My partner accused of having indecent images of children on laptop
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Hi
My partner ( father of my children) was arrested 8 months ago for sending sexual messages to a child under the age of 11 on snapchat ( it was police not a child he was allegedly talking to) and then after they confiscated his devices from our home, they found incident images of children of all categories. There's is still ongoing investigation, there are no charges yet.
My children are currently on child protection plan with me, supervising all of his visits with our children who are 4y and 8 months old.
I have no idea what to do or what to believe because he claims that these allegations are not true and he would never hurt children this way. He said that it wasn't him on Snapchat and that his account was hacked. He also said that he had no idea he had this type of images on his laptop, he said that yes he's been on these websites looking for adult content, it was like a WhatsApp forum kind of thing where you had to download a large file of photos to see anything but he was only there for adult images not kids. He said he came across people chatting about children but always ignored and was looking for adult only content.
I know him for 9 years now and my whole family is in disbelief becasue he never did anything wrong towards any of the children including his own in our family, he never tried to be involved with any of them, always stayed with adults on all family gatherings so I can not even imagine he would do such a thing.
I have social services trying to convince me that he is guilty and they say that I should think about the probability of him maybe abusing my children as they say it's very likely to happen in the future. I don't know what I'm gonna do, we have family conference to discuss each scenario of this case as its still under investigation and I have to come up with a plan for all the outcomes so if the police says there's no further actions socials services won't allow him to come back home because of the risk and if he is charged he will have to be removed permanently as he won't be allowed to be in places with children and apparently even if the court decides he isn’t guilty that would still not be enough for social services to back off.
My children love him, he has great relationship with them I have never seen him doing anything out of the ordinary to them. My family is falling to pieces because of that. I will always put my children first but I don't want to accuse him, and then it will turn out he didn't do it.
Does anyone had any similar situations and if so what did you do ? I don't want to loose my children to social services as they did tell me that it will happen if I don't believe the allegations.
My partner ( father of my children) was arrested 8 months ago for sending sexual messages to a child under the age of 11 on snapchat ( it was police not a child he was allegedly talking to) and then after they confiscated his devices from our home, they found incident images of children of all categories. There's is still ongoing investigation, there are no charges yet.
My children are currently on child protection plan with me, supervising all of his visits with our children who are 4y and 8 months old.
I have no idea what to do or what to believe because he claims that these allegations are not true and he would never hurt children this way. He said that it wasn't him on Snapchat and that his account was hacked. He also said that he had no idea he had this type of images on his laptop, he said that yes he's been on these websites looking for adult content, it was like a WhatsApp forum kind of thing where you had to download a large file of photos to see anything but he was only there for adult images not kids. He said he came across people chatting about children but always ignored and was looking for adult only content.
I know him for 9 years now and my whole family is in disbelief becasue he never did anything wrong towards any of the children including his own in our family, he never tried to be involved with any of them, always stayed with adults on all family gatherings so I can not even imagine he would do such a thing.
I have social services trying to convince me that he is guilty and they say that I should think about the probability of him maybe abusing my children as they say it's very likely to happen in the future. I don't know what I'm gonna do, we have family conference to discuss each scenario of this case as its still under investigation and I have to come up with a plan for all the outcomes so if the police says there's no further actions socials services won't allow him to come back home because of the risk and if he is charged he will have to be removed permanently as he won't be allowed to be in places with children and apparently even if the court decides he isn’t guilty that would still not be enough for social services to back off.
My children love him, he has great relationship with them I have never seen him doing anything out of the ordinary to them. My family is falling to pieces because of that. I will always put my children first but I don't want to accuse him, and then it will turn out he didn't do it.
Does anyone had any similar situations and if so what did you do ? I don't want to loose my children to social services as they did tell me that it will happen if I don't believe the allegations.
Hi, I'm sorry you're going through all this.
In my experience, SS's always start from the worst case scenario and they'll say anything to get you to agree to no longer having your partner in your life. It makes their lives so much easier if you comply. They said almost exactly the same to me after the knock that my ex had probably contact offended, not "just" images etc. He hadn't. In the end it was "just" images. I wish you all the very best. X
In my experience, SS's always start from the worst case scenario and they'll say anything to get you to agree to no longer having your partner in your life. It makes their lives so much easier if you comply. They said almost exactly the same to me after the knock that my ex had probably contact offended, not "just" images etc. He hadn't. In the end it was "just" images. I wish you all the very best. X
I'm so sorry you've joined club knock :(. My husband was arrested for similar. He was flagged by an app called discord after he shared a video with the group of what turned out to be a teenager. All categories were found on his phone, I don't know about laptop yet.
