I never thought I would post
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Being an introvert, I never thought I would post on a forum. I don't post on social media or use online chat. I only tend to text message people I know. But yesterday my life was turned on its head and I am so lost I am desperately advice and reassurance from those I know will understand what I am going through.
The knock came on the 30th November 2023. It came out of nowhere for me, but having been with my husband since 1999 I wanted to listen to him and understand. Since that day we have had a lot of open conversations. Both he and I have come to understand how he ended up where he got to. He emphasised his he had tried to quit so many times but kept on falling back in to old habits even though it made him hate himself.
Once we was arrested it was like a flood gate opened and he became completely honest, even though it resulted in being detrimental to his job. A sad lesson we learned early was that it isnt rewarded to be open and honest do you can seek help as it is used against you, by the police, his employer, even support agencies. Despite this fact he was determined to use the arrest to turn his behaviour around.
We paid for him to go the Lucy faithful course straight away which he did in January-February 2024. They were so impressed with his level of engagement they asked him to come back to speak. He did all the coursework associated (2 binders worth) and stayed committed, even when his older sister who we were both very close to died of cancer in March 2034 and he had to take over care for his abusive alcoholic dad who was diagnosed with terminal cancer in April 2024.
When he got charged by post in October 2024 after being released under investigation 5 months earlier, it came as a shock. At that point we threw all of our savings at getting him a specialist solicitor. They told us to fight the charges as they duplicated themselves and weren't backed up by evidence, but we couldn't afford to do that so he had to plead guilty to 5 charges.
we then focussed on mitigations, paying for a Lucy faithful risk assessment, psychologist assessment for ASD and risk, and weekly counselling from a sex psychotherapist. When Lucy faithful told him during assessment he needed to stop porn, he did it and then signed up to Sex Addicted Anonymous.
Our barrister said he had never seen so much dedicated commitment to rehabilitation, which he also said to the judge. It appears though that the system doesn't care about rehabilitation, only about being seen to punish. So despite the damage it would do you me (I have agrophobia, ASD and anxiety), our son (who has ASD and anxiety and is sitting GCSEs from May) and his father who my husband cares for and will die soon; they gave him the maximum penalty they could do that mitigation would not bring his sentence below the 2 year mark.
So yesterday, Monday 24th March 2025, my best friend and partner who I have spent almost all my adult life with was sent to prison, 44 months to serve 22.
I am completely broken and don't understand. The whole sentencing case focus on the victim and the incident, using information that mostly came from her mums statement (6 months after the offence was reported by the school). It didn't seem to matter that everything was presumed or inferred and that there was no solid evidence. It didn't matter that he was remorseful, desperate for help and trying to become well. All they cared about was how things looked.
I know the world is broken, and the public sector is a mess (I have worked in local government for over 20 years), but when will they realise that you have to take real action to make a difference to stop these things happen. Treat the cause not the symptom, help people before they are caught, help children who are acting like adults (and being facilitated to do so) to be educated.
The sad reality is that nobody is benefitting from my husband going to prison, including the victim who had probably gone on to repeat the same mistake with someone else on social media as she indicated to my husband he wasn't the first older man.
I don't know what I am trying to get from my post or if this is me just throwing my frustration into the ether. I just feel like people who truly are the kind of person that needs prison (lie, show no remorse, will be devious enough to cover there tracks) get away with it or get a sentence that is the same as someone who genuinely is remorseful and law abiding and just needs help.
I feel let down by the whole process to date which gives me little hope for what's to come for him, myself and our son.
He is in a category B prison right now. Fortunately he forced the prison to call me last light to let me know as my barrister shot off leaving no information. No idea if they is where he will stay or if he will be moved. Does the prison look at his risk recommendations and that he is no imminent threat of reoffending (as the judge didn't seem to).
Any insight or advice appreciated as I try to keep my mind off waiting to be able to hear from him.
