Media yesterday …..
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Well here I am, gone the full circle of this awful journey. Media coverage yesterday. I've not got out of bed all day, can't eat, feel like if I could be sick, that would help. Chest feels cold with anxiety. A few amazing friends checking in, but nothing from family, nothing! Parents heartbroken, sister in law texting me asking what my plan is and how she's angry/hurt I wasn't honest with her (even though I was) - same with my other best friend who wants to support me, but that it 'doesn't sound very good.' Everyone making their judgements based on a second rate news reporter and not trusting ME!
OH had to contact probation today as his friend asked him to leave the room he's been renting for him. Likely he'll have to resign this week. The future looks very bleak at the moment.
The irony of all this is the judge gave a suspended sentence so he could keep his home and job - if it hadnt made the local rag, that would have been a possibility. It's cruelty beyond words. How is this a rehabilitative sentence!!!!!????
Details in the paper are horrific, his friends have turned on him, my family and friends bar one have done the same.
I don't know which way to turn. If anyone has any advice post media in the early days I'm all ears xxx
OH had to contact probation today as his friend asked him to leave the room he's been renting for him. Likely he'll have to resign this week. The future looks very bleak at the moment.
The irony of all this is the judge gave a suspended sentence so he could keep his home and job - if it hadnt made the local rag, that would have been a possibility. It's cruelty beyond words. How is this a rehabilitative sentence!!!!!????
Details in the paper are horrific, his friends have turned on him, my family and friends bar one have done the same.
I don't know which way to turn. If anyone has any advice post media in the early days I'm all ears xxx
Oh Eye, I'm so sorry.
The really really painful part of media coverage is that they never add mitigation and they almost always sensationalise the outcome and leave it open for comments from the general public, who undoubtedly will have very strong opinions and often throw about language and terms which are vitriolic and which we often do not associate with our loved ones.
Unfortunately once it is out...you can't stop it being picked up by other media platforms.
I was physically sick when I read about my partner, and the fact they posted his photo and address made it so much worse. In his case it made national online press as well as vigilante social media accounts. I understand completely that crushing feeling in your chest.
My only advice during these early days is delete/deactivate all social media and try not to Google. People will make their minds up regardless and those people who matter, will not simply believe what they read.
It WILL become old news and slowly, it will no longer appear on top searches and eventually, hopefully, it will disappear entirely. If not, I believe you can request for it to be removed from search engines once sentence is spent.
The really really painful part of media coverage is that they never add mitigation and they almost always sensationalise the outcome and leave it open for comments from the general public, who undoubtedly will have very strong opinions and often throw about language and terms which are vitriolic and which we often do not associate with our loved ones.
Unfortunately once it is out...you can't stop it being picked up by other media platforms.
I was physically sick when I read about my partner, and the fact they posted his photo and address made it so much worse. In his case it made national online press as well as vigilante social media accounts. I understand completely that crushing feeling in your chest.
My only advice during these early days is delete/deactivate all social media and try not to Google. People will make their minds up regardless and those people who matter, will not simply believe what they read.
It WILL become old news and slowly, it will no longer appear on top searches and eventually, hopefully, it will disappear entirely. If not, I believe you can request for it to be removed from search engines once sentence is spent.
Thank you lovely, thank you for taking the time to reach out. You're right, I need to ride the storm and take each day. Xxx
I know riding the storm sounds easy enough to do but it actually incredibly difficult in practice!
Sometimes when I'm walking around our village and people look at me I feel like THEY KNOW or I feel like I have it written on my forehead. I'm incredibly paranoid 2 months on, but the reality is that most people are keyboard warriors in the moment but wouldn't remember faces or details 'in real life'.
As for those who know you and your person, they may very well be trying to distance themselves to avoid 'guilty by association' and they will want to be seen to be making a stand as to not condone what has happened because it's such a polarising topic. Unfortunately we just have to let people do what they need to do, and we need to do what we need to do.
