Triggers of anxiety after the knock
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Does anyone else have triggers that make them remember what they were doing around time of the knock?
Ours was last July. The day before we had been playing bowling and ice creams after, a really nice family day out. Little did we know our world was about to be turned upside down.The next day (Monday) the knock.
The knock was for our 16yr old son.
Its easter weekend so not working and kids asked to go bowling today but all I associate that with now is the happy day before the knock. I know probably sounds stupid but I know if we go bowling I won't sleep tonight because it will be on my mind.
Its hard enough as it is thinking of stuff to do with teenagers and this as made it million times worse.
Ours was last July. The day before we had been playing bowling and ice creams after, a really nice family day out. Little did we know our world was about to be turned upside down.The next day (Monday) the knock.
The knock was for our 16yr old son.
Its easter weekend so not working and kids asked to go bowling today but all I associate that with now is the happy day before the knock. I know probably sounds stupid but I know if we go bowling I won't sleep tonight because it will be on my mind.
Its hard enough as it is thinking of stuff to do with teenagers and this as made it million times worse.
Completely relatable.
We'd been on a family weekend to the coast for my person's birthday - a very challenging weekend as my relationship with my person was increasingly fraught. He was incredibly secretive and he kept disappearing for half an hour to 'get some headspace'.
The knock was actually attempted on his birthday while we were away, then carried out 2 days after we got back.
I don't want to go to the coast again. I don't like birthdays anymore. I'm relieved - immensely - that we don't have a ring type doorbell or we would have been alerted to police presence on my person's birthday, and lost a few carefree precious hours I had with the children eating ice cream while he was presumably off 'pleasing himself' back in the hotel room.
I'm dreading his birthday in 6 weeks. Plus the OIC is confident he'll have referred the case to the CPS by then.
We'd been on a family weekend to the coast for my person's birthday - a very challenging weekend as my relationship with my person was increasingly fraught. He was incredibly secretive and he kept disappearing for half an hour to 'get some headspace'.
The knock was actually attempted on his birthday while we were away, then carried out 2 days after we got back.
I don't want to go to the coast again. I don't like birthdays anymore. I'm relieved - immensely - that we don't have a ring type doorbell or we would have been alerted to police presence on my person's birthday, and lost a few carefree precious hours I had with the children eating ice cream while he was presumably off 'pleasing himself' back in the hotel room.
I'm dreading his birthday in 6 weeks. Plus the OIC is confident he'll have referred the case to the CPS by then.
Triggers for me have been actual knocks on the door, but almost 11 weeks in, that's easier now. I've also not liked seeing people we know when my idiot husband is with me, especially when they were at our wedding. All i keep thinking is how horrified they'd be and judgemental of why I'm trying to understand why he's done this. 2 weeks before all this happened I'd done something that brought me joy, so I link that to the last time I felt so happy. I did the same thing this weekend, and I was apprehensive about all the reminders, but it brought me joy again, so I can now seperate it from all of this nightmare. The only advise I have is to do the thing you think you can't. You don't want those situations/activities/places to be tainted and ruined by something that's not your fault. Why should they be ruined by our people's actions and choices? They've already taken things from us, why should they take more? The more of these situations you do/go to, the more you might be able to seperate them from your current situation and enjoy them again. Don't let our idiot people take our joy.
Yes, I was diagnosed with PTSD as a direct result of the first knock 8 years ago. I now have a diagnosis of C-PTSD as I've since gone through a second knock, became homeless and got involved in a nasty relationship trying to get away from it all. X
Ours was Vigilantes banging on ours and our neighbours doors - 8pm Good Friday 3 yrs ago - hate Easter weekend- hugely traumatised
Oh Winnie that's awful! I hope you've made it through Easter as best as you could.
I do not understand why vigilantes get away with their behaviour..there's just no need for it. By all means, share intel with the police if they have it, but banging on doors, filming, glory hunting? Absolutely not. It's very odd and concerning behaviour in itself. So sorry you experienced it.
Our knock came at the weekend, super early, and I really struggle with weekends now. The lack of structure doesn't help. I'm still jumpy when there's a knock at the door..if I'm upstairs and someone chatty knocks at the door my heart nearly jumps out of my chest. My partner answered, I was in bed asleep. Funny how quick your brain switches on isn't it? Who else would knock so early, come into the house and talk so loudly at 5am? I knew instantly it was police. But I had no idea why. I even assumed they had come in error, thought to myself on the way downstairs 'this will be a funny story!'. How wrong I was
The police were in our house for hours and hours. My memory is completely fractured. One officer was so apologetic, his words have completely stuck with me. He clearly knew our lives would never be the same again and he looked genuinely sorry for us. The others were much more matter of fact. I didn't realise at the time how the male officer seemed to get the enormity of it. Remembering his reaction when he realised it was my young son who they had come knocking for always brings me to tears. I think they were expecting an adult..my partner I guess.
We'd also just returned from holiday and I have almost no memory of the holiday - very odd.
I do not understand why vigilantes get away with their behaviour..there's just no need for it. By all means, share intel with the police if they have it, but banging on doors, filming, glory hunting? Absolutely not. It's very odd and concerning behaviour in itself. So sorry you experienced it.