The knock came on the 30th November 2023. It came out of nowhere for me, but having been with my husband since 1999 I wanted to listen to him and understand. Since that day we have had a lot of open conversations. Both he and I have come to understand how he ended up where he got to. He emphasised his he had tried to quit so many times but kept on falling back in to old habits even though it made him hate himself.
Once we was arrested it was like a flood gate opened and he became completely honest, even though it resulted in being detrimental to his job. A sad lesson we learned early was that it isnt rewarded to be open and honest do you can seek help as it is used against you, by the police, his employer, even support agencies. Despite this fact he was determined to use the arrest to turn his behaviour around.
We paid for him to go the Lucy faithful course straight away which he did in January-February 2024. They were so impressed with his level of engagement they asked him to come back to speak. He did all the coursework associated (2 binders worth) and stayed committed, even when his older sister who we were both very close to died of cancer in March 2034 and he had to take over care for his abusive alcoholic dad who was diagnosed with terminal cancer in April 2024.
When he got charged by post in October 2024 after being released under investigation 5 months earlier, it came as a shock. At that point we threw all of our savings at getting him a specialist solicitor. They told us to fight the charges as they duplicated themselves and weren't backed up by evidence, but we couldn't afford to do that so he had to plead guilty to 5 charges.
we then focussed on mitigations, paying for a Lucy faithful risk assessment, psychologist assessment for ASD and risk, and weekly counselling from a sex psychotherapist. When Lucy faithful told him during assessment he needed to stop porn, he did it and then signed up to Sex Addicted Anonymous.
Our barrister said he had never seen so much dedicated commitment to rehabilitation, which he also said to the judge. It appears though that the system doesn't care about rehabilitation, only about being seen to punish. So despite the damage it would do you me (I have agrophobia, ASD and anxiety), our son (who has ASD and anxiety and is sitting GCSEs from May) and his father who my husband cares for and will die soon; they gave him the maximum penalty they could do that mitigation would not bring his sentence below the 2 year mark.
So yesterday, Monday 24th March 2025, my best friend and partner who I have spent almost all my adult life with was sent to prison, 44 months to serve 22.
I am completely broken and don't understand. The whole sentencing case focus on the victim and the incident, using information that mostly came from her mums statement (6 months after the offence was reported by the school). It didn't seem to matter that everything was presumed or inferred and that there was no solid evidence. It didn't matter that he was remorseful, desperate for help and trying to become well. All they cared about was how things looked.
I know the world is broken, and the public sector is a mess (I have worked in local government for over 20 years), but when will they realise that you have to take real action to make a difference to stop these things happen. Treat the cause not the symptom, help people before they are caught, help children who are acting like adults (and being facilitated to do so) to be educated.
The sad reality is that nobody is benefitting from my husband going to prison, including the victim who had probably gone on to repeat the same mistake with someone else on social media as she indicated to my husband he wasn't the first older man.
I don't know what I am trying to get from my post or if this is me just throwing my frustration into the ether. I just feel like people who truly are the kind of person that needs prison (lie, show no remorse, will be devious enough to cover there tracks) get away with it or get a sentence that is the same as someone who genuinely is remorseful and law abiding and just needs help.
I feel let down by the whole process to date which gives me little hope for what's to come for him, myself and our son.
He is in a category B prison right now. Fortunately he forced the prison to call me last light to let me know as my barrister shot off leaving no information. No idea if they is where he will stay or if he will be moved. Does the prison look at his risk recommendations and that he is no imminent threat of reoffending (as the judge didn't seem to).
Any insight or advice appreciated as I try to keep my mind off waiting to be able to hear from him.
