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Hi, long story short I'm in a relationship with someone who has been on the sex offenders register for 3 years, he has 2 years left and we have a son together
He's allowed to see his son under my supervision but I have 2 young daughters from a previous relationship he isn't allowed any contact with.
We have been through countless assessments with social services to decide whether I can supervise him with all 3 of children, they assess to see if I can act as a protective parent but in the assessment say I'm not being protective by staying with him
I would never let my kids come to any harm and I would never leave him alone with them.
I don't accept what he did and I am not naive.
My question is if they don't allow us more contact, what happens when he comes off the SOR, do social services have a right to still stop this, does he automatically have no rules being around children e.g. he could take his son with me to soft play areas or parks or the zoo? And has anyone been in this situation where someone has ended being able to have a relashionship with someone on SOR when they have young children from another relashionships.
He's allowed to see his son under my supervision but I have 2 young daughters from a previous relationship he isn't allowed any contact with.
We have been through countless assessments with social services to decide whether I can supervise him with all 3 of children, they assess to see if I can act as a protective parent but in the assessment say I'm not being protective by staying with him
I would never let my kids come to any harm and I would never leave him alone with them.
I don't accept what he did and I am not naive.
My question is if they don't allow us more contact, what happens when he comes off the SOR, do social services have a right to still stop this, does he automatically have no rules being around children e.g. he could take his son with me to soft play areas or parks or the zoo? And has anyone been in this situation where someone has ended being able to have a relashionship with someone on SOR when they have young children from another relashionships.
What a difficult situation for you, it must be so hard if two of your children aren't allowed ANY contact :( no advice but just wanted to send you a hug and that I hope you find a manageable way forwards x
Social work are difficult to handle. You are automatically classed as not being protective if you continue a relationship. You need to prove to them you are. They will say "no contact as the victims fall within the same age range as the children". You have to show them you are aware of the seriousness of his offence. Taking modules and courses by Stop It Now and Lucy Faithfull helps show you are educating yourself. Do everything they ask of you, prove you have an effective safety plan in place.
We attended counselling, that showed then we were working on our relationship. When he is off the register the may close your case but they may not. They each work differently from region to region as well as each worker.
It took us almost 5 years to get my husband home and unsupervised access with our children. It can be done x
We attended counselling, that showed then we were working on our relationship. When he is off the register the may close your case but they may not. They each work differently from region to region as well as each worker.
It took us almost 5 years to get my husband home and unsupervised access with our children. It can be done x
I can't offer advice unfortunately as no experience in this area. But sounds like your in a difficult situation. Just remember at some point everything will start to settle. I remember saying to a friend once I can't see light at the end of the tunnel, and they just said it's cause your at a corner that's why!
stay strong x
stay strong x
Thank you everyone
I've been on child protection since May this year and have another conference on the 6th Feb, I've nerve been so anxious in all my life because with me and my partner both having risk assessments we will be told how we will live our lives for the next 2 years, i have recently completed an 8 week sexual harm awareness course that was extremely in depth. The least I'm looking for is to be able to supervise all 3 children around him, I've already been approved of supervising one (his son)
The assessment I had yesterday, it was extremely invasive and all the social worker kept saying was "he's attracted to children and always will be"
She kept asking why I'm willing to overlook it
She said I can never always be there to protect my kids and I said I'm sorry but I will be, if there was any situation that my kids would be alone with him even for 2 minutes then I would rather ask him to go home (he lives opposite me) but still that's not good enough for them. Everything I said was twisted and contradicted and I felt undermined, i had never met this woman before and she has never met me. It's all a nightmare, and I know it will be over eventually, it's just the suffering until then
I've been on child protection since May this year and have another conference on the 6th Feb, I've nerve been so anxious in all my life because with me and my partner both having risk assessments we will be told how we will live our lives for the next 2 years, i have recently completed an 8 week sexual harm awareness course that was extremely in depth. The least I'm looking for is to be able to supervise all 3 children around him, I've already been approved of supervising one (his son)
The assessment I had yesterday, it was extremely invasive and all the social worker kept saying was "he's attracted to children and always will be"
She kept asking why I'm willing to overlook it
She said I can never always be there to protect my kids and I said I'm sorry but I will be, if there was any situation that my kids would be alone with him even for 2 minutes then I would rather ask him to go home (he lives opposite me) but still that's not good enough for them. Everything I said was twisted and contradicted and I felt undermined, i had never met this woman before and she has never met me. It's all a nightmare, and I know it will be over eventually, it's just the suffering until then
I forgot to add that our worst possible place has been and gone, our baby was born in October this year, and he had to be supervised by either my mum or his mum with me there for weeks before they granted me permission to do it myself.
Obviously I don't know you or your partners background, nor do I know his convictions but to me that was a very unprofessional insensitive response from your worker, possibly very short sighted also. Do they know why your partner committed an offense and the circumstances that led him there? Do you personally feel he poses a risk? What has been the outcome of his risk assessment? Naturally you will be vary and more vigilant, but I think it's a lack of education, awareness, narrow mindness from the workers perspective to assume your not aware of the risks or have the ability to protect your children. I'm really sorry your in this situation. Do services not think you can do both? Protect your children and support someone you love? Humans do have the skills to multi task.
Im sure your doing the best you can in the situation your in x
Im sure your doing the best you can in the situation your in x
I feel like I'm becoming repetitive on the forum but seek an advocate. They will be there to step in when SW are being unprofessional, believe me it happens. Those who view IIOC are not necessarily attracted to children. It is very judgemental that they would say that. X
He was arrested for possessing IIOC, he got 5 years on SOR, a 5 year SHPO which states no unsupervised contact with children, he didn't go to prison, and he's done his own course and finishes probation this July, he served almost 3 years of these already, the social worker I saw doesn't have a clue, she's never even met us before before apparently before SS can make a decision on how much contact he can have in my life, they needed an outsider to come in and do the assessment, we don't know the outcome of the assessments yet, we're due to find out in approximately 3 weeks, at the end of the assessment she also said she believes I could be Autistic! I suppose that just an excuse to put me through some health assessments to prolong everything as much as they can, I don't have any signs of Autism at all, I don't experience any difficulties I communication or learning, she also said she's worried I seem over confident.
I will defiantly look into an Advocate, thank you