The limbo continues
Notifications OFF
The DSI involved with my husbands investigation called him today to say that he doesn't need to attend his first bail hearing as planned next week as they've applied for an extension. His devices haven't been looked at and it's likely that bail will be extended again after this next 3 month period is over. I know it's not long considering how many of you have been stuck in this limbo for years, but I don't quite know what to do with myself.
He's been so wound up about next weeks meeting. We had a talk and I let slip that I'd told 2 more of my closest friends (3 in total) and it's tipped him over the edge. I could see he was going to cry, but he went into his room and shut the door and didn't want to see me. So now I feel awful. Why am I the one that feels bad for upsetting him??!! I know he's fragile right now, but hello, so am I! He's the one that's been an absolute moron by downloading and looking at IIOC multiple times and brought my world crashing down!! He wants as few people to know as possible, I get that, and I hate seeing him in such distress, but I needed more support. When I told them, I hadn't intended to. They asked me how he was out of politeness, and I broke down as I couldn't keep up the facade. I'm sat in my car in a supermarket car park, not wanting to go in till he's replied to my message I just sent. I'm one for catastrophising so in my head all sorts is happening.
Just needed a rant! X
He's been so wound up about next weeks meeting. We had a talk and I let slip that I'd told 2 more of my closest friends (3 in total) and it's tipped him over the edge. I could see he was going to cry, but he went into his room and shut the door and didn't want to see me. So now I feel awful. Why am I the one that feels bad for upsetting him??!! I know he's fragile right now, but hello, so am I! He's the one that's been an absolute moron by downloading and looking at IIOC multiple times and brought my world crashing down!! He wants as few people to know as possible, I get that, and I hate seeing him in such distress, but I needed more support. When I told them, I hadn't intended to. They asked me how he was out of politeness, and I broke down as I couldn't keep up the facade. I'm sat in my car in a supermarket car park, not wanting to go in till he's replied to my message I just sent. I'm one for catastrophising so in my head all sorts is happening.
Just needed a rant! X
Poppet , thats such a tough situation for you . I totally resonate with how you feel . Feeling so angry but almost scared to say how you feel because of the guilt you'd feel if anything awful happened. We have feelings too and need an outlet for them. Talking is like therapy for me , it's nearly killed me only having confided in a couple of people. It feels like this dark secret I'm carrying around with me . Like living a split life .
i hope you're feeling better Poppet , you are not alone xx
i hope you're feeling better Poppet , you are not alone xx
hi poppet
first of all please don't let him make you feel guilty for something that he's done. I felt guilty after my OH reoffended and I blamed myself and even he put some of the blame onto me but at the end of the day, he's the one that in the wrong not you and you have to have somebody you can confide in because if you don't, it'll drive you mad sending you love and hugs x
first of all please don't let him make you feel guilty for something that he's done. I felt guilty after my OH reoffended and I blamed myself and even he put some of the blame onto me but at the end of the day, he's the one that in the wrong not you and you have to have somebody you can confide in because if you don't, it'll drive you mad sending you love and hugs x
Winnie and Stan Cat
Thanks so much for your replies, they helped a lot. He's been keeping a diary of sorts that he's happy for me to read. Its mostly what he's been doing day to day, as his already rubbish memory is now shocking. He's started to write some of how he feels, which for someone who's always been unable to open up is a big deal. I read it last night and just sobbed at reading how much worse he feels knowing that more of my friends, who he gets on very well with, know. He'd even written 'feeling at risk to myself', so you can imagine how I feel today. I'll just have to keep reminding myself that how he feels is not my doing and I'm not responsible for it. Its his own stupid fault and he's lucky I'm supporting him (for now)
Thanks so much for your replies, they helped a lot. He's been keeping a diary of sorts that he's happy for me to read. Its mostly what he's been doing day to day, as his already rubbish memory is now shocking. He's started to write some of how he feels, which for someone who's always been unable to open up is a big deal. I read it last night and just sobbed at reading how much worse he feels knowing that more of my friends, who he gets on very well with, know. He'd even written 'feeling at risk to myself', so you can imagine how I feel today. I'll just have to keep reminding myself that how he feels is not my doing and I'm not responsible for it. Its his own stupid fault and he's lucky I'm supporting him (for now)
Ultimately these are the completely inevitable and unsurprising consequences of his own choices. You have the right to seek support in the awful situation he's put you in.