not alone, have you called the helpline, I did in the beginning and it helped to just call them and cry and let it out, do you have other support but I would advise be very careful who you tell as your son is so young and deserves a chance to move on from this when it's all done
take care if you want to connect on Mumsnet send me a pm under the same name i use here x
Sorry you have had to come to this forum under the circumstances.
I'm a mum that has also found myself in this situation. What I can say is that yes it's a major shock when it first happens, I felt like I wouldn't come through it but here I am and you will come through this too, he has made a very bad mistake but there are reasons why and it does not define him, you will get through this you are not alone, have you called the helpline, I did in the beginning and it helped to just call them and cry and let it out, do you have other support but I would advise be very careful who you tell as your son is so young and deserves a chance to move on from this when it's all done
take care if you want to connect on Mumsnet send me a pm under the same name i use here x
Lizzy, I am so sorry you are in this position. I am too and it's hell. However, the advice and support you get here is non judgemental and will help you see that you're not alone. Everyone is facing a slightly different issue but I've found that it's not so different. We all have to face that our loved one, who we've cherished, has a problem and deal with the aftermath. Society sees it as a terrible thing but research shows that it is an addiction. You can be there for your son to help him overcome this by educating and looking after yourself first and foremost then encouraging him to get help also. It's not going to be easy but I hope you find the strength from this forum, the helpline and some trusted support of your own if you can tell someone safely. Take it one day at a time and practise some sort of mindfulness to help with the overwhelming thoughts and feelings. Have you seen your GP? Sending much love x
Thank you both for your replies. I havent spoken to the stopitnow team as yet as they were closed when i was so distressed. I have called lifeline to chat but obvs no-one can rrally help. I have a wonderful partner. I cant work out how to ealk out the front door - go to work - chat to friends with this in my head and heart. Thank you already for replying to me.
Hi Lizzy,
To function day to day in the outside world you need to be able to compartmentalise. I do it through mindfulness. There are apps on line to help you learn how to stay in the moment rather than follow your thoughts, which inevitably lead to feelings of fear, panic and hopelessness if you let them. I find it very good to focus on the breath and now seem to do it automatically when panic kicks in. I still have moments and whole days when I feel awful but if I can stay in the present and complete some tasks around the house or for work I can keep these to a minimum. You'll be amazed at how good you become at putting on a face for the outside world. Stay strong xx
To function day to day in the outside world you need to be able to compartmentalise. I do it through mindfulness. There are apps on line to help you learn how to stay in the moment rather than follow your thoughts, which inevitably lead to feelings of fear, panic and hopelessness if you let them. I find it very good to focus on the breath and now seem to do it automatically when panic kicks in. I still have moments and whole days when I feel awful but if I can stay in the present and complete some tasks around the house or for work I can keep these to a minimum. You'll be amazed at how good you become at putting on a face for the outside world. Stay strong xx
Thank you Cynthia-Veronica. I guess it is still all so raw. I will look into trying mindfulness. Is it safe to inform the GP? X
As far as I know, GPs must keep what you tell them confidential. However, if you are worried you can tell her only as much as you feel comfortable with: your overwhelming symptoms caused by a family crisis, rather than full details of the situation that caused them. I hope this helps xx
Thank you that is good advice re GP.
I am seeing them on Thurs anyway but need to day i am under strain mentally but lets be honest its nit something accepted or understood.
Thank you again.
I am seeing them on Thurs anyway but need to day i am under strain mentally but lets be honest its nit something accepted or understood.
Thank you again.
Hi Lizzy - you say that your son was 'brought up right' and that you have always been proud of him. This offence does not define him - it is not all of your son - he is still the son you know and love and there are still parts of him that you can be proud of, although he has made a grave error in committing this crime and will need help and support to get through this (as will you). In my case, it was my husband who got addicted to internet porn and then went on to look at IIOC - he is so remorseful and struggling to understand why he found viewing these images so compulsive. I know and believe that he is basically a good man who would never dream on acting out his fantasies in real life. You both need non judgemental support. Have you anyone you can confide in?
It really will help to talk to someone via the helpline - keep redialling when they're open and you will get through - the folk on the other end are so knowledgeable and helpful.