Unfortunately, my Husband too attempted to minimise the evidence and ended up reading one of his letters to discover the truth (not just one video). I think if you've been caught doing something, you automatically try and minimise for self preservation. I never thought my person would be capable of this, nor did I suspect he would be a member of a toxic porn chat room on discord but he did do it. Sadly, if it was true that he was hacked, the images would not be on his devices as it wouldn't be that device that downloaded the images.
Lots of people stay together after court and charges, lots of people don't. It's completely up to you and what's best for your family. I spend as little time around my husband as possible and have a separate life and bedroom from him now, I just can't trust anything that comes out of his mouth. I'll probably wait until I know the full extent before I make a decision, I'm very much just in survival mode right now. I'm so so sorry you're going through this too.
Unfortunately, my Husband too attempted to minimise the evidence and ended up reading one of his letters to discover the truth (not just one video). I think if you've been caught doing something, you automatically try and minimise for self preservation. I never thought my person would be capable of this, nor did I suspect he would be a member of a toxic porn chat room on discord but he did do it. Sadly, if it was true that he was hacked, the images would not be on his devices as it wouldn't be that device that downloaded the images.
Lots of people stay together after court and charges, lots of people don't. It's completely up to you and what's best for your family. I spend as little time around my husband as possible and have a separate life and bedroom from him now, I just can't trust anything that comes out of his mouth. I'll probably wait until I know the full extent before I make a decision, I'm very much just in survival mode right now. I'm so so sorry you're going through this too.
Social services will always assume the worst and from my experience, navigating my way with them has been the hardest part. Unless you have a social worker who understands these offences its really really hard. My last social worker was awful, and told me if I stayed with my partner I'd loose my children and all sorts of horrible stuff. I was told I was palming my children off for my own sexual needs for spending a night with him wktb no children there and all sorts.
I have since done various courses, as has my partner and we have a new social worker who is actually working with us and not against us. She has said time and time again that he has a right to be a dad and she iant there to stop that because there is no evidence to suggest he's a risk of contact offending like my last social worker insinuated she just said we need to be mindful that it is always a risk and has started doing work with us for my partner to eventually return home. She really has given us hope.
I would look into safeguarding courses, and maybe sign yourself up for the Inform course with lucy faithful foundation. Even if your plan isn't to stay with your partner, it will show social services your trying to educate yourself. Take things slowly one day at a time
I have since done various courses, as has my partner and we have a new social worker who is actually working with us and not against us. She has said time and time again that he has a right to be a dad and she iant there to stop that because there is no evidence to suggest he's a risk of contact offending like my last social worker insinuated she just said we need to be mindful that it is always a risk and has started doing work with us for my partner to eventually return home. She really has given us hope.
I would look into safeguarding courses, and maybe sign yourself up for the Inform course with lucy faithful foundation. Even if your plan isn't to stay with your partner, it will show social services your trying to educate yourself. Take things slowly one day at a time
marauder91.
You are spot on. SS's start with the worse case scenario add will say outrageous lies to get people to comply. In paperwork I had from them in the early weeks they said, "Is this a P ring"? My ex went to prison, first offence, but SS's said my two children aged 12 & 14 at the time weren't allowed any contact with him whatsoever, no visits, no calls, no letters, nothing. It was devastating for my children and caused them as much harm as the original issue. What completely did my head in was when I visited him in prison, the visiting hall was FULL of young children running around or sat right next to my ex. But not our children. When I challenged SS's about it, they said that my ex could abuse them there by, "speaking in code". He's never contact offended and never abused any of us. It blew my mind. In the end I had to give up and simply wait it out until my children reached 16.
You are spot on. SS's start with the worse case scenario add will say outrageous lies to get people to comply. In paperwork I had from them in the early weeks they said, "Is this a P ring"? My ex went to prison, first offence, but SS's said my two children aged 12 & 14 at the time weren't allowed any contact with him whatsoever, no visits, no calls, no letters, nothing. It was devastating for my children and caused them as much harm as the original issue. What completely did my head in was when I visited him in prison, the visiting hall was FULL of young children running around or sat right next to my ex. But not our children. When I challenged SS's about it, they said that my ex could abuse them there by, "speaking in code". He's never contact offended and never abused any of us. It blew my mind. In the end I had to give up and simply wait it out until my children reached 16.