If staying in bed helps you for now, then do it... But don't let that take over. This too, shall pass xxx
Sometimes when I'm walking around our village and people look at me I feel like THEY KNOW or I feel like I have it written on my forehead. I'm incredibly paranoid 2 months on, but the reality is that most people are keyboard warriors in the moment but wouldn't remember faces or details 'in real life'.
As for those who know you and your person, they may very well be trying to distance themselves to avoid 'guilty by association' and they will want to be seen to be making a stand as to not condone what has happened because it's such a polarising topic. Unfortunately we just have to let people do what they need to do, and we need to do what we need to do.
If staying in bed helps you for now, then do it... But don't let that take over. This too, shall pass xxx
Eye x
So sorry and sending huge fluffy hugs x
The media is awful :-(
Yet we pick ourselves up yet again x
People will automatically want to reach out good or bad
People will not contact you good or bad
Family are probably shocked and need time to adjust
Yet in all.of the above no one walks in your shoes, no one has been on your journey so they have no idea how difficult this is
The most important person is you
Today's news is tomorrows chip paper as they say, but it dam well bloody hurts, the media doesn't care for those affected
Those who care will be by your side those that dont do not deserve your time x
You will get through this I promise
As hard as it is look how far you have come xx
So sorry and sending huge fluffy hugs x
The media is awful :-(
Yet we pick ourselves up yet again x
People will automatically want to reach out good or bad
People will not contact you good or bad
Family are probably shocked and need time to adjust
Yet in all.of the above no one walks in your shoes, no one has been on your journey so they have no idea how difficult this is
The most important person is you
Today's news is tomorrows chip paper as they say, but it dam well bloody hurts, the media doesn't care for those affected
Those who care will be by your side those that dont do not deserve your time x
You will get through this I promise
As hard as it is look how far you have come xx
I'm so sorry to hear this. My sons conviction went public just over two weeks ago. We came off social media and to be fair alot of people we know have reached out to us to offer us support.... but there's only the odd person who asks about his well being which is more upsetting.
At first I couldn't leave the house. But I've started thinking that it's others that have the problem which has really helped. I still can't face the local shops and travel a little further for my weekly shop just in the hope I don't bump into some random person who thinks they know what's what from reading the awful things published online. I know all my neighbours know but most don't have the bottle to mention it and we just do the usual weather chit chat which is fine by me!
It does get easier. Try and go on a few walks, get some fresh air and hold your head up high. Walking definitely gives me time to think.
Take care xx
At first I couldn't leave the house. But I've started thinking that it's others that have the problem which has really helped. I still can't face the local shops and travel a little further for my weekly shop just in the hope I don't bump into some random person who thinks they know what's what from reading the awful things published online. I know all my neighbours know but most don't have the bottle to mention it and we just do the usual weather chit chat which is fine by me!
It does get easier. Try and go on a few walks, get some fresh air and hold your head up high. Walking definitely gives me time to think.
Take care xx
I'm so sorry Eye that you're going through this, I remember those early days of media exposure only too well.
My son felt he'd never be able to leave the house again. His therapist told him to think of his recovery as a ladder and together they set a challenge for the first rung of the ladder which involved him leaving the house. Initially he would wait for it to get dark and then take a quick walk around the block. The next step was to drive to a shop and step into it. Once he was able to achieve this and feel comfortable with it he moved on to the next step which was to enter a shop and walk around in it.
The one positive thing I can remember thinking is that we no longer have to carry this secret now that everyone knows. The media headline called my son a 'P' and presented a very one sided story. We waited a while and then chose to tell the people we cared about the true version of the story.
I know how much you'll be hurting, it really is like a massive punch in the stomach. My son lost everything, his job, marriage, home, family life and friends, but in time life starts to settle down again. You won't always feel like this and life will soon start to feel that little but better.
My son felt he'd never be able to leave the house again. His therapist told him to think of his recovery as a ladder and together they set a challenge for the first rung of the ladder which involved him leaving the house. Initially he would wait for it to get dark and then take a quick walk around the block. The next step was to drive to a shop and step into it. Once he was able to achieve this and feel comfortable with it he moved on to the next step which was to enter a shop and walk around in it.