Just to add, the conviction was for a conversation in Snapchat. The girl said she was 13 almost 14 but it turned out she was 12. You would think with sentencing being so severe below 13 the law would take that into account but they don't. The fact that Snapchat doesn't need real names of an email address so in effect means there is no way to verify anything about the person you are talking to and therefore cannot allow you to make an informed choice appears to not be something they recognise in law. With children acting more grown up than they are and the creation of tweenager (10-12 year olds) they need to recognise the inherent risk of these platforms and either ban them completely or put more accountability onto parents who don't know there children are signing up to these high risk apps. As a parent of a teenager, I take my responsibility regarding allowing my son to sign up to platforms he is not old enough for. Until the law deals with the modern world, offenders and victims will be set up to fail.
Just wanted to say, that I totally get you.
Unrelated to my being here re OH, we had a family member accused of talking with & meeting underage girls.
The family member was 20, autistic high functioning. They were in conversation with a girl who had a fake age on social media. When he met her, he still thought she was 18, not 15. She was always in normal clothes & no mention of school. The mother of the girl had put a post on social media, the police got involved, but decided it was 50/50, as the mother was as bad as the daughter, with not monitoring her on social media, not sending her to school. She was lying & then claiming our family member was doing things he shouldn't have.
Another incident later happened, again with a girl pretending to be of an age on social media, met in person during the day, so family member never suspected the girl should've been in school. He believed her to be 18. But the police this time seized family member's phone & investigated. Family member lost their job by mutual consent.
There seems little repercussions, for those girls pretending to be older, preying on vulnerable adults.
Unrelated to my being here re OH, we had a family member accused of talking with & meeting underage girls.
The family member was 20, autistic high functioning. They were in conversation with a girl who had a fake age on social media. When he met her, he still thought she was 18, not 15. She was always in normal clothes & no mention of school. The mother of the girl had put a post on social media, the police got involved, but decided it was 50/50, as the mother was as bad as the daughter, with not monitoring her on social media, not sending her to school. She was lying & then claiming our family member was doing things he shouldn't have.
Another incident later happened, again with a girl pretending to be of an age on social media, met in person during the day, so family member never suspected the girl should've been in school. He believed her to be 18. But the police this time seized family member's phone & investigated. Family member lost their job by mutual consent.
There seems little repercussions, for those girls pretending to be older, preying on vulnerable adults.
Hello 230425broken
I am so sorry that you find yourself here, after reading your story I truly feel for you, your husband and your son. I am sending you lots of strength and caring thoughts to you all.
Just a thought? Have you spoken with the solicitor at all since court? It seems to me that your husband had a significant number of mitigating factors and it seems extremely cruel that the judge did not take them into account when sentencing. Are there any grounds to appeal at all?
You have come to the right place for support and well done for posting. I, also, have never engaged in social media at all, so I know the courage it takes to take the step to post on here. This forum is very supportive so I really hope you feel that you are not alone and we are here for you.
I hope you hear from your husband soon.
I am so sorry that you find yourself here, after reading your story I truly feel for you, your husband and your son. I am sending you lots of strength and caring thoughts to you all.
Just a thought? Have you spoken with the solicitor at all since court? It seems to me that your husband had a significant number of mitigating factors and it seems extremely cruel that the judge did not take them into account when sentencing. Are there any grounds to appeal at all?
You have come to the right place for support and well done for posting. I, also, have never engaged in social media at all, so I know the courage it takes to take the step to post on here. This forum is very supportive so I really hope you feel that you are not alone and we are here for you.
I hope you hear from your husband soon.
Solicitors have not been responding. Not much different than before sentencing. They have proven to be completely useless and not worth the £10k that wiped out our savings. The judge said mitigations brought it down to 66 months. She didn't take ASD to have much impact even with the psychologist saying it was an underlying cause. Her belief was that because he managed to work his way up to a good job despite his upbringing he is high functioning enough to be culpable, which shows a complete lack of understanding of what ASD is for high functioning adults and that they (we) are very good at masking in public.
