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Hi,
How did everyone make the decision on whether to let their ex partners see their child?
It's been 10 days since the knock, still very fresh and raw and it's only the past couple of days my little boy (3 years old) has been asking to see his daddy. He told me he didn't want me and wanted to live with daddy.
All I have told him is that daddy doesn't live with us anymore and he has had to go and live somewhere else. As he is 3, he doesn't need to know anymore than that but I am really struggling with what would be the best for him.
He seems to have adjusted quite well to life at home without my partner, however I just don't feel I can not let my partner see his son for the rest of his life.
i know what he has done is absolutely horrific (possession of catergory A and C indecent images / videos of 12 year old girls, and sexual communication with 12 year old) and I resent him for that and I know there is no love for him from me anymore, but it doesn't change the fact that he is still his dad.
It is best for our little boy if I just continue with no contact in hope he forgets about his dad, or is supervised contact better for him?
If he eventually goes to prison, obviously he will not be seeing him and I will have to say he has had to move away again but before that happens, I really am stuck with what to do.
My family have been very supportive but not with this. They are saying the only way I can safeguard my little boy is not allowing any contact at all and they will never support me with the decision if I do allow contact.
Can someone say they have been in this situation with a young child and offer me support / advice please?
How did everyone make the decision on whether to let their ex partners see their child?
It's been 10 days since the knock, still very fresh and raw and it's only the past couple of days my little boy (3 years old) has been asking to see his daddy. He told me he didn't want me and wanted to live with daddy.
All I have told him is that daddy doesn't live with us anymore and he has had to go and live somewhere else. As he is 3, he doesn't need to know anymore than that but I am really struggling with what would be the best for him.
He seems to have adjusted quite well to life at home without my partner, however I just don't feel I can not let my partner see his son for the rest of his life.
i know what he has done is absolutely horrific (possession of catergory A and C indecent images / videos of 12 year old girls, and sexual communication with 12 year old) and I resent him for that and I know there is no love for him from me anymore, but it doesn't change the fact that he is still his dad.
It is best for our little boy if I just continue with no contact in hope he forgets about his dad, or is supervised contact better for him?
If he eventually goes to prison, obviously he will not be seeing him and I will have to say he has had to move away again but before that happens, I really am stuck with what to do.
My family have been very supportive but not with this. They are saying the only way I can safeguard my little boy is not allowing any contact at all and they will never support me with the decision if I do allow contact.
Can someone say they have been in this situation with a young child and offer me support / advice please?
We have done supervised contact for 3 years, no communication for my person with anybody but all of their offending was downloaded content.
Originally it was no contact but that seemed to make my child worse (6 at the time) so have settled with supervised out of the family home.
Our situation is different however as we are still in a relationship just not living together.
Only advice I can give is be selfish, don't think about your child's dad and what is best for them think about what is best for yourself and your child, if you feel your child would benefit from contact then maybe start slow with a couple hours a week and gradually build on that as and when you feel it's right.
Originally it was no contact but that seemed to make my child worse (6 at the time) so have settled with supervised out of the family home.
Our situation is different however as we are still in a relationship just not living together.
Only advice I can give is be selfish, don't think about your child's dad and what is best for them think about what is best for yourself and your child, if you feel your child would benefit from contact then maybe start slow with a couple hours a week and gradually build on that as and when you feel it's right.
Hi,
this isn't from lived experience because our daughter was born the week of sentencing so has never known her dad live with us.
I made the decision for supervised contact if he didn't get a custodial sentence. Something I would say as someone who has been on the forum for a fairly long time is that investigations can take years so looking ahead to if your ex gets a prison sentence may not be helpful right now. Your son could potentially be a lot older and there is so much that changes between 3 and 5 or older.
You know that you can safeguard your son from any risk posed by your ex so I think that it's weighing up the emotional impact on no contact or contact that has the possibility to be suspended if he gets a custodial. Try not to take on board too many opinions of family members it's all raw for them too. Something that has helped me when I wasn't in a relationship with my partner was having a level of contact that I was able to be consistent with. Set clear boundaries and expectations for contact if you decide to do that. At 3, your son will adjust to whatever you decide is the new normal. He's grieving too and doesn't understand so you will likely get some comments that make you feel shitty but that will likely happen whatever you decide to do because there are so many variables in this situation. Sending love and support xxx
this isn't from lived experience because our daughter was born the week of sentencing so has never known her dad live with us.
I made the decision for supervised contact if he didn't get a custodial sentence. Something I would say as someone who has been on the forum for a fairly long time is that investigations can take years so looking ahead to if your ex gets a prison sentence may not be helpful right now. Your son could potentially be a lot older and there is so much that changes between 3 and 5 or older.
You know that you can safeguard your son from any risk posed by your ex so I think that it's weighing up the emotional impact on no contact or contact that has the possibility to be suspended if he gets a custodial. Try not to take on board too many opinions of family members it's all raw for them too. Something that has helped me when I wasn't in a relationship with my partner was having a level of contact that I was able to be consistent with. Set clear boundaries and expectations for contact if you decide to do that. At 3, your son will adjust to whatever you decide is the new normal. He's grieving too and doesn't understand so you will likely get some comments that make you feel shitty but that will likely happen whatever you decide to do because there are so many variables in this situation. Sending love and support xxx
My eldest was very similar age to yours when I had the knock nearly 7 years ago.
i ended the relationship, but allowed supervised contact.
Everyone has their own opinions, but as long as I trusted the person doing the contact to stick to what was in place I felt okay as I could. My children have always came away happy and talk highly of their dad.. little do they know.
i ended the relationship, but allowed supervised contact.
Everyone has their own opinions, but as long as I trusted the person doing the contact to stick to what was in place I felt okay as I could. My children have always came away happy and talk highly of their dad.. little do they know.