Leaving jail
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When my son went to prison my life was destroyed .I was terrorised where I lived ,even waking up to find soneone trying to set fire to my house ,chased by people in balaclavas and baseball bat's, and I had to leave my house and was homeless for 7 months .During that time I suffered a breakdown and tried to hang myself .
I found it very difficult to talk to my son for a long time ,but softened when my mum became ill and sadly died .
My son found God in jail ,and he told me he needed and deserved to go to jail ,and we have become close again .
At first I always said he could never live with me again ,but I want to help him and want him to come home when he is released in a few months .I now live in my mums old house and some of the neighbours won't speak to me now because I said my son was coming to live here when he is released .This has given me some anxiety, but I have 3 ring doorbells over my house and it's not a council estate it's all private owners most over 60 ,so I just think they will ignore me and gossip ,and I can live with that! But what I'm worried about is its all new ,it's alien to me .obviously he's on sor and shipo ,so what happens ,will there be regular police cars outside my house coming to check devices or will they be discreet .I went through so much abuse before I just don't know if I can cope .I don't know how to support him best ,he's only 21 ,how can I help ,what organisations can I point him towards ,I just don't know how to help ,not get angry at him ,not have another meltdown myself .Any advice would be appreciated of how to deal with the future x
I found it very difficult to talk to my son for a long time ,but softened when my mum became ill and sadly died .
My son found God in jail ,and he told me he needed and deserved to go to jail ,and we have become close again .
At first I always said he could never live with me again ,but I want to help him and want him to come home when he is released in a few months .I now live in my mums old house and some of the neighbours won't speak to me now because I said my son was coming to live here when he is released .This has given me some anxiety, but I have 3 ring doorbells over my house and it's not a council estate it's all private owners most over 60 ,so I just think they will ignore me and gossip ,and I can live with that! But what I'm worried about is its all new ,it's alien to me .obviously he's on sor and shipo ,so what happens ,will there be regular police cars outside my house coming to check devices or will they be discreet .I went through so much abuse before I just don't know if I can cope .I don't know how to support him best ,he's only 21 ,how can I help ,what organisations can I point him towards ,I just don't know how to help ,not get angry at him ,not have another meltdown myself .Any advice would be appreciated of how to deal with the future x
Hi, it will be specialist officers in plain clothes in an unmarked vehicle who will come and check on your son to go through his devices and talk with him. They will probably put software on his phone that will flag anything illegal. They will arrive unannounced. In "our" situation, they arrive roughly every 3 months, a bit more in the early weeks/months following release. Your son could get regular specialist counselling through StopSO. All the best to you.
Hi, my sons offender manager (police) arrive at the house with a colleague in plain clothes in a normal car. They come to the back door as this is the door used by friends and family and have always been respectful and polite. If I'm home I leave my son to meet with them in private and then join them at the end of the visit to ask any questions I have.
My son has also found probation to be supportive.
If your son wants to link in with a local church a risk assessment will be required by the church which his probation officer and offender manager should be involved in.
A SHPO will outline any restrictions placed on your son, for example it might state 'no unsupervised contact with anyone under the age of 18 years'.
I hope this helps but please ask any more questions you have as I appreciate it's a big decision to make.
My son has also found probation to be supportive.
If your son wants to link in with a local church a risk assessment will be required by the church which his probation officer and offender manager should be involved in.
A SHPO will outline any restrictions placed on your son, for example it might state 'no unsupervised contact with anyone under the age of 18 years'.
I hope this helps but please ask any more questions you have as I appreciate it's a big decision to make.