Sentencing how do you cope
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Sentencing is looming, I don't want to be to specific as to when so as not to identify myself.
But I'm struggling terribly I've had a migraine for about 3 days, I'm irritable, no attention span, no motivation, I can't even watch a programme because I can't concentrate my brain just starts spiralling :(
How do you cope? It's so painful and it's the Easter holidays I'm trying to be a good mum but I just want to crawl under my duvet and die :(
But I'm struggling terribly I've had a migraine for about 3 days, I'm irritable, no attention span, no motivation, I can't even watch a programme because I can't concentrate my brain just starts spiralling :(
How do you cope? It's so painful and it's the Easter holidays I'm trying to be a good mum but I just want to crawl under my duvet and die :(
I have no advice but couldn't read and run
I don't know how I will feel when our time comes but if impending bail dates are anything to go by I'll be a complete wreck.
Sending you huge virtual hugs and support xxxx
I don't know how I will feel when our time comes but if impending bail dates are anything to go by I'll be a complete wreck.
Sending you huge virtual hugs and support xxxx
I wish I could offer some great words of advice but I can't. Hang in there, you've got this far. I hope your migraine eases off soon. They make hard things even harder. Try and be kind to yourself over the next however many days you have before sentencing. Xx
Hi, I was in this situation only last month.
I wanted the entire situation over and to allow us to heal and move forward with our new lives I knew that meant the day in court had to be achieved.
When my sons original sentencing date came and went due to not being listed the evening before I was really irritated. I felt like something wanted to hold us there where we couldn't live.
As soon as sentencing was confirmed, my son left the dock and the court room I felt the enormous stress leave. We knew the press were present and expected the reporting. We held our breath the following day and agreed the vile comments online were from people how really didn't know. It was very clear some had read the headline too and not even the sentence!
I don't not want to imply it was easy, I paced the floor outside the court room, however please believe in your inner strength and that you can begin to heal and live.
All the very best xx
I wanted the entire situation over and to allow us to heal and move forward with our new lives I knew that meant the day in court had to be achieved.
When my sons original sentencing date came and went due to not being listed the evening before I was really irritated. I felt like something wanted to hold us there where we couldn't live.
As soon as sentencing was confirmed, my son left the dock and the court room I felt the enormous stress leave. We knew the press were present and expected the reporting. We held our breath the following day and agreed the vile comments online were from people how really didn't know. It was very clear some had read the headline too and not even the sentence!
I don't not want to imply it was easy, I paced the floor outside the court room, however please believe in your inner strength and that you can begin to heal and live.
All the very best xx
I honestly don't know. But know that you're not alone x
Rewind and remind yourself all the problems that have occurred since the beginning of your journey and how you HAVE coped and shuffled forward.
It's a nasty stage but you will get through - once over you will know what lies ahead with a clearer head....
Bless you and a hug sent x
It's a nasty stage but you will get through - once over you will know what lies ahead with a clearer head....
Bless you and a hug sent x
My ex is due to be sentenced next week but it's been adjourned FOUR times so far, literally the night before. I just want it over. For me, it's an intolerable stress but I do need this to be over. X
We're almost four weeks post sentencing. The days running up to it were stressful but it does all seem like a distant memory now. I just tried to keep myself busy. There are of course different challenges now regarding SHPO and SOR but these will just have to be dealt with. On the day of sentencing my person was getting the train as I don't drive and he couldn't in case he got a custodial. The trains were delayed because of a problem. He didn't take his phone either so I had to get to the station and say if they were delayed too long I'd got my friend on standby to take him. Luckily it was all ok. A stressful start to the morning but I can smile about it now :)
You will get through it. Sending a hug x
You will get through it. Sending a hug x
Thanks all, I do appreciate the advice part of me will be so so relieved when this hurdle is over but the other half of me is terrified, I wish sentencing wasn't so variable. What sentence they get doesn't really seem based on the crime but on the judge of the day it makes it so hard because it's totally unknown. I'm just praying with everything I have that it doesn't get horrible media coverage and that I can move on with my life and my children, but I feel awful I really am struggling to hold on but I know it's nearly over, we're not together anymore but obviously the last thing I want to tell me children is that their dad is in prison it breaks my heart xxx
I have looked forward to the sentencing and saw it as a point where we can start moving forward from. It helped me, for us to plan for the worst case scenario and just be as best prepared as possible. The day is now a blur.
We got through the lead up to sentencing by concentrating on all the practical things my person needed to put in place in case he went to prison. There was the bank account, insurance, mobile phone contract etc to think about, we shopped for the things he needed to pack in his 'just in case' bag. There were decisions made on how his children would be told and the support their mum would need if he was no longer around to share child care.
The unknown is so difficult but for us preparing for the worst did help to give us a small sense of being in control.
