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Hello. If anyone can give me some information that would be great. My husband recently got arrested for speaking to a minor online. No pictures no downloads no arrangement to contact. It's all very brand new we've only
Just started this journey. But I just wondered. Are you even able to stay with your OH after this if you want to ? We have 2 children together under 10. Is it possible because I keep reading things about social workers needing to be involved until they are 18 and that he might not even ever be allowed back in the house and if I decided to stay with him will they take my kids away from me. Which obviously I'm not going to stay with him if that's the case. I'm frightened and new and just want a bit of clarity
Just started this journey. But I just wondered. Are you even able to stay with your OH after this if you want to ? We have 2 children together under 10. Is it possible because I keep reading things about social workers needing to be involved until they are 18 and that he might not even ever be allowed back in the house and if I decided to stay with him will they take my kids away from me. Which obviously I'm not going to stay with him if that's the case. I'm frightened and new and just want a bit of clarity
So sorry that you have found yourself here.
As you have already acknowledged, you are at the very early days of this journey but what I would say is, of course you can say with your OH if that is what you want to do. You don't need to decide now anyway. It may not be easy, there may be days when you hate and love him in equal measure for putting you through this and there may be days that you regret staying together but plenty of people do and plenty of people make it work and go on to live happy lives. There are others who don't. Everyone is different. You have also mentioned social services and yes they may be involved depending on the ages of your children and the offences but from what I understand, if you work with social services there is no reason to think they will take your children away. It isn't in anyone's interest to do so.
By the nature of this forum, there will always be painful stories shared. Unless you are backed into a corner to make decisions now, then just take each day as it comes. There is no right or wrong xx
As you have already acknowledged, you are at the very early days of this journey but what I would say is, of course you can say with your OH if that is what you want to do. You don't need to decide now anyway. It may not be easy, there may be days when you hate and love him in equal measure for putting you through this and there may be days that you regret staying together but plenty of people do and plenty of people make it work and go on to live happy lives. There are others who don't. Everyone is different. You have also mentioned social services and yes they may be involved depending on the ages of your children and the offences but from what I understand, if you work with social services there is no reason to think they will take your children away. It isn't in anyone's interest to do so.
By the nature of this forum, there will always be painful stories shared. Unless you are backed into a corner to make decisions now, then just take each day as it comes. There is no right or wrong xx
Thank you so much for your reply. I can totally understood what you're saying because I already feel like this now. I know it's going to be a long journey. I keep taking one day at a time then panicking and wanting to know the unknowns so I can start thinking about decisions I need to make. I'm probably just seeing the worst things and empathising those parts and getting worked up. But I don't want to start thinking of staying with him and then social services basically not allow it and not let him live back in our home. It feels like wasted thoughts and emotions to go through.
Hi lovely, I'm sending you some massive hugs your way.
This road isn't easy, far from it, but take one day at a time and you will get there, I promise, ( this comes from someone who's just done sentencing so onto the next steps ) just remember to be kind to your self.
As for staying with your person yes you can. No social services won't be involved until their 18, I have 5 children with my person, ranging from nearly 16 to nearly 6, and I've worked with them throughout this journey. But our social worker wants to close the case on us, there is safety plans in place that we have to follow. We are just waiting on them speaking to my person's offending manager. Both OM and SS are happy for us to do our own thing as long as it's within the safety plan including my person moving home. I hope this gives you a little hope.
Sending lots of warm hugs and love from one mama to another.
Xx
This road isn't easy, far from it, but take one day at a time and you will get there, I promise, ( this comes from someone who's just done sentencing so onto the next steps ) just remember to be kind to your self.
As for staying with your person yes you can. No social services won't be involved until their 18, I have 5 children with my person, ranging from nearly 16 to nearly 6, and I've worked with them throughout this journey. But our social worker wants to close the case on us, there is safety plans in place that we have to follow. We are just waiting on them speaking to my person's offending manager. Both OM and SS are happy for us to do our own thing as long as it's within the safety plan including my person moving home. I hope this gives you a little hope.
Sending lots of warm hugs and love from one mama to another.
Xx
Although we have no kids at home my husband did the same as yours (idiots!)
I can only speak from my own experience. My husband has shown nothing but remorse for his actions, brought about by ill health, depression & anxiety. He maintains he didn't know the age and thought it was an over 18.
Early days for you I know, but I signed up to do the Inform course to give me a better insight into this type of offending and how our men get to this stage.
My husband did the Safer Lives course but there is also Inform Plus - this is a paid for course but well worth it in my opinion. My husband now knows how he got to that stage and has strategies in place to prevent it happening again. They also get ongoing support.
I decided early on to remain with, and support my husband on this journey. He has told me a lot and we have talked about our relationship, his anxieties. It's a work in progress but we are managing pretty well
However he does know that if he has not been truthful with me, or if more comes out at trial then I have the right to change my mind and leave him. We will cross that bridge if we get there.
