How on earth do I move on
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Hi , this is not the club I ever thought I would find myself in it I am grateful for the Lucy Faithful Foundation for the assistance they provide. I'm shocked at the lack of support for families as we are not victims .
we received "the knock" on 5th March this year , 5 days after my mum passed away from a 2 year cancel batter which she sadly was not strong enough to fight . I honestly thought that I was in such a deep sleep that I was having a knightnare , sadly I still have not worked up . I'm so angry that I was unable to grieve for my mum and had to miss certain appointments with the funeral arranging.
My husband left for work at 6.30am as he had recently taken a job as a part time care taker at our sons primary school . The knock came at 6.45am . After he was arrested I immediately called my husbands 2 brothers and my best friend who works in child protection for Lincolnshire police . The whole day I had his back , we've known each other for about 20 years and have been together for 15 years and married for 11 . 5 years ago after several rounds of private IVF we became parents to our beautifully boy . Stuff like this doesn't happen to people like us or so I thought .
i miss my husband desperately , I've seen him twice since the arrest but have no intention of taking him back . I can't believe anything he tells me anymore . Social services have discharged us. Our little boy occasionally asks where daddy is but doesn't appear to missing daddy too much . I'm struggling to know what's best to do I terms of visit and access , he is a fantastic dad and our son has never been at harm. My husband has said if it will cause more harm than good then obviously as much as it's killing him he won't push to see his son .
So far the policie have found 6000 images , 1000 are Cat A and these date back to 1992/1993, I honestly had no idea he had a porn addiction which had turned to indecent child images . The police's have told me bail will be extended in June . I honestly can't get my head around this .
I've never felt so alone in all My life . My work have been fantastic and I've been off on compassionate leave full pay since end of Feb . I'm looking to start a phased return at the end of April to get a routine back and to engage in conversation other than my husband and my mums death .
I've been told it may take 4 years to get to sentencing. I've lost my mum and husband in the space of a week and everyone including his family have disowned him . I tired and exhausted and have felt every emotion under the sun . How do people carry on ?
I'm trying to get my husband and his parents to see that he needs to get his finances in order encase he is sent to prison , but he seems to think as it's a first offence and he will plead guilty and the prisons are full it will be suspended , I honestly think him and his parents are all in denial . My stupid husband says all he has done is view images and really doesn't seem to understand the seriousness of his illegal actions and his elderly parents aren't much better , they think he is an idiot and can't understand the reactions of the rest of the family and friends . How on earth can he be rehabilitated ? He said he is not a paedophile but a collector and the images he views are fansaty and he can distinguish between these and real life .
I am sorry for the long rambling post , it's my first and I'm so scared and frightened for the future. I have sought medical assistance for my mental health and I have PTSD.
we received "the knock" on 5th March this year , 5 days after my mum passed away from a 2 year cancel batter which she sadly was not strong enough to fight . I honestly thought that I was in such a deep sleep that I was having a knightnare , sadly I still have not worked up . I'm so angry that I was unable to grieve for my mum and had to miss certain appointments with the funeral arranging.
My husband left for work at 6.30am as he had recently taken a job as a part time care taker at our sons primary school . The knock came at 6.45am . After he was arrested I immediately called my husbands 2 brothers and my best friend who works in child protection for Lincolnshire police . The whole day I had his back , we've known each other for about 20 years and have been together for 15 years and married for 11 . 5 years ago after several rounds of private IVF we became parents to our beautifully boy . Stuff like this doesn't happen to people like us or so I thought .
i miss my husband desperately , I've seen him twice since the arrest but have no intention of taking him back . I can't believe anything he tells me anymore . Social services have discharged us. Our little boy occasionally asks where daddy is but doesn't appear to missing daddy too much . I'm struggling to know what's best to do I terms of visit and access , he is a fantastic dad and our son has never been at harm. My husband has said if it will cause more harm than good then obviously as much as it's killing him he won't push to see his son .
So far the policie have found 6000 images , 1000 are Cat A and these date back to 1992/1993, I honestly had no idea he had a porn addiction which had turned to indecent child images . The police's have told me bail will be extended in June . I honestly can't get my head around this .
I've never felt so alone in all My life . My work have been fantastic and I've been off on compassionate leave full pay since end of Feb . I'm looking to start a phased return at the end of April to get a routine back and to engage in conversation other than my husband and my mums death .
I've been told it may take 4 years to get to sentencing. I've lost my mum and husband in the space of a week and everyone including his family have disowned him . I tired and exhausted and have felt every emotion under the sun . How do people carry on ?
I'm trying to get my husband and his parents to see that he needs to get his finances in order encase he is sent to prison , but he seems to think as it's a first offence and he will plead guilty and the prisons are full it will be suspended , I honestly think him and his parents are all in denial . My stupid husband says all he has done is view images and really doesn't seem to understand the seriousness of his illegal actions and his elderly parents aren't much better , they think he is an idiot and can't understand the reactions of the rest of the family and friends . How on earth can he be rehabilitated ? He said he is not a paedophile but a collector and the images he views are fansaty and he can distinguish between these and real life .
I am sorry for the long rambling post , it's my first and I'm so scared and frightened for the future. I have sought medical assistance for my mental health and I have PTSD.
Hi, I'm so sorry you find yourself here. I'm going to send you a message. X
Hi Bellmoore, I'm so sorry you're here, but well done for posting. It takes bravery to write the words down of our unwanted situations. Have you spoken to anyone at the helpline? If not, I'd really recommend it. They can also tell you about the Inform course, which is 5 weeks long and aims to help a small group of us secondary victims understand why our people have done what they've done, the judicial system and more. I'm due to start mine tomorrow.
It must be so awful for you to have lost so much. Whenever you feel the need to talk, ask questions, rant please do. There's so much support for you on here. I'm glad you've already sought support for your mental health too xx
It must be so awful for you to have lost so much. Whenever you feel the need to talk, ask questions, rant please do. There's so much support for you on here. I'm glad you've already sought support for your mental health too xx
Of all the of the awful stories I've red on here, this one by far broke my heart the most. The thought of losing a parent and the knock on top. I take my hat off to you for finding even the tiniest bit of strength to carry on. You are amazing. My first bit of advice would be just to take day by day, eventually the days will get easier to handle and you will see glimpses of happiness. Those are tbe moments you cling too. When it comes to your husband, unfortunately as hard as it is to hear if he is seeing no wrong In what he has done, then there's not alot more you can do for him. When it comes to sentencing they will look at how remorseful he has been throughout the process so the fact he's denying anything wrong won't help in the long run. I have seen people on here who's person got a custodial for alot less, it all depends on the judge. My partner was extremely lucky and he got a suspended sentence but as I Said I know of people with alot less images than your husband, who's pre sentence report said that a suspended was sufficient enough and the judge still gave them a custodial. But none of this is for you to deal with, this is for him to face and him alone. Regarding contact with your son is it possible for a third party to supervise, family or friend. Until you are (if you ever are) ready to supervise? Don't push yourself to do anything you don't feel ready to do. I pray you find the strength you need to get you through this.