Family and Friends Forum

I am so sad to read this I can feel the desperation in your post all I can say is take control of what you can control, focus on one thing at at time, the things that don't matter will slip down the pile and you will realise what you need to change in your life for your wellbeing

Hello Starr, I haven't posted on here before but have been reading posts since January when my son was arrested but not felt able to join until now. All the posts are relevant to how I feel but I have read several of yours and you describe 100% how I feel I wake up terrified every morning and can't face the thought of getting through another day. I want my old life back but that can't ever be. I. think we have a long wait until we know what my son is being charged with and the waiting is horrendous. My son suffers with anxiety depression and adhd and is struggling so much. He wants his life to end and has tried it once. I don't think I'm strong enough to get us through this and that's before anyone knows anything. What it will be like after terrifies me. The solicitor said because of his mental health they may be able hurry it up and part of me wants to do that but I can't face it coming any sooner. No one knows except one friend who has been amazing and my older son who has cut him out of his life and while he lives here with me he won't have anything to do with me either which has broken my heart. I can't abandon my son he can't cope on his own and I do believe what he did was out of stupidity and using drugs and getting involved in chat lines rather than he actually went looking for it but maybe I'm naive. Hes my son and I can't stop loving him. He's left his job he's not with his girlfriend anymore and has isolated himself so much. I'm so scared for him but angry because he had no thought for the consequences for his family. I read your post about looking forward to summer and light nights but wishing it was winter so you could hide in the dark. I've been thinking exactly that too. I love summer and being in my garden but I know I won't want to set foot outside the house once this is out. I've already stated shopping in different places so I don't run into people I know. I get out of every social occasion that I can and when I have to go it's so hard to do normal chat I just sit there thinking these friends I've had for years probably won't speak to me anymore. I want to run away but I also have an elderly mum who relies on me so am not going to be able to go anywhere. I can't believe I've been thrown into this awful dark world that I can't see an end to. I'm sorry my post is of no support to you but I feel for you and just wanted to say your posts have helped make me realise I am not the only person living in this hell. Take care.

Bless you - I can understand your desperation - it's horrible when a knock back brings you to your knees, especially when you felt improvement.

It's so bloody hard, but don't give up - seek help.... Many a time I had to force myself to make baby steps to get back into a sense of normality......

I promise it will get better xxxxxxx

I hear you and feel the same. It's taken me 8 years to get any sort of "help" from the NHS but even that's been problematic. I've had to cut my life right back in order to survive, and I mean right back. Have you considered getting some counselling through the helpline? X

Just want to say I am sorry your are feeling like this. The advice i have, is what i do. I do one or both of these things. firstly i acknowledge my feelings. I allow them for a period, as fighting them it too exhausting. But i give them a time limit. So when the time is up i then try and think of a solution to one problem. Go to your paint pot and put the top on properly, you can control that. Though you work for yourself is there any day that you can work a shorter day? Just one day. And give yourself time to breathe. Sometimes even if it an hour i may just sit in my car and just breathe and relax. Secondly and this is a solution i found while having panic attack. You can do this out loud or in your head, and sit where you want, or stand. I personally sat in the middle of my lounge and shouted STOP. I did this several times. It is a known solution as it is telling your brain that it needs to stop and just like any other solution your brain will then focus on something else. Like giving a child a different toy for example.

I hope you manage to breathe today and you will realise these feelings will lessen and you will cope

I have had a similar week and for once I did just say no more and took a couple of days off. It feels suffocating I know. Can you just take a couple of hours for yourself and just rest. You are probably exhausted I know I am. It's a double edged sword as when you rest too much time to think. You need to though or you will burn out.

Hello Starr

I am really sorry that you feel like this. I can liken our journeys to the game 'snakes and ladders, when we think we are doing ok and then something unexpected happens and we feel we are back at the beginning again.....

Are you having counselling or being supported in someway ? If not, maybe it is something that you may consider.

If you can do something nice for you today, no matter how small.

Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry. I feel very similarly. I'm 31 days in. And it's like a never ending illness and weird limbo.

Hi Starr, this journey is just so so tough but I want you to know we hear you and are here for you.

The others have made some great suggestions so I'm simply going to say please keep reaching out and let one of us know if there's anything we can do to help you feel just that little bit better.