The one positive thing I can remember thinking is that we no longer have to carry this secret now that everyone knows. The media headline called my son a 'P' and presented a very one sided story. We waited a while and then chose to tell the people we cared about the true version of the story.
I know how much you'll be hurting, it really is like a massive punch in the stomach. My son lost everything, his job, marriage, home, family life and friends, but in time life starts to settle down again. You won't always feel like this and life will soon start to feel that little but better.
Hello Eye,
I couldn't scroll past your post and not offer you some hope and support. We too had horrendous media coverage twice, once at the plea hearing and then again at sentencing so we got the double whammy. On both occasions the case was spread across two pages and a massive photograph of my husband published. We had both come off all social media but my husband had forgotten an old Linked In account where the press had a field day using information from that to gratify their need to create harm and disruption. I know it's an unwritten rule to NOT say "I know how you feel" but believe me I and many others on here have felt the same emotions, fear, upset, sadness, rejection, anger etc etc.
I can say for sure I have walked in similar shoes to yourself, 50% of my family turned their backs on us both however that had since changed and things have improved significantly with the exception of my brother and his family. My husband lost all of his lifelong friends, not one bothered to check if the details were correct or if either of us was okay. We got the nosy parkers pretending to be concerned but only really wanting to know if I was staying or going. I did not possess the capacity to worry about other people's indulgent thoughts on what I should and should not do and those individuals were told to keep away or shut up. Thinking back I believe I did the right thing by staying. I also believe I did the right thing following the press release by us both keeping a very very low profile. We didn't go out anywhere even to the shops, I had food delivered or my sister shopped for us. I know people were concerned for me and my mental health (I did end up on strong antidepressants and having CBT) but we were both fully supported by our GP who was exceptional in signposting us to services and ringing 2-3 times a week to see if we were both okay. My therapist said to me often just remember you have no control on others but you can control what you do or say yourself. Those early days are terrible and unpredictable but try and stay focused on just yourselves and what you need to do, don't allow others to influence any decisions, if you allow others to influence you then you may regret that in the future. Take your time and don't rush, everything has to be thought out with thorough planning. You may have an urgency to find a home and occupation for your OH, put all your energies into that now as that has to be a priority for him. This phase will pass and you will learn to live a new and maybe different life, things do get better, it's very hard to see at the moment (I never believed it).
I am hoping you are okay today, I know I was totally numb for a week or so afterwards before I could even start to process what had happened. Keep those you can trust close and hurtful as it is do not worry about the rest. A lady who no longer posts on here once wrote "those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind", I keep this mantra with me always. Look after yourself and feel free to message if you wish, I really do feel for you, this will eventually go away but it's too raw for you to think that far ahead atm. Take care Eye, we are all here to support you.
Love Katie xxx
I couldn't scroll past your post and not offer you some hope and support. We too had horrendous media coverage twice, once at the plea hearing and then again at sentencing so we got the double whammy. On both occasions the case was spread across two pages and a massive photograph of my husband published. We had both come off all social media but my husband had forgotten an old Linked In account where the press had a field day using information from that to gratify their need to create harm and disruption. I know it's an unwritten rule to NOT say "I know how you feel" but believe me I and many others on here have felt the same emotions, fear, upset, sadness, rejection, anger etc etc.
