Family and Friends Forum

Tired of the stares. Tired of the whispering when I enter a room. Tired of pretending everything is fine when inside it’s just not.
I'm tired of doing everything — every damn morning, every school run, every stupid packed lunch.
I'm tired of holding it all together because if I don't, it all falls apart and nobody else can step up. becuase it is just us now.

He can't be here. The vigalantes made sure of that. They made sure he is also alone. Hiding. Watching his shadow.

I feel like we are being punished before the punishment even begins.

We’re hanging by a thread, waiting for the next blow when court happens.
Waiting for the next humiliation.
Waiting for more people to pile on.
I want to scream. I want to hide. I want to quit.

But I can't.
Because the kids need their breakfast. And their clean uniforms. And someone to show up at the school gate with a smile plastered on.
So I keep moving. Even when it feels like dragging my own heart behind me.

This week at bedtime the children asked for me to tell them songs and stories about rainbows...and these lyrics gave me hope. as i hope they do to you as well.

Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare dream, really do come true.

Someday i'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clours are far behind me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops - that's where you'll find me.

Sending light as always.

Ashes x