I am really worried about him in Prison. He puts off a confident air, but is really sensitive. He isn't what you would call a man's man, but because he is 6'6" people don't realise how unconfrontational and emotional he is. I hate that I can't talk to him. Waiting for that first phone call is debilitating me. Unfortunately with him in prison I know lingering have anyone to advocate for me as he was my major emotional support.
FYI although we are both ASD it affects us in very different ways so we relied on each other to fill the gaps the other one lacked.
I am really worried about him in Prison. He puts off a confident air, but is really sensitive. He isn't what you would call a man's man, but because he is 6'6" people don't realise how unconfrontational and emotional he is. I hate that I can't talk to him. Waiting for that first phone call is debilitating me. Unfortunately with him in prison I know lingering have anyone to advocate for me as he was my major emotional support.
FYI although we are both ASD it affects us in very different ways so we relied on each other to fill the gaps the other one lacked.
Hello 240325broken
It saddens me that the judge truly did not have a good understanding of Autism at all, how it affects everyone differently and the struggles they can have even if to the outside world they appear not to, they can be experts at 'masking' as you rightly say.
I am also saddened that your solicitor does not have the courtesy and professionalism to contact you.
You could speak to the Prison Reform Trust charity to see if they can help or assist you in anyway to help you make contact with your husband, just a thought.
Other forum members do have loved ones in prison, so hopefully they will post with suggestions soon and tips on how to navigate with these early days and prison contact.
Thinking of you.
It saddens me that the judge truly did not have a good understanding of Autism at all, how it affects everyone differently and the struggles they can have even if to the outside world they appear not to, they can be experts at 'masking' as you rightly say.
I am also saddened that your solicitor does not have the courtesy and professionalism to contact you.
You could speak to the Prison Reform Trust charity to see if they can help or assist you in anyway to help you make contact with your husband, just a thought.
Other forum members do have loved ones in prison, so hopefully they will post with suggestions soon and tips on how to navigate with these early days and prison contact.
Thinking of you.
Hello 240325broken
I’m sorry to hear about your OH sentence and the lack of support you have been getting from your solicitor.
Don’t think that all of the hard work that your partner has put into trying to address his offending has been wasted, a reduction in sentence of nearly two years I think shows that the judge has seriously taken this into account, though I’m sure you would both of preferred that it was given more weight.
With regards to your questions about his stay in prison, he will currently be being held in the local Cat B that is attached to the crown court he was sentenced at, given he is serving a long sentence it is unlikely he will stay here very long though as the local Cat B prisons need to keep a constant flow of spaces to take newly sentences inmates.
All new arrivals are assigned Cat B status initially but during the first week or two his security status (Cat A-D) will be reviewed and this will be altered depended on the risk assessment, his security status is based on his likelihood of escaping, the risk he would pose to the public if he did escape and the risk he poses to prison staff and other inmates. Most inmates will either remain at Cat B or be downgraded to Cat C. The prison service can then look to move him out to either a Cat B or C training prison, these units could be sex offenders only establishments such as HMP Whatton.
His risk of reoffending will not be considered when deciding his security status, but it will be assessed during his time inside as part of his meetings with the prisons probation officers whilst they draw up his sentence plan.
I’m sorry to hear about your OH sentence and the lack of support you have been getting from your solicitor.
Don’t think that all of the hard work that your partner has put into trying to address his offending has been wasted, a reduction in sentence of nearly two years I think shows that the judge has seriously taken this into account, though I’m sure you would both of preferred that it was given more weight.
With regards to your questions about his stay in prison, he will currently be being held in the local Cat B that is attached to the crown court he was sentenced at, given he is serving a long sentence it is unlikely he will stay here very long though as the local Cat B prisons need to keep a constant flow of spaces to take newly sentences inmates.
All new arrivals are assigned Cat B status initially but during the first week or two his security status (Cat A-D) will be reviewed and this will be altered depended on the risk assessment, his security status is based on his likelihood of escaping, the risk he would pose to the public if he did escape and the risk he poses to prison staff and other inmates. Most inmates will either remain at Cat B or be downgraded to Cat C. The prison service can then look to move him out to either a Cat B or C training prison, these units could be sex offenders only establishments such as HMP Whatton.