I can say for sure I have walked in similar shoes to yourself, 50% of my family turned their backs on us both however that had since changed and things have improved significantly with the exception of my brother and his family. My husband lost all of his lifelong friends, not one bothered to check if the details were correct or if either of us was okay. We got the nosy parkers pretending to be concerned but only really wanting to know if I was staying or going. I did not possess the capacity to worry about other people's indulgent thoughts on what I should and should not do and those individuals were told to keep away or shut up. Thinking back I believe I did the right thing by staying. I also believe I did the right thing following the press release by us both keeping a very very low profile. We didn't go out anywhere even to the shops, I had food delivered or my sister shopped for us. I know people were concerned for me and my mental health (I did end up on strong antidepressants and having CBT) but we were both fully supported by our GP who was exceptional in signposting us to services and ringing 2-3 times a week to see if we were both okay. My therapist said to me often just remember you have no control on others but you can control what you do or say yourself. Those early days are terrible and unpredictable but try and stay focused on just yourselves and what you need to do, don't allow others to influence any decisions, if you allow others to influence you then you may regret that in the future. Take your time and don't rush, everything has to be thought out with thorough planning. You may have an urgency to find a home and occupation for your OH, put all your energies into that now as that has to be a priority for him. This phase will pass and you will learn to live a new and maybe different life, things do get better, it's very hard to see at the moment (I never believed it).
I am hoping you are okay today, I know I was totally numb for a week or so afterwards before I could even start to process what had happened. Keep those you can trust close and hurtful as it is do not worry about the rest. A lady who no longer posts on here once wrote "those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind", I keep this mantra with me always. Look after yourself and feel free to message if you wish, I really do feel for you, this will eventually go away but it's too raw for you to think that far ahead atm. Take care Eye, we are all here to support you.
Love Katie xxx
Hi Katie
Can I ask what your husbands charges were that seems so brutal that you had double page spread this is my absolute worse nightmare. Mainly for our three children who do not deserve any of this :(.
Can I ask what your husbands charges were that seems so brutal that you had double page spread this is my absolute worse nightmare. Mainly for our three children who do not deserve any of this :(.
Todays been slightly better, at least I've managed a shower! My friend came round who had only read the article and knew nothing before hand. She left saying she would 'set the story straight' with our group of friends next week. What an angel. It's exhausting though talking about it over and over again, so hard. But I don't mind putting the effort in when people are willing to listen.
The tradesman I had coming in next week has just messaged to say he's heard the disturbing news about my partner and won't commit to work for someone who turns a blind eye to these things. Block, delete chat, dust off hands! X
The tradesman I had coming in next week has just messaged to say he's heard the disturbing news about my partner and won't commit to work for someone who turns a blind eye to these things. Block, delete chat, dust off hands! X
How petty minded of the tradesman / when he enters a property he has no idea of the secrets it holds. If he rejected each property with some sort of 'past' he wouldn't get much work for sure!
You did the right thing - sod him and move on.....
You did the right thing - sod him and move on.....
Life, my husband had 7 charges for iioc in all 3 categories but the papers considered him to be a high profile individual which is why it got the coverage it did. I never looked but believe as well as the regional press it was on the police FB page as well as various internet sites. Sadly not one charge was challenged by the useless solicitor at the time, just make sure if you can afford it you have a KC to represent you from the start. We paid a fortune for representation that was absolute garbage.
Eye, yes stuff the tradesman, the same happened with us and our window cleaners, their loss, we have a much better window cleaner now who goes above and beyond to do other jobs so sometimes some good does come out of a terrible situation!! Xx
Eye, yes stuff the tradesman, the same happened with us and our window cleaners, their loss, we have a much better window cleaner now who goes above and beyond to do other jobs so sometimes some good does come out of a terrible situation!! Xx
I just don't think I can do this. You are all so strong. I just don't think it is worth living through for me. Everything is so awful already. How can you do media coverage on top. I feel like I'm awful and useless. I can't protect my children and I can't do my job properly so at some point I won't even be able to pay the bills.
Lifeisover
You CAN do it, you just don't know it yet. I can't remember your situation, sorry, but if media become involved, just tell yourself it'll be awful for a short while but gossip has new fodder constantly. People will forget names and faces so quickly. This is what I'm telling myself anyway and I'll keep telling myself till I believe it. You sound so down in your post, please call the helpline. Xx
You CAN do it, you just don't know it yet. I can't remember your situation, sorry, but if media become involved, just tell yourself it'll be awful for a short while but gossip has new fodder constantly. People will forget names and faces so quickly. This is what I'm telling myself anyway and I'll keep telling myself till I believe it. You sound so down in your post, please call the helpline. Xx