Human Rights?
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I know it's a long shot but I'm just wondering if anyone has explored whether there is a breach to your human rights with social services intervention? My OH committed an offence in August 2023, since then due to SS involvement I have no life. My daughter is on a CPP and SS have done nothing with the plan and are continuing with the plan. It's affecting my ability to do my job, I cannot work the hours I'm supposed to due to school pick ups and drop offs. I'm losing income due to having to take unpaid leave to cover the school holidays. Work have to let me work from home at least one day a week just so I can have a shower on my lunch break- which means I don't have time to eat. I can't shower in an evening because I have to supervise contact. I've not been able to go anywhere by myself since August 2023, I don't see friends anymore unless my daughter is with me which is inappropriate when I need to rant about SS and OH and SS have given me no support. It's the mums who end up as the victims :(
This would likely be a hard thing to prove. Having a look at the right to a private life it reads to me like any intervention of that should be proportionate which is what I think would be hard to prove. Although in your OH case there wasn't an actual "victim" (I believe it was an obscene article, forgive me if I'm wrong) the way these offences are viewed in society mean that most would rule that your ability to shower or go to the toilet being limited is proportionate to protecting your child from sexual abuse. I'm in no way saying that your child is at risk of sexual abuse but that is what ss would argue.
Believe me, I know what it is to not be able to have a normal life. I would suggest that for the time you maybe cut an hour off contact per week to give yourself opportunity to look after yourself. An hour isn't going to be the end of the world for your OH and your child's relationship.
You can absolutely stand up for yourself on CPP but do it in a way that shows you're protective, educate yourself on risk of harm, signs of abuse etc. Gain as much knowledge as you can to fight them xxx
Believe me, I know what it is to not be able to have a normal life. I would suggest that for the time you maybe cut an hour off contact per week to give yourself opportunity to look after yourself. An hour isn't going to be the end of the world for your OH and your child's relationship.
You can absolutely stand up for yourself on CPP but do it in a way that shows you're protective, educate yourself on risk of harm, signs of abuse etc. Gain as much knowledge as you can to fight them xxx
I doubt it because the safety and wellbeing of a child will always come first. It's "just" extremely unfortunate that us as women and mothers end up having to pick up the pieces and everything else for that matter. I can remember being fuming that my ex was languishing at Her Majesty's pleasure while I was left to deal with 4 children, I'd lost my carer and was dumped permanently in the Benefit system and was threatened with eviction, and, left to deal with gr fallout from the press! Don't get me wrong, I know prison isn't pleasant, but he had ZERO responsibilities and didn't have to deal with the very challenging world of SS's!
Thanks ladies for the replies, we are left in a diabolical situation. I'm just more concerned that the CPP has been in place since August last year and SS have literally done nothing that's the point I'm trying to argue with them, if they consider the risk so great why are they not doing anything. Yes he published an obscene article, no images involved, no SOR or SHPO given to him. It's in the safety plan that the SW was supposed to do awareness sessions with me- she has done nothing. An updated family assessment was supposed to be done by 6th Feb, that still hasn't been done. They are the only things on the safety plan apart from me having to supervise contact and he isn't allowed to live at the house. Xx
Do you have any other support or family who could supervise contact or watch your children for a few hours so you can just get some time to yourself?! We were threatened with CPP unless I "widened my support group" the people in the support group still can't and don't actually supervise as they have jobs and kids of their own so don't want to bring them along during supervised sessions (which was what I argued at the time) but I think it's a willingness to involve more people than just yourself who your child can trust and who can help protect them. My social worker also suggested I "just get a different job" as if it's that easy to get flexibility around childcare whilst being the only breadwinner (as often our people cannot work or are sacked).
We are limited in terms of family who can help but have friends who can help. But like us everyone works full time and have their own children to look after so I think it's unfair to then put them under pressure and ask them to help supervise contact with our daughter. I have a friend across the road who could help but she doesn't get home from work until 6pm every night and I feel really uncomfortable asking her to get involved in this xx
Please take this just as advice, it's your life and nobody else is in your shoes so only you know what is right for you
But something I've learnt is that sometimes you have to put yourself above everyone else to make sure that your basic needs are being met. Right now you are the only one who can legally look after your child so your wellbeing is very important to make sure your child has a functioning, parent who doesn't end up burnt out. You could think about setting some boundaries about contact with your OH, could he stay away 2 nights a week? That would mean you wouldn't be supervising and could relax, have a shower and live without that burden. I understand lots of people don't want their children to realise their OH is missing but could you say dad's doing a project at work and has to stay late a few nights a week's for a bit?
This is not from a place of experience I left and my children haven't seen their dad or had any contact since but I have no support system, a full time job and a disabled child so I do know how hard it is to try and juggle those things and I feel absolutely exhausted, it is relentless so sending love from one exhausted mum to another.
But something I've learnt is that sometimes you have to put yourself above everyone else to make sure that your basic needs are being met. Right now you are the only one who can legally look after your child so your wellbeing is very important to make sure your child has a functioning, parent who doesn't end up burnt out. You could think about setting some boundaries about contact with your OH, could he stay away 2 nights a week? That would mean you wouldn't be supervising and could relax, have a shower and live without that burden. I understand lots of people don't want their children to realise their OH is missing but could you say dad's doing a project at work and has to stay late a few nights a week's for a bit?
This is not from a place of experience I left and my children haven't seen their dad or had any contact since but I have no support system, a full time job and a disabled child so I do know how hard it is to try and juggle those things and I feel absolutely exhausted, it is relentless so sending love from one exhausted mum to another.
I've often thought about the human rights angle, but agree with subsequent comments, I think we'd be weeing in the wind, so to speak! X
I have no advice, but I love your use of the word DIABOLICAL . Its spot on! My guess would be that SS's will get round to you eventually and do what they said they would. X