His risk of reoffending will not be considered when deciding his security status, but it will be assessed during his time inside as part of his meetings with the prisons probation officers whilst they draw up his sentence plan.
Thank you for the information. Although he was given 44 months I was under the impression he would only serve half of that which is 22 months. I thought that wasn't classed as a long sentence?
There is a cat c training prison near us but it is privately run. They are also recognised as one set up to deal with sex offenders. Not many spaces though. I guess we are lucky that being in the midlands we are probably equal distance from most places.
The not knowing and waiting it awful. I struggle with the unknown in normal circumstances due to my ASD so being helpless to do anything to find out how he is is breaking me down. Trying to stay strong for our son though and focus on supporting him through GCSEs, especially as the school isn't doing what they are supposed to to support his ASD requirements. It is the first time ever I truly feel that society isn't set up for neuro diverse families regardless of the training work provided and EDI commitments organisations spout, it is all lip service.
There is a cat c training prison near us but it is privately run. They are also recognised as one set up to deal with sex offenders. Not many spaces though. I guess we are lucky that being in the midlands we are probably equal distance from most places.
The not knowing and waiting it awful. I struggle with the unknown in normal circumstances due to my ASD so being helpless to do anything to find out how he is is breaking me down. Trying to stay strong for our son though and focus on supporting him through GCSEs, especially as the school isn't doing what they are supposed to to support his ASD requirements. It is the first time ever I truly feel that society isn't set up for neuro diverse families regardless of the training work provided and EDI commitments organisations spout, it is all lip service.
When I said long sentence I meant one longer than would typically be served in a Cat B local, you are correct that even a 44 month sentence is not classed as a long sentence as I believe the prison service define this as anything over four years. You only tend to stay at a local prison if you are serving a very short sentence, like a few weeks (what’s known in prison lingo as a shit and shave sentence).
Where he is moved to once security risk assessment is done is impossible to say, in theory he should be housed somewhere near to his local area though this relies on spaces being available at nearby training prisons, if they need his bed he will get shipped out to the first available space.
Where he is moved to once security risk assessment is done is impossible to say, in theory he should be housed somewhere near to his local area though this relies on spaces being available at nearby training prisons, if they need his bed he will get shipped out to the first available space.
Thank you for clarifying. Any idea how long it takes for him to be able to call me. I thought with my details checked yesterday lunchtime it might not be too much longer as he took in a decent amount of money to cover initial costs.
Also, do you know how true it is that all public owned prisons have in-cell phones now. They claimed last year they had nearly finished installing in all 93 England/wales prisons, but there is no list of which prisons have it.
Also, do you know how true it is that all public owned prisons have in-cell phones now. They claimed last year they had nearly finished installing in all 93 England/wales prisons, but there is no list of which prisons have it.
Approving his phone contact list and getting his phone PIN sorted should be be done within the first week. I'm affraid I dont know about all prisons having in cell phones yet, the privatly run Cat C I go into reguarly doesnt.
Should probably clarify I'm going into prision reguarly in a professional capacity and not as an unwilling patron LOL.
Should probably clarify I'm going into prision reguarly in a professional capacity and not as an unwilling patron LOL.
Hi I couldn't read and not comment, this happened to my ex partner father to my two children, it was an online chat he had with a 14 year old and found a handful of indecent images on his devices he was sent to prison which even the officer in charge was shocked about as it was a first offence and I don't understand the reasoning behind the prison sentence as I feel the judge did not think of his family in all this he had been working for the two year prior to sentencing also and was contributing to society he plead guilty admitted to what he had done. Unsure if it's just some judges are very harsh on this offence and like to punish with prison. In prison he has done nothing to rehabilitate to do with the offfence he will be due to get out soon and has just recently been moved to a cat d which is a lot better as he is seen as low risk. I still feel angry at the decision as I don't understand how it would help in any way. Your partner will eventually settle into prison life as my ex was terrified of going to prison but he says it's not as bad as he expected it to be. If you need to chat I'm just an inbox away.
