Welcome to our new topic folder “Impacted by a young person’s online sexual behaviour”
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Welcome to our new topic folder “Impacted by a young person’s online sexual behaviour”
This is a dedicated space for parents, carers, and family members of young people who have got into trouble for their online sexual behaviour. This behaviour may include accessing or sharing illegal material or having engaged in inappropriate communication online. After feedback from Forum users, we’ve created this topic folder because we recognise that when something like this happens with a young person, their situation can differ significantly from those involving adults.
Whilst putting a boundary on this discussion is difficult, our intention for this space is for discussion about the impact of the behaviour of people who are under the age of 21, or under 24 if they have learning disibilities. We may therefore use our discretion to move any posts regarding an adult’s offending to a more appropriate folder. This helps keep the support in this space as focused and relevant as possible, for those impacted by a young person’s online sexual behaviour.
You may be feeling scared, numb, confused or unsure of what to do next — all of those feelings are completely normal. During this time, it’s important to take care of yourself however you can. We have some self-care guidance available on our website, which you might find helpful to visit. Additionally, you can find a page on our forum with a list of sources of support and advice, here.
You may also helpful to visit our section with advice and support specifically for those concerned by a young person’s online sexual behaviour, which you can find here.
You can also visit and share our Shore website with the young person. This is a dedicated space for young people worried about sexual behaviours where they can receive free, anonymous and confidential help and support.
Kind regards,
The Forum Team
This is a dedicated space for parents, carers, and family members of young people who have got into trouble for their online sexual behaviour. This behaviour may include accessing or sharing illegal material or having engaged in inappropriate communication online. After feedback from Forum users, we’ve created this topic folder because we recognise that when something like this happens with a young person, their situation can differ significantly from those involving adults.
Whilst putting a boundary on this discussion is difficult, our intention for this space is for discussion about the impact of the behaviour of people who are under the age of 21, or under 24 if they have learning disibilities. We may therefore use our discretion to move any posts regarding an adult’s offending to a more appropriate folder. This helps keep the support in this space as focused and relevant as possible, for those impacted by a young person’s online sexual behaviour.
You may be feeling scared, numb, confused or unsure of what to do next — all of those feelings are completely normal. During this time, it’s important to take care of yourself however you can. We have some self-care guidance available on our website, which you might find helpful to visit. Additionally, you can find a page on our forum with a list of sources of support and advice, here.
You may also helpful to visit our section with advice and support specifically for those concerned by a young person’s online sexual behaviour, which you can find here.
You can also visit and share our Shore website with the young person. This is a dedicated space for young people worried about sexual behaviours where they can receive free, anonymous and confidential help and support.
Kind regards,
The Forum Team
Good to see this set up but do question the age bracket because a person is classed an adult from 18 in the eyes of the law.
Also the wording because in my sons case we are totally in the dark and know our sons reported items of iioc. Personally for me the heading makes them sound automatically guilty.
Also the wording because in my sons case we are totally in the dark and know our sons reported items of iioc. Personally for me the heading makes them sound automatically guilty.
Hi new here on this dreaded journey!! My 18 Yr old son I would never ever have thought I would be here he is a a star student good paid job just seemed normal ish 19 year old apart from being abit of an introvert always quiet around other people unless he knew you but a lovely lad now this I just don't understand. We have spoke since and he admitted being addicted to porn I said your a good looking lad you could of got out there an got a girlfriend or if didn't feel comfortable could have done the dating sites his reply was I've never felt good looking never looked in mirror an liked myself I cried I never knew he felt like that he goes to the gym and is a good looking lad an this is just breaking me he as now ruined his life his future like will there be any coming back from this!? he is never ever gonna be able to get a girlfriend now an live a normal life he will probably loose is little close group friends he had loose his job loose his flat he's just got! sorry for long post I'm waffling now but I just don't know what to do.
I want to help and support him but how do I do that....
I want to help and support him but how do I do that....
Absolutely heartbroken
Welcome, sadly you're not alone. There are many parents here.
How is your son coping? It's a horrible time, I hope you're both doing what you can to just get through these early stages.
Have you spoken to the helpline at all? There are course both you and your son can do. And there are organisations you can contact for counselling too, when you're ready.
Have the police given him/you much insight into what they have found/suspect? That might give you a starting point on where this might go, from a legal perspective (although it's not always very clear what might happen, and it seems to vary significantly case by case).
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your son and he's being quite open with you, which is good. He really needs you right now, and it can be quite a long road ahead unfortunately.
Do you have any support? Anyone safe you can confide in? Although generally I think the best approach is to tell as few people as absolutely possible. I've told no-one, which is lonely and isolating but I really want to protect my son. So I find my support here- the forum is full of wise, kind, knowledgeable, caring people.
You're not alone x x
Welcome, sadly you're not alone. There are many parents here.
How is your son coping? It's a horrible time, I hope you're both doing what you can to just get through these early stages.
Have you spoken to the helpline at all? There are course both you and your son can do. And there are organisations you can contact for counselling too, when you're ready.
Have the police given him/you much insight into what they have found/suspect? That might give you a starting point on where this might go, from a legal perspective (although it's not always very clear what might happen, and it seems to vary significantly case by case).
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your son and he's being quite open with you, which is good. He really needs you right now, and it can be quite a long road ahead unfortunately.
Do you have any support? Anyone safe you can confide in? Although generally I think the best approach is to tell as few people as absolutely possible. I've told no-one, which is lonely and isolating but I really want to protect my son. So I find my support here- the forum is full of wise, kind, knowledgeable, caring people.
You're not alone x x
Hi Starr
Thank you for your reply!
