Family and Friends Forum

From my experience it depends if SS are involved, if they are, they see it as a negative if you stand by your person as it looks like you are supporting what they did. Even my solicitor told me this. We haven't told any family or friends what my OH did (apart from him mum). He got a non-custodial sentance and is on probabtion until September as we just want to put the whole thing behind us. His offence happended in August 2023 (online communication with an adult (police decoy) and no images involved). SS are still dragging it out which is why I have got a solicitor involved.

OH was arrested a year ago. I was told not allowed home and didn't really think of staying together because of the children. I didn't want social services in their lives and didn't even consider staying together as police and SS seemed to put a stop to that straight away (like it wasn't even an option)

one year down the line I think I'm glad I didn't stay and can be happy with my kids and not having agencies involved and they got quickly used to supervisied visits and the new norm x

I have stood by my OH during the investigation and court process. It's not been easy but I was determined to not give up after being together for 28 years. I did tell him right at the start that I couldn't guarantee how I would feel 6 months down the line but it's been 9 months so far and we are trying to build a future. Everyone is different but we don't have children to think about so it's just the two of us and our little dog.

I stood by my husband. We had a young child when he was arrested and due to bail conditions he had to live separately, but I worked with SS from the start and ensured he had as much access to our child as he wanted whilst being supervised by me, my parents, my sibling or his parents (the only people we have ever told). SS then closed based on that safety plan.

Following sentencing SS got back involved and we made clear we wanted him to move home and have unsupervised contact. After about 4 months of a child in need plan and doing various courses and having some assessment, this was achieved with the support of mosovo, probation, nursery, health visitor and SS. We now have a pretty normal family life.

It's important that your person is thoroughly honest throughout, and it's also important when working with SS you acknowledge the potential risks and look at how this can be managed safely.

It depends entirely on if you genuinely believe him and if you think it's worth all of the horror and stress either way.

Only you can know that.

I've seen people on here stand by their person and be adamant they are innocent, I've seen some who never speak to or see them again.

I was with mine for 15 years and in my mind he killed the relationship the moment HE chose to commit these crimes and take explicit photographs of our daughter asleep.

I didn't have a choice to make it was made for me and in a way I'm very glad about that.

I'm going to do whatever is best for kiddo of course but apart from that I'm not remotely interested in speaking to him ever again.

I excused his porn addiction and sexual dysfunction for years and believed he changed every time yet he was only getting worse and I jag no idea. There's no coming back from some things.

Only you can know your relationship and in your heart whether you truly believe in him or not.

My person was arrested a year ago. He has been on bail since then. He stayed away from the home for 5 months but had supervised visits with out children (daughter is additional support needs). After those 5 months he was told to move home because the bail conditions stated he stays at our address.



The first SW told us to keep him away from staying at home, that we would never be a family ever again etc. didn't care about any safety plan etc

The new SW was happy for him to stay with us, as it was on his conditions. Safety plan is in place etc. He has his preliminary hearing at sheriff court on Tuesday, then it's 4 weeks before the next date so they can do background checks



I have people telling me to leave him and others telling me to stay. At the moment I'm still with him but if he has lied about what's happened then I'm gone. If he has told the truth this whole time then I'm staying

The only advice I can give is that if you have children at home then it is a lot more challenging especially if social services are involved and if you choose to stay with your person. I found it very stressful, very disruptive to my child and it affected my mental health very negatively at a time that was already very difficult.

My child has settled into a new normal and is much less clingy and has their confidence back now they're not being disrupted bymeetings appointments etc.


Some people may have a really good experience with social services but for me, my marriage couldnt survive the added strain of their involvement as well as the fact that information about my persons offending was drip fed to me and got worse each time. You have to do what it right for you...and that's different for everyone.

be kind to yourself and don't rush any decisions.