Thank Ginluver, and everyone else for your replies.
Just when I thought I was having a stronger day I get a financial penalty letter from the court for my husband. I had to call them to say he wasn't here and they said to ignore the letter as his account had been put on hold but couldn't tell me what it was for.
i am just so frustrated. Shouldn't there be a pack for family members explaining what to expect. This is an extreme form of cruelty just leaving me in the dark. I am just so glad I have this forum to find stuff out as nobody here (police, solicitor, prison) is telling me anything.
Still just praying he is ok as I still haven't heard from him.
Has it been the same for others?
Just when I thought I was having a stronger day I get a financial penalty letter from the court for my husband. I had to call them to say he wasn't here and they said to ignore the letter as his account had been put on hold but couldn't tell me what it was for.
i am just so frustrated. Shouldn't there be a pack for family members explaining what to expect. This is an extreme form of cruelty just leaving me in the dark. I am just so glad I have this forum to find stuff out as nobody here (police, solicitor, prison) is telling me anything.
Still just praying he is ok as I still haven't heard from him.
Has it been the same for others?
Its shocking that there is no information provided to families on how to navigate things after someone is taken down. I haven't had to deal with it personally as my partners prison sentence (2007) occurred before I met him, I only found out about it recently because of the new allegations.
I might suggest two organisations that may be able to provide you with support and advice, these are;
Prison Reform Trust
Unlock.org
Another great source of information I found whilst coming to terms with the knowledge that me had spent time inside was a blog called PrisonUK. The author started the blog shortly after his release and its a very honest no holes barred look at life behind the door. I will warn anyone who checks it out though that he does touch on some very sensitive topics and as such it could be quite triggering.
I might suggest two organisations that may be able to provide you with support and advice, these are;
Prison Reform Trust
Unlock.org
Another great source of information I found whilst coming to terms with the knowledge that me had spent time inside was a blog called PrisonUK. The author started the blog shortly after his release and its a very honest no holes barred look at life behind the door. I will warn anyone who checks it out though that he does touch on some very sensitive topics and as such it could be quite triggering.
240325broken,
Hi, my ex was remanded on the day of the knock. The shock was horrific. He was my carer. I was plunged into the Benefit system, I was threatened with eviction, all our electronics were seized which I never got any back and I lost all my family photos and then, it went across social media and the press.
The last time my young son saw his beloved Dad was when he was marched away by several Police officers. After that, my 12 year old was not allowed any access whatsoever with his Dad. No visits, no phonecall and no letters. Nothing. It was as devastating as the original issue. When I visited my ex in prison, the visiting hall was full of young children, but not mine. Mine had to sit at home and suffer. For 18 months they had no contact with him whatsoever. The damage that caused will last a lifetime. My ex has never abused anyone in person, his crimes were all online. We don't get told anything. I didn't know where they'd sent him. When I finally located him, they moved him a few weeks later to another prison. I wasn't informed. I found out when I tried to book a visit and the computer said, "no". We are every bit a victim in all this.
Sending my ex to prison was pointless. There's no rehabilitation, no courses, no counselling, no nothing. So he's reoffended. However, I firmly believe that punishment is necessary. My ex knew what he was doing and he still chose to do it. I can't bear the thought of those poor little innocent children and all their suffering. Prison doesn't rehabilitate but it does punish. And don't get me started on how we are treated as visitors to prisons.
Hi, my ex was remanded on the day of the knock. The shock was horrific. He was my carer. I was plunged into the Benefit system, I was threatened with eviction, all our electronics were seized which I never got any back and I lost all my family photos and then, it went across social media and the press.