The unknown is so difficult but for us preparing for the worst did help to give us a small sense of being in control.
Excellent advice Ocean, one thing I wish we'd have done, I hid my head in the sand as we knew my son would go to prison. We didn't prepare a thing.
Sorting what he left was another unbelievable heartbreaking stress which of course he couldn't 'do' anything as he wasn't there!!!!
again - good advice...
Sorting what he left was another unbelievable heartbreaking stress which of course he couldn't 'do' anything as he wasn't there!!!!
again - good advice...
Hi
Sorry you are here. I'm with Ocean here. I helped my son prepare for sentencing including the just incase bag. Got all of his important phone numbers and addresses written down. Sorted access to his bank, car insurance etc etc.
Unfortunately he received a custodial around 6 weeks ago. Despite the shock we have moved on and he's doing fine. It's hard but before sentencing you are in a wierd sort of limbo. It's actually quite a relief when it's over!
Whatever happens you are strong enough to get through this x
Sorry you are here. I'm with Ocean here. I helped my son prepare for sentencing including the just incase bag. Got all of his important phone numbers and addresses written down. Sorted access to his bank, car insurance etc etc.
Unfortunately he received a custodial around 6 weeks ago. Despite the shock we have moved on and he's doing fine. It's hard but before sentencing you are in a wierd sort of limbo. It's actually quite a relief when it's over!
Whatever happens you are strong enough to get through this x
Thankyou I do appreciate hearing your experiences but we're not together anymore so the preparing isn't my job and actually although I think if it's your child it's slightly different whilst emotionally I'm sure it's horrible to watch them go to prison and I can imagine the fears as a parent are terrible but as a spouse and mother of their children my whole financial situation falls apart, I have to break my children's hearts and tell them their dad made decisions which sent him to prison and took him out of their life. And then he's in prison, fed, watered, access to education, no real responsibilities or bills to pay (I'm not saying it's nice in there but he'll probably be in a VP wing). Whilst me and his children will be in poverty, we'll probably lose our home, I might not be able to work, the children might be bullied or ostracised due to the media, I will be mortified. So totally appreciate as a parent preparing might help but as a spouse who is alone that's not my major concern the devestation he's caused is and once again I'll be picking up the piece's....
I hear you. My son's marriage ended following his arrest and he lost his home, job and family. His ex wife is now looking at having to sell what was their family home and will have to downsize quite considerably as a result of my son's behaviour.
I don't know if it will help but what I can say is that despite my sons's case being in the media after both magistrates court and crown court, his children and ex wife did not suffer any repercussions from the media exposure. My son and his ex wife's relationship was very difficult after sentencing but now 18 months later their relationship has moved on to the point they are able to spend the occasional day out together with their children.
I don't know if it will help but what I can say is that despite my sons's case being in the media after both magistrates court and crown court, his children and ex wife did not suffer any repercussions from the media exposure. My son and his ex wife's relationship was very difficult after sentencing but now 18 months later their relationship has moved on to the point they are able to spend the occasional day out together with their children.
I'm sorry, I also don't have any advice for this as I am yet to face this very soon as well. I keep trying to get on with my daily life but I'm truly dreading it.
The only thing keeping me going is the thought that it will be the beginning of the end and we'll know what we'll ultimately be dealing with going forward.
Unfortunately, I don't think there's any way to go through this without any level of struggle. The whole thing has already been devastating, we just want things to be okay and go back to a normal life before this came into our lives.
It feels so scary and isolating. If you want to message feel free because I am going through the same right now and I'm honestly scared out of my wits. You're not alone x
The only thing keeping me going is the thought that it will be the beginning of the end and we'll know what we'll ultimately be dealing with going forward.
Unfortunately, I don't think there's any way to go through this without any level of struggle. The whole thing has already been devastating, we just want things to be okay and go back to a normal life before this came into our lives.
It feels so scary and isolating. If you want to message feel free because I am going through the same right now and I'm honestly scared out of my wits. You're not alone x
Hi LRF
I really do feel for you. My turn is coming soon. My husband is due at Magustrates Court soon. I'm devastated all over again and terrified of trying to protect our child and myself from the consequences. I'm trying to figure out if I should move and to where. If my career will survive this or if I should try to start over and doing what?! This is hell. I've been chatting to others who are out the other end of this and they're doing okay now. I'm holding onto that- we will hopefully survive this.
Take care,
Hx
I really do feel for you. My turn is coming soon. My husband is due at Magustrates Court soon. I'm devastated all over again and terrified of trying to protect our child and myself from the consequences. I'm trying to figure out if I should move and to where. If my career will survive this or if I should try to start over and doing what?! This is hell. I've been chatting to others who are out the other end of this and they're doing okay now. I'm holding onto that- we will hopefully survive this.
Take care,
Hx