Family and Friends Forum

Oh 3littlebirds I'm so sorry to read this and can only imagine how totally lost you must feel. I don't have experience of the prison system so can't offer you any support in that but I do want you to know I'm here for you if ever you want to chat.

Hello 3littlebirds,

I am sorry that your son didn't get the sentence he was expecting. I hope he can make the most of the time and take some relief knowing he is past sentencing. My husband is incarcerated in Canada, and he has been safe and keeping busy.

My son is also serving a sentence. It is so scary & unknown,but it does sadly become normal.

Firstly get their prison ID number,this is the start for all communication.

They are likely to be placed on a Vulnerable Person wing.

They will be issued with prison clothes.

Please pm me if you have any other questions. You will get through this.

It is horrible in the beginning - I always say it's just like a bereavement, I use to cry endlessly and walk round amongst my sons belongings, but as EPB says it becomes part of the routine.

Once you get communication in place you will find your mind will settle and so will he. Please read my earlier post.

Bless x

I'm so sorry. I (along with many others here) totally understand how you feel. My son had a prison sentence last year...

You get into a routine with it and there definitely a form of "gallows humour" that goes with the territory... we actually found we got our son back, rather than the secretive person he'd become...

Keep talking, we're here to hold your hand (even those of us who pop in and out and lurk more than post...)

Oh Devastated your post caught me in the feels! You've got your son back <3

Yes - that comment grabbed me too (Devastated Mum) - I think I'm closer to my son now than I've been for years. Bye bye secret life - now we 'talk'.

Hi

my son was sentenced last October to 2 years. One year custodial and one on licence . He also received a positive PCR to be managed in the community and had good reports from his Stopso councillor who also recommended a community sentence. The judge disregarded all if this and called him the P word. I was devastated and didn't think my son would cope as he is Autistic. However he has settled in well is doing courses and generally is coping much better than I ever imagined. He calls once a week now,it was much more frequent in the early days. So I know he is generally feeling positive. Once he was settled in his permanent prison and could call whenever he wanted it was much easier to cope with. The early days are especially difficult but he will be ok. If you need anyone to talk to feel free to pm me.



hugs x

Sadly it seems with a lot of sentances the pre sentance report is recommending community service etc. ours was the same. Yet he is in prison now for 11 months plus 11 months on licence

I'm really wondering what the actual point of the PSR is? People who've spent 2 hours on a one to one with the person - have gone through absolutely everything with them about the offence and cross referenced this with their risk tools etc. I know what happens because I was in with my OH when he had his! To only be disregarded by judges feels like a smack in the face to the probation team. However I have had a PO tell me that they can't can't actually reccomebd a custodial, so it always falls in to community order - not sure how right that is, all seems a tad bonkers to me! X

So glad to hear you have heard from him and this has eased your concerns a little, primark isn't as cheap is it used to be for sure

Hi all new here,

Soo sorry to hear your stories of your sons being locked up every mothers worst nightmare as if this journey isn't hard enough!

I am also on this journey with my son only 2 months in and feels like a lifetime. I am dreading when it comes to this bit although I just want it done with!

My son as had to move out which is hard cus he's never been away from home now all a sudden on his own I am dreading if he does get sent down he's got a good job which took him ages to get now just got a flat of his own which will loose I know he should of thought about this! .

Please can I ask what the charges was at sentencing? Did you have your own solicitor?

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Did you tell people?

Did media publish?



Sorry for all questions x

Hi Absolutely Heartbroken, your name sums up perfectly how I felt when my son was arrested and I'm sorry you've found yourself joining us on here.

In answer to your questions, my son pleaded guilty to 3 charges related to sexual communication, he was sentenced and received a 2 year suspended sentence, 10 year SOR and 10 year SHPO. He employed a solicitor from a local firm once he'd received the charges. He contacted the firm of solicitors after his arrest but they told him to come back to them if and when he was charged.

I told my family (Mum and siblings) and a small number of close friends. I wouldn't have been been able to keep something that was having such a huge impact on our lives a secret from my family.

The case was published twice after both magistrates court and sentencing. I chose to come off of social media prior to the court hearing and have never read the report or any of the comments made. I do know that the headline was awful and that the report was very one sided but the media were very soon on to their next person and my son was then old news. In some ways I think it's actually easier once it's out in the media as there are no more secrets to keep and no fear of it eventually coming out. It's out there and the people who want to remain in your life do so knowing the truth.

I hope that answers your questions but do keep reaching out for support.

Believe me it's a heavy burden keeping secrets from loved ones. But in my case circumstances have forced me to do just that.