The last time my young son saw his beloved Dad was when he was marched away by several Police officers. After that, my 12 year old was not allowed any access whatsoever with his Dad. No visits, no phonecall and no letters. Nothing. It was as devastating as the original issue. When I visited my ex in prison, the visiting hall was full of young children, but not mine. Mine had to sit at home and suffer. For 18 months they had no contact with him whatsoever. The damage that caused will last a lifetime. My ex has never abused anyone in person, his crimes were all online. We don't get told anything. I didn't know where they'd sent him. When I finally located him, they moved him a few weeks later to another prison. I wasn't informed. I found out when I tried to book a visit and the computer said, "no". We are every bit a victim in all this.
Sending my ex to prison was pointless. There's no rehabilitation, no courses, no counselling, no nothing. So he's reoffended. However, I firmly believe that punishment is necessary. My ex knew what he was doing and he still chose to do it. I can't bear the thought of those poor little innocent children and all their suffering. Prison doesn't rehabilitate but it does punish. And don't get me started on how we are treated as visitors to prisons.
This might be of use -
https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/
https://www.sussexprisonersfamilies.org.uk/
https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/
https://www.sussexprisonersfamilies.org.uk/
Hi this is my first post too. Although I've been reading through the posts since we had the knock for my son in Nov 23. This forum has given us tremendous support.
I felt the need to comment because my son was sentenced to 4 years 3 weeks ago tomorrow. We have been told by his solicitor he will serve 40 or 50% of this time. We are still waiting to find out which.
He too is in a Midlands prison and i just wanted to reach out to you to help in any way I can about the first few weeks and what will happen as we are a little further down the line than you are x
He went with all our telephone numbers but they got lost! Luckily he remembered the home number. They do not call or do much at weekends. He went in on the Friday and we got a call Tuesday morning and could speak to him by Tuesday night. He has a phone in his pad and can call us any time as long as he has credit. I could then give him all the other numbers which took another few days to process.... we are still waiting on a visit that's another story !
Last week his case hit the police fb page and the news. Our world fell apart again... but I've put my big girl pants on and held my head up high and carried on. If my son can be strong so can we. I've come off fb. Ignored the keyboard warriors and had lots of support from neighbours and friends. Although I'm not sure he'll get the same reception. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
If you want to private message me please feel free. It'll be nice to chat to someone who's in a very similar situation xx
I felt the need to comment because my son was sentenced to 4 years 3 weeks ago tomorrow. We have been told by his solicitor he will serve 40 or 50% of this time. We are still waiting to find out which.
He too is in a Midlands prison and i just wanted to reach out to you to help in any way I can about the first few weeks and what will happen as we are a little further down the line than you are x
He went with all our telephone numbers but they got lost! Luckily he remembered the home number. They do not call or do much at weekends. He went in on the Friday and we got a call Tuesday morning and could speak to him by Tuesday night. He has a phone in his pad and can call us any time as long as he has credit. I could then give him all the other numbers which took another few days to process.... we are still waiting on a visit that's another story !
Last week his case hit the police fb page and the news. Our world fell apart again... but I've put my big girl pants on and held my head up high and carried on. If my son can be strong so can we. I've come off fb. Ignored the keyboard warriors and had lots of support from neighbours and friends. Although I'm not sure he'll get the same reception. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
If you want to private message me please feel free. It'll be nice to chat to someone who's in a very similar situation xx
Just to add, the financial penalty will most likely be the government surcharge it's a set amount. It should say surcharge in the middle of the letter I paid one for my son then got another. But they couldn't speak to me because of data protection lol... His solicitor called and emailed the court and it appears the second one was an error. There should only be one !!
Thank you all for your responses. I thought I would let you know I have heard from my husband. It is such a relief to know he is ok. It gives me hope that we can work out a plan to get through this together.