It really will help to talk to someone via the helpline - keep redialling when they're open and you will get through - the folk on the other end are so knowledgeable and helpful.
BTW - Your GP is absolutely bound to keep whatever you tell him/her confidential. I used to work for the NHS and all staff must keep to the rules of confidentiality and have training to help abide by them.
Tutleymutley
Thank you for your helpful words. You are right about my son. Yes i love him - he knows this and i tell him everyday. I am not proyd of what he has done- nor is he . I do not understand why he did it either - nor does he he says. These medua sites and links are so dangerous. He was young but not ypung enough not to know better.
I guess it is such a shock that the son i thought i knrw had this hidden secret and such a uggy one. He is at uni now and police have advised to carry on as normal. He is bailed till the summer.
Thank you again and i am sorry you have been through it but this is helpful to me.
I will call them on monday as i think that when they open again.
I am grateful to you and all who are respobding to me. I had a dreafful panic attack today. You ladies have helped me get through today. X
Thank you for your helpful words. You are right about my son. Yes i love him - he knows this and i tell him everyday. I am not proyd of what he has done- nor is he . I do not understand why he did it either - nor does he he says. These medua sites and links are so dangerous. He was young but not ypung enough not to know better.
I guess it is such a shock that the son i thought i knrw had this hidden secret and such a uggy one. He is at uni now and police have advised to carry on as normal. He is bailed till the summer.
Thank you again and i am sorry you have been through it but this is helpful to me.
I will call them on monday as i think that when they open again.
I am grateful to you and all who are respobding to me. I had a dreafful panic attack today. You ladies have helped me get through today. X
Hi Lee 1969 - thank you for your message.
I do feel lonely as obvs this cant be duscussed outside but this forum has been so helpful to me today. Thank you.
I will look into that site.
The fact it is entitled the new drug seems to indicate the increasing commonality of this.
I am sooo angry that such sites exist. My son initially went to a chat thing as he felt lonely and was wuestioning his sexuality. He had been taught e-safety by me and school but sadly he went on and goodness knows who he was talking to. From this he was sent links. I am by no means excusing his actions but do feel these influential youngsters are at risk. I just dont know. Still trying to fathom it all out.
Well thank you again for enabling me to air my thouggts and fears and for your kindness x
You take care too. Xx
I do feel lonely as obvs this cant be duscussed outside but this forum has been so helpful to me today. Thank you.
I will look into that site.
The fact it is entitled the new drug seems to indicate the increasing commonality of this.
I am sooo angry that such sites exist. My son initially went to a chat thing as he felt lonely and was wuestioning his sexuality. He had been taught e-safety by me and school but sadly he went on and goodness knows who he was talking to. From this he was sent links. I am by no means excusing his actions but do feel these influential youngsters are at risk. I just dont know. Still trying to fathom it all out.
Well thank you again for enabling me to air my thouggts and fears and for your kindness x
You take care too. Xx
Hi Lizzy ,
My son was also 19 wen this happened, under exactly the same circumstances, questioning his sexuality , after he was arrested he told me he is gay which doesn't bother me at all , I feel for you and your son , it is awful I felt sick couldn't eat , I went to my gp and told her everything she was great and gave me some meds to calm me so I could at least function and get to work, please tell your son that although my son was charged and he lost his job , he is now studying again, so there is light at the end of the tunnel , I am on mumsnet if you want to message me , Rocknroll1965 take care xx
My son was also 19 wen this happened, under exactly the same circumstances, questioning his sexuality , after he was arrested he told me he is gay which doesn't bother me at all , I feel for you and your son , it is awful I felt sick couldn't eat , I went to my gp and told her everything she was great and gave me some meds to calm me so I could at least function and get to work, please tell your son that although my son was charged and he lost his job , he is now studying again, so there is light at the end of the tunnel , I am on mumsnet if you want to message me , Rocknroll1965 take care xx
Hi Noona
Thank you. Do you mind me asking what the charge involved? Etc.
I am nit on mums net. Is it a safe site?
Xx
Thank you. Do you mind me asking what the charge involved? Etc.
I am nit on mums net. Is it a safe site?
Xx
Hi Lee1969
I have joined mumsnet. Lizzy1971
Thank you
I have joined mumsnet. Lizzy1971
Thank you