Our knock came at the weekend, super early, and I really struggle with weekends now. The lack of structure doesn't help. I'm still jumpy when there's a knock at the door..if I'm upstairs and someone chatty knocks at the door my heart nearly jumps out of my chest. My partner answered, I was in bed asleep. Funny how quick your brain switches on isn't it? Who else would knock so early, come into the house and talk so loudly at 5am? I knew instantly it was police. But I had no idea why. I even assumed they had come in error, thought to myself on the way downstairs 'this will be a funny story!'. How wrong I was
The police were in our house for hours and hours. My memory is completely fractured. One officer was so apologetic, his words have completely stuck with me. He clearly knew our lives would never be the same again and he looked genuinely sorry for us. The others were much more matter of fact. I didn't realise at the time how the male officer seemed to get the enormity of it. Remembering his reaction when he realised it was my young son who they had come knocking for always brings me to tears. I think they were expecting an adult..my partner I guess.
We'd also just returned from holiday and I have almost no memory of the holiday - very odd.
Oh Starr , how utterly devastating for you - indeed for everyone!
Our only experience of the Police who we have come into contact with has been totally negative , except the lovely WPC who interviewed my Son. He has Autism and I was his Appropriate Adult. This is after his arrest being live-streamed on FB by the vile Vigilantes - Police actually let them do it and got lots of praise for allowing it by the clickbait mob. He then spent till next day in a Cell - I really have no words for the trauma
3 yrs later and still we wait for it to be over. Like someone else said, the only positive I can find is the feeling of it being over and trying to rebuild our lives again.
i know i need counselling but where do you turn for this sort of thing , who actually understands the complexity of the trauma of what happened and the role of his autism/learning difficulties
How is your Son doing now?
Our only experience of the Police who we have come into contact with has been totally negative , except the lovely WPC who interviewed my Son. He has Autism and I was his Appropriate Adult. This is after his arrest being live-streamed on FB by the vile Vigilantes - Police actually let them do it and got lots of praise for allowing it by the clickbait mob. He then spent till next day in a Cell - I really have no words for the trauma
3 yrs later and still we wait for it to be over. Like someone else said, the only positive I can find is the feeling of it being over and trying to rebuild our lives again.
i know i need counselling but where do you turn for this sort of thing , who actually understands the complexity of the trauma of what happened and the role of his autism/learning difficulties
How is your Son doing now?
Winnie07 - I would highly recommend looking into ActsFast for support for yourself. They offer counselling and have been brilliant in my case.
Thats horrible Winnie07.
Starr how old is your son? Mine was just turned 16 at time. Our experience with the OIC is little mixed but recently he's been very good and shown understanding whilst we wait for the devices back. I just wish we knew what it related to. On the day of the knock they questioned us all at home and was only my son who was arrested. Was the most traumatised experience, even now thought of him in a cell. I hate to think the lasting impact this is going to have.
We now warn my son if any parcels are being delivered. Because it's not only me jumping when there's a knock but he does too. On the day initially I thought they were here because of an accident or something with a family member.
We went out for day. Wasn't the best, some arguing between kids. My son would much rather stay at home these days. Goes to college, my parents and home. Try to encourage him to come to gym.
Hope everyone else's weekends been ok xx
Starr how old is your son? Mine was just turned 16 at time. Our experience with the OIC is little mixed but recently he's been very good and shown understanding whilst we wait for the devices back. I just wish we knew what it related to. On the day of the knock they questioned us all at home and was only my son who was arrested. Was the most traumatised experience, even now thought of him in a cell. I hate to think the lasting impact this is going to have.
We now warn my son if any parcels are being delivered. Because it's not only me jumping when there's a knock but he does too. On the day initially I thought they were here because of an accident or something with a family member.
We went out for day. Wasn't the best, some arguing between kids. My son would much rather stay at home these days. Goes to college, my parents and home. Try to encourage him to come to gym.
Hope everyone else's weekends been ok xx
For me its the fairly standard one of knocks at the door.
Though I did have an episode a few weeks back where I was at work in the city and spent the whole 12 hour shift driving back and forth past the crown court, and suffering horrendous anxiety wondering if we'll be finding ourselves there in a few months/years time.
Though I did have an episode a few weeks back where I was at work in the city and spent the whole 12 hour shift driving back and forth past the crown court, and suffering horrendous anxiety wondering if we'll be finding ourselves there in a few months/years time.
I've changed my cycle commute so I don't go past the crown court anymore.
For all my advice of not letting ourselves have our joy stolen, I've been triggered today too, the first time in a while, and it was the postman at the door. I was still in bed, around 9am, in my pj's, and answered the door without my glasses on, which is just how it happened when the police knocked at the door. My heart is pounding today and I'm on the edge of tears. I think I'd lulled myself into a false sense of security, as I've not felt like this for a while. I'm strangely relieved, as I was feeling my mood has been oddly upbeat, which i couldn't understand, considering my husband is now a sex offender and is most likely going to be convicted. Now that I feel rubbish today, I feel like I'm actually normal.
LisMargeMaggie - Usually driving that road doesn't bother me just that one day it got to me some reason.