First post here- my story
Notifications OFF
Hello
This is my first post on this forum. I wanted to briefly share my story and ask a few questions. My story actually starts over 20 years ago when my dad was arrested. I and my brother were both in our early twenties. I’ll save the details but essentially the knock, the investigation, the prison term (about 6 months) and the devastating effects on our family. My parents divorced and whilst we tried to support and help our dad my brother and I have ultimately become estranged from him over the last 10+ years, mostly due to his reclusion from society. As you all know it’s a deep shameful secret our family has, and not many people know about it other than our very close partners. My husband is aware but none of my three teenage children know the real reason their grandfather has never been in their lives.
Fast forward to last weekend….. I got the call from my brother that history is repeating itself and he has been arrested for the same thing. I’m absolutely devastated and shocked. My brother and I are not super close but there has always been this shared bond and understanding of being there for one another, especially after the shared trauma of our experience with our dad. I’m so ashamed that the two men in my family that I grew up with have done this. I don’t yet know the details of my brother’s charges, he said he was chatting in rooms… I also don’t know exactly how long this has been going on. He doesn’t have children but was finally in a happy relationship after many years by himself. She is devastated and utterly shocked, and it turns out that my brother had never actually told her about our dad (they had been together for 5 years and I presumed she knew but never asked) My brother has struggled with depression and some social isolation in the past.
Right now I’m still processing and shocked…. Does anyone know or have any answers as to whether this can happen? Is my brother “wired” the same as my dad? Is there repressed trauma or something that can begin to explain this cycle?
I feel like I’ve regressed 20 years in processing and healing from the first offense…. I never have truly gotten over the loss of my relationship with my dad (he was very present and involved in my life until that happened). And now I have to go through it all again with the only other person that could truly relate to me.
Sorry for the long post…. It helps to begin to write and share.
Thanks
This is my first post on this forum. I wanted to briefly share my story and ask a few questions. My story actually starts over 20 years ago when my dad was arrested. I and my brother were both in our early twenties. I’ll save the details but essentially the knock, the investigation, the prison term (about 6 months) and the devastating effects on our family. My parents divorced and whilst we tried to support and help our dad my brother and I have ultimately become estranged from him over the last 10+ years, mostly due to his reclusion from society. As you all know it’s a deep shameful secret our family has, and not many people know about it other than our very close partners. My husband is aware but none of my three teenage children know the real reason their grandfather has never been in their lives.
Fast forward to last weekend….. I got the call from my brother that history is repeating itself and he has been arrested for the same thing. I’m absolutely devastated and shocked. My brother and I are not super close but there has always been this shared bond and understanding of being there for one another, especially after the shared trauma of our experience with our dad. I’m so ashamed that the two men in my family that I grew up with have done this. I don’t yet know the details of my brother’s charges, he said he was chatting in rooms… I also don’t know exactly how long this has been going on. He doesn’t have children but was finally in a happy relationship after many years by himself. She is devastated and utterly shocked, and it turns out that my brother had never actually told her about our dad (they had been together for 5 years and I presumed she knew but never asked) My brother has struggled with depression and some social isolation in the past.
Right now I’m still processing and shocked…. Does anyone know or have any answers as to whether this can happen? Is my brother “wired” the same as my dad? Is there repressed trauma or something that can begin to explain this cycle?
I feel like I’ve regressed 20 years in processing and healing from the first offense…. I never have truly gotten over the loss of my relationship with my dad (he was very present and involved in my life until that happened). And now I have to go through it all again with the only other person that could truly relate to me.
Sorry for the long post…. It helps to begin to write and share.
Thanks