There is a huge amount of info on the inside time website as well.
https://insidetime.org/faqs/
https://insidetime.org/faqs/
Thank you for your response HonHart10.
The whole thing is bewildering. I finally got a call from my husband yesterday. It wasn't gif very long as they only put £3 on his phone credit, and he wanted to save done to be able to call me again Saturday as he knows it will be a hard day for both of us bring the first year anniversary of his sisters death.
I am really praying it doesn't hit the news. There was a sexual case going to trial in the adjacent court room on the same day as the case straight after his also appeared to be a sexual offence, so hopefully his case will be overlooked. I pray so for our sons sake.
Speaking of our son, that had been hard. My husband is not allowed to see or talk to him until social services gives the go ahead. He is 16 and my husband SHPO only applies to under 16 girls, plus social services have already discharged us once this year as not being a concern. Our son is taking it in his stride but it is really upsetting for his dad. Especially as the confiscated his few photos due to problems of people smuggling in drugs through being soaked into paper.
My husband has been told he has to serve 50% of his sentence in prison and 50% under license though he is hoping hood behaviour means closer to the time they might be willing to release him earlier on tag. It seems the rules are different for sex offenders regarding early release, so not figuring on it too much.
Hope all is well with your son and you get to visit him soon. I will put a request in to visit my husband as soon as my mums details are approved do she can come with me as agrophobia prevents me going on my own.
Thank you to others who have posted useful links x
The whole thing is bewildering. I finally got a call from my husband yesterday. It wasn't gif very long as they only put £3 on his phone credit, and he wanted to save done to be able to call me again Saturday as he knows it will be a hard day for both of us bring the first year anniversary of his sisters death.
I am really praying it doesn't hit the news. There was a sexual case going to trial in the adjacent court room on the same day as the case straight after his also appeared to be a sexual offence, so hopefully his case will be overlooked. I pray so for our sons sake.
Speaking of our son, that had been hard. My husband is not allowed to see or talk to him until social services gives the go ahead. He is 16 and my husband SHPO only applies to under 16 girls, plus social services have already discharged us once this year as not being a concern. Our son is taking it in his stride but it is really upsetting for his dad. Especially as the confiscated his few photos due to problems of people smuggling in drugs through being soaked into paper.
My husband has been told he has to serve 50% of his sentence in prison and 50% under license though he is hoping hood behaviour means closer to the time they might be willing to release him earlier on tag. It seems the rules are different for sex offenders regarding early release, so not figuring on it too much.
Hope all is well with your son and you get to visit him soon. I will put a request in to visit my husband as soon as my mums details are approved do she can come with me as agrophobia prevents me going on my own.
Thank you to others who have posted useful links x
I'm so pleased you got to speak to him. It's actually a relief isn't it ?
We have finally been approved for visiting and I've managed to book to see him on Thursday, which I'm really looking forward to and can't wait to see him in person. He's also requested a parcel of clothing which we can drop off at the same time.
You can send money into your other half so he can add it to his phone credit. You'll just need his prison number. My son manages to call me or a family member everyday even if it's for 10 minutes but sometimes he's called for an hour. Obv landlines are alot cheaper than calling mobiles.
It was our solicitor who said it could be 40 % so we are praying on that. He has a meeting next Thursday morning with what I think is like an internal probation officer and we are assuming he'll get a release date then. Fingers crossed any way.
We have finally been approved for visiting and I've managed to book to see him on Thursday, which I'm really looking forward to and can't wait to see him in person. He's also requested a parcel of clothing which we can drop off at the same time.
You can send money into your other half so he can add it to his phone credit. You'll just need his prison number. My son manages to call me or a family member everyday even if it's for 10 minutes but sometimes he's called for an hour. Obv landlines are alot cheaper than calling mobiles.
It was our solicitor who said it could be 40 % so we are praying on that. He has a meeting next Thursday morning with what I think is like an internal probation officer and we are assuming he'll get a release date then. Fingers crossed any way.