I think he is doing OK better then what he was from when it all first come to light he didn't want to be here which was awful as he had to move out so I couldn't even keep an eye on him. But he has since got a little place of his own an when I speak to him always says he's OK and always so sorry for what he's done. He works full time so at work everyday which keeps my mind at rest. He misses being at home I know that and I really miss him here he's never been away from home and just the thing that he can't come bk and just pop in when he wants is heartbreaking.
I have spoke on the chat today as just feel lost I have got my partner for support but we are on different pages with it all he want to tell everyone and not seen my son since and I don't want to tell anyone yet! And want to try help and support my son. I 100 percent do not agree with what he's done but I don't feel I can just cut ties with him he's got no one.
Police just said IIoc but who knows what they will come back with I think A B & C.
How have you coped? It's so hard isn't it feel so alone I am here if ever want to talk we could chat x
Thank you for your reply!
I think he is doing OK better then what he was from when it all first come to light he didn't want to be here which was awful as he had to move out so I couldn't even keep an eye on him. But he has since got a little place of his own an when I speak to him always says he's OK and always so sorry for what he's done. He works full time so at work everyday which keeps my mind at rest. He misses being at home I know that and I really miss him here he's never been away from home and just the thing that he can't come bk and just pop in when he wants is heartbreaking.
I have spoke on the chat today as just feel lost I have got my partner for support but we are on different pages with it all he want to tell everyone and not seen my son since and I don't want to tell anyone yet! And want to try help and support my son. I 100 percent do not agree with what he's done but I don't feel I can just cut ties with him he's got no one.
Police just said IIoc but who knows what they will come back with I think A B & C.
How have you coped? It's so hard isn't it feel so alone I am here if ever want to talk we could chat x
My 20 year old son was also arrested recently for allegedly downloading IIOC over a year ago from a group chat message on a popular social media platform. His phone and 10 year old iPad were taken (I'm still reeling from ‘the knock’).
My son is a lovely young man who works full-time and plays sport. He is very ashamed and said he has a porn addiction. He said he has been regularly viewing porn since year 6 (I had no idea) but never sought out IIOC.
It upset me when he came home from the police station and said he felt like he wanted to end his life because he had completely ruined it. I have reassured him that whatever happens I will be there to support him.
For now, we are trying to carry on life in limbo. But, I feel like this is only possible because no-one knows apart from the household and he can carry on going to work and seeing his friends. If he has to go to court that all changes…
He is worried all his friends will hate him and he will lose his job.
I feel that my son has ended up in this situation partly through immaturity/naivety and self-esteem issues combined with a compulsion to mindlessly scroll without thinking about what he was looking at and how it was made. He has contacted services for support to help him understand how he has got here and how to move forward.
I am trying to pretend everything is normal to the outside world, but when I am on my own I find myself in floods of tears. The whole situation breaks my heart and I fear things are only going to get worse.
My son is a lovely young man who works full-time and plays sport. He is very ashamed and said he has a porn addiction. He said he has been regularly viewing porn since year 6 (I had no idea) but never sought out IIOC.
It upset me when he came home from the police station and said he felt like he wanted to end his life because he had completely ruined it. I have reassured him that whatever happens I will be there to support him.
For now, we are trying to carry on life in limbo. But, I feel like this is only possible because no-one knows apart from the household and he can carry on going to work and seeing his friends. If he has to go to court that all changes…
He is worried all his friends will hate him and he will lose his job.
I feel that my son has ended up in this situation partly through immaturity/naivety and self-esteem issues combined with a compulsion to mindlessly scroll without thinking about what he was looking at and how it was made. He has contacted services for support to help him understand how he has got here and how to move forward.
I am trying to pretend everything is normal to the outside world, but when I am on my own I find myself in floods of tears. The whole situation breaks my heart and I fear things are only going to get worse.
Hello Bewildered Mum
I am so sorry that you find yourself here, but you have come to the right place for support.
It must have been a terrible shock to find out your son had been viewing porn since Year six (around 10-11 years old) Sadly, I do think this may be more common than we actually think.
Have you spoken to the helpline yet? They will be able to support you and your son through every stage of this journey. The young person's inform course they run may be something your son could consider.
Thinking of you and your son.
I am so sorry that you find yourself here, but you have come to the right place for support.
It must have been a terrible shock to find out your son had been viewing porn since Year six (around 10-11 years old) Sadly, I do think this may be more common than we actually think.
Have you spoken to the helpline yet? They will be able to support you and your son through every stage of this journey. The young person's inform course they run may be something your son could consider.
Thinking of you and your son.
Thanks for your reply Alison20
This forum is a lifeline as it helps me not feel so alone, but it is heartbreaking to hear about so many families going through trauma resulting from the actions of a loved one online.
I feel guilt as a parent that I was not aware of how easy (couple of clicks on a smartphone) it is to break the law in this way, and didn't do more to educate my son. I feel anger about the social media platforms that don’t do more to stop the availability of porn and IIOC.
I am desperately worried about the future, and awaiting a call back from a support group. My son is managing to continue work and activities by trying not to think about what is coming, although he has been proactive with arranging counselling and support that I think will ultimately help him grow as a person. He says he never ever wants to watch any porn ever again.
This forum is a lifeline as it helps me not feel so alone, but it is heartbreaking to hear about so many families going through trauma resulting from the actions of a loved one online.
I feel guilt as a parent that I was not aware of how easy (couple of clicks on a smartphone) it is to break the law in this way, and didn't do more to educate my son. I feel anger about the social media platforms that don’t do more to stop the availability of porn and IIOC.
I am desperately worried about the future, and awaiting a call back from a support group. My son is managing to continue work and activities by trying not to think about what is coming, although he has been proactive with arranging counselling and support that I think will ultimately help him grow as a person. He says he never ever wants to watch any porn ever again.