Family and Friends Forum

So I'm 31 days in.

I knew the relationship was over the moment he stood up and confessed to the police when they came to search the house. Apart from confessing to crimes against children online, this was the straw that broke the camels back in terms of his sexual dysfunction, impulsivity, cheating and lying.

I had no idea. 15 years of my life and trust just taken in an instant and plunged me and my entire family into a nightmare.

I thought saving images and chatting online to underage people as well as sending photos of himself was bad enough. I'd just gotten round to accepting that this was a reality, he confessed after all and I know he's guilty.

Last week though my ten year old daughter was interviewed by police due to them finding photographs of her area on his phone, he had been taking photos of her asleep. No evidence to suggest he touched or harmed her, and police, SS and my self are all satisfied that she is thankfully unaware of this happening. They said they aren't recent.

I had messaged him the day prior to the interview purely to let him know incase he needed to let solicitors know. I haven't heard from him since. I spent a full week panicking and picturing everything under the sun, panic attacks at Facebook memory photos of them together wondering did he do this then or was she even younger.

Now that it appears that the case may be referred back again from CEOP I don't know what's going to happen. Given that he's now guilty of manufacturing I suspect he may likely be given a prison sentence due to a previous conviction.

I just don't know how to move my daughter on from this. I'm trying my best but now I'm living alone and I'm scared, lonely and trying not to become too depressed and she's getting a little withdrawn. I can no longer cling to how I hoped she may be happier if we both fight to get her some kind of contract with him even if on the phone, because he will not be allowed now due to the risk he poses her. Because these men never stop. I spent 15yrs thinking his prn addiction and adult compulsions would stop and had stopped, and it led me to this horrific end.

Due to what he's done and how sickened I feel by him and terrified that I loved and lived with a monster so long with no clue, I am so scared of my reaction if I did see him. I'm scared to go to my local shops and shopping centre. I have only done only shopping for four weeks. I look out for him constantly on the school run even though its minutes away.

I'm so hurt and angry that he was in touch most days and after finding out what I have found out that he did to our child, he is too much of a coward to face me. I also don't want him to and yet its taking all of my strength not to contact him and tell him exactly what I think of him and this complete lie of a life that he sold me when all I ever was to him was honest.