Obviously if Social Services insist he leaves the family home you will need to navigate that - there are plenty of ladies on here in the same situation, who can advise and support you.
Don't be afraid to reach out on this forum, or with the helpline.
And be prepared for a total emotional rollercoaster. You are stronger than you might think xxx
I can only speak from my own experience. My husband has shown nothing but remorse for his actions, brought about by ill health, depression & anxiety. He maintains he didn't know the age and thought it was an over 18.
Early days for you I know, but I signed up to do the Inform course to give me a better insight into this type of offending and how our men get to this stage.
My husband did the Safer Lives course but there is also Inform Plus - this is a paid for course but well worth it in my opinion. My husband now knows how he got to that stage and has strategies in place to prevent it happening again. They also get ongoing support.
I decided early on to remain with, and support my husband on this journey. He has told me a lot and we have talked about our relationship, his anxieties. It's a work in progress but we are managing pretty well
However he does know that if he has not been truthful with me, or if more comes out at trial then I have the right to change my mind and leave him. We will cross that bridge if we get there.
Obviously if Social Services insist he leaves the family home you will need to navigate that - there are plenty of ladies on here in the same situation, who can advise and support you.
Don't be afraid to reach out on this forum, or with the helpline.
And be prepared for a total emotional rollercoaster. You are stronger than you might think xxx
Hi and so sorry that you have joined us here. Just wanted to say that on one of my first calls to the LFF helpline they told me that half of marriages/relationships survive this, or rather half of couples decide to stay and rebuild. That gave me a lot of hope and courage in the early days. My children are young adults so we haven't had SS involvement but there are so many stories on here of relationships that manage to get through this.
Sending you a big hug xx
Sending you a big hug xx
I'm so sorry you join us x
I'm a year into this journey and remain married, and plan to continue. As long as he is honest and working to understand why and ensure he never goes down this path again, that is all I can ask for. We can't chage the past (unfortunately as much as we would love to) and can't predict the future. Every case is different.
It is human nature to catastophise, and my heart goes out to all the families who are having such a tough time with social services.
However, we don't know what will happen. And you will find a way to deal with it when it does. It is amazing what you deal with.
Although my OH is being investigated for different offences than yours, social services shut our case 6 months ago. It is hard (understatement!) with their involvement, but you will find strength to carry on if you really want to keep your family together. And if you decide it's time to call it a day, that's fine too.
I don't know if they will be back in our lives if charges and sentencing happens, but for nkw we continue in our slightly different but functioning family unit which is still filled with love for each other
But you don't need to make any decisions, and most importantly it is YOUR decision to make; whatever advice and pressure others put on you.
Feel free to message if you want x
I wish you all and your family all the best as you move forward xxx
I'm a year into this journey and remain married, and plan to continue. As long as he is honest and working to understand why and ensure he never goes down this path again, that is all I can ask for. We can't chage the past (unfortunately as much as we would love to) and can't predict the future. Every case is different.
It is human nature to catastophise, and my heart goes out to all the families who are having such a tough time with social services.
However, we don't know what will happen. And you will find a way to deal with it when it does. It is amazing what you deal with.
Although my OH is being investigated for different offences than yours, social services shut our case 6 months ago. It is hard (understatement!) with their involvement, but you will find strength to carry on if you really want to keep your family together. And if you decide it's time to call it a day, that's fine too.
I don't know if they will be back in our lives if charges and sentencing happens, but for nkw we continue in our slightly different but functioning family unit which is still filled with love for each other
But you don't need to make any decisions, and most importantly it is YOUR decision to make; whatever advice and pressure others put on you.
Feel free to message if you want x
I wish you all and your family all the best as you move forward xxx
Thank you so so much for everyone's replies. It's really helped me. It's so very difficult discovering this new world I never even knew existed at this extent. How much of an issue these things have become. My OH believes his actions all stem from addiction and spiralling a bit into a fantasy fake world. But in real life it's not him at all. He's remorseful, disgraced and suffering badly at the moment from what he's done. Im finding I'm supporting him through that whilst learning to be alone. Which I've never been good at never mind raising 2 little kids alone. There's so much to think and feel and little time to understand how I feel as a woman and a wife. I really appreciate being surrounded by caring people on here such as yourselves. It's what gives me hope. Thank you again for your advice. I can breath a little better tonight
Yes. But be prepared for social services involvement and the risk that be will reoffend. I feel I must bring these things to your attention. Also, if convicted, there's the probability that the case will go across social media and the press. I wish you the very best.
We are 9 months into this journey now and remain married. I can only hope that he will never do it again and is always honest. I'm sure you will get days full of different emotions just as I and so many others on here do. Only YOU will know what to do and what path to take. We are all in this together and here to help in any way we can. Sending big love and hugs xx