Telling Others
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My son got 'the knock' in December 2023.
I was the only person he told. Then he told work he'd been arrested ( because he was due to be in work that day and was too stressed to just say he was sick)
He paid for counselling, but other than that told nobody. Work don't know the details, but do know the nature of the offence. Luckily he kept his job right up until sentencing (2 weeks ago)
He got an immediate custodial sentence. I was sat in my car waiting to hear from him when I got a call from a withheld number. How I managed to drive home was a complete mystery. I sat at home and just sobbed. Then I messaged his work to tell them.
At that point I had told nobody else. He'd made me promise that if it all went wrong I would tell someone so I wasn't alone. So I messaged my sister, who, to her eternal credit jumped in a taxi and came round.
I feel terrible that I told her, but asked her not to tell her husband. I don't think she should have secrets from him, but he's very right wing in his views and if he said anything I don't think I'd react well.
But she's still the only person who knows. And I feel it's unfair on her. I haven't told any other friends or family. He lives in a different town, in a different county, and has told some friends and had them added to his contacts list.
Should I tell people, and if so, how much do I tell them? I don't know all the charges, just the broad outline, and I think it's the speculation that bothers me more. Or do I just say he's in prison and leave it at that?
I was the only person he told. Then he told work he'd been arrested ( because he was due to be in work that day and was too stressed to just say he was sick)
He paid for counselling, but other than that told nobody. Work don't know the details, but do know the nature of the offence. Luckily he kept his job right up until sentencing (2 weeks ago)
He got an immediate custodial sentence. I was sat in my car waiting to hear from him when I got a call from a withheld number. How I managed to drive home was a complete mystery. I sat at home and just sobbed. Then I messaged his work to tell them.
At that point I had told nobody else. He'd made me promise that if it all went wrong I would tell someone so I wasn't alone. So I messaged my sister, who, to her eternal credit jumped in a taxi and came round.
I feel terrible that I told her, but asked her not to tell her husband. I don't think she should have secrets from him, but he's very right wing in his views and if he said anything I don't think I'd react well.
But she's still the only person who knows. And I feel it's unfair on her. I haven't told any other friends or family. He lives in a different town, in a different county, and has told some friends and had them added to his contacts list.
Should I tell people, and if so, how much do I tell them? I don't know all the charges, just the broad outline, and I think it's the speculation that bothers me more. Or do I just say he's in prison and leave it at that?
Hi 3littlebirds - you don't 'have to tell' anyone - don't pressurise yourself with trying to make a choice.
Telling people then having to cope with 'their' response is a lot of pressure for you and I'd avoid adding more burdens. You have enough coping with a loved one in prison.
Times will arise when you have no choice to tell, but deal with it when it happens. You really have to look after yourself in this journey, as selfish as it might sound, it's very true xxx
Takd care x
Telling people then having to cope with 'their' response is a lot of pressure for you and I'd avoid adding more burdens. You have enough coping with a loved one in prison.
Times will arise when you have no choice to tell, but deal with it when it happens. You really have to look after yourself in this journey, as selfish as it might sound, it's very true xxx
Takd care x