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I'm so sorry you feel so bad right now. I'm sure many of us have felt the same emotions.
It's so hard to protect ourselves whilst we go through this - but protect we must.
I'm not sure what your situation is but for me I had to walk away.h mental health was so bad and when I thought about taking my own life I knew however hard it was going to be I would be better on my own.
I'm about to put the house on the market - not 100© sure I can afford to buy again but I'll cross that bridge.
I'm lucky that I've kept a lot ofy friends and my job. Took up new hobbies/volunteering and got once I'm now starting toook forwards instead of back.
Sending love x
It's so hard to protect ourselves whilst we go through this - but protect we must.
I'm not sure what your situation is but for me I had to walk away.h mental health was so bad and when I thought about taking my own life I knew however hard it was going to be I would be better on my own.
I'm about to put the house on the market - not 100© sure I can afford to buy again but I'll cross that bridge.
I'm lucky that I've kept a lot ofy friends and my job. Took up new hobbies/volunteering and got once I'm now starting toook forwards instead of back.
Sending love x
Starr I get consumed with fury too. Not just at the situation I find myself - in effect I'm single parent to two beautiful children who didn't deserve this, crippled by anxiety for the future, loss of my hopes for how my life would turn out - but also fury at loss of my past.
I told my husband last week that it feels as though I'd been holding a balloon for the past 22 years until I suddenly realised it's just a cardboard cutout of a picture of a balloon. Such a feeling of being short-changed, swindled, gaslit and strung along.
He was addicted to online sex chats since his teenage years and the advent of apps like Snapchat just amplified everything. I'd been giving my heart and soul to the marriage, though increasingly baffled and frightened by how distant, unavailable and unpleasant he was. My performance at work deteriorated for the 2 years preceding the knock and now I don't feel I'll ever progress beyond 'chugging along'.
As I face news of imminent charges, due in the next 5 weeks according to OIC, I ask myself: how do I let it not define me and my daughters?
it came to me yesterday: not my circus, not my monkeys. Easier said than done, but this is his sh1tshow not mine or my daughters'. We may be facing a financially precarious next 10 years as I try to hang onto the house so the girls have stability, but i won't allow him to move back home and I won't keep rescuing him.
I find boundaries very hard (awful childhood domestic violence) but with practice they are doable and they help me keep myself safe.
I would suggest physical space, if you can achieve it. Then you can think about what you want your new life to look like, after this circus is over. Sending so much love x
I told my husband last week that it feels as though I'd been holding a balloon for the past 22 years until I suddenly realised it's just a cardboard cutout of a picture of a balloon. Such a feeling of being short-changed, swindled, gaslit and strung along.
He was addicted to online sex chats since his teenage years and the advent of apps like Snapchat just amplified everything. I'd been giving my heart and soul to the marriage, though increasingly baffled and frightened by how distant, unavailable and unpleasant he was. My performance at work deteriorated for the 2 years preceding the knock and now I don't feel I'll ever progress beyond 'chugging along'.
As I face news of imminent charges, due in the next 5 weeks according to OIC, I ask myself: how do I let it not define me and my daughters?
it came to me yesterday: not my circus, not my monkeys. Easier said than done, but this is his sh1tshow not mine or my daughters'. We may be facing a financially precarious next 10 years as I try to hang onto the house so the girls have stability, but i won't allow him to move back home and I won't keep rescuing him.
I find boundaries very hard (awful childhood domestic violence) but with practice they are doable and they help me keep myself safe.
I would suggest physical space, if you can achieve it. Then you can think about what you want your new life to look like, after this circus is over. Sending so much love x
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Hi I am also here because of my son, I totally understand how you feel.
Every day is different in my feelings towards him. I feel sad for him but also angry in what he has done and also how it has effected his family.
Also same as you I have questioned certain things about how he was raised and how I didn't know this was going on. But he would be the last person I would think would do something like this, we have had conversations since all this but it's not easy at all is it.
Keep your chin up
Every day is different in my feelings towards him. I feel sad for him but also angry in what he has done and also how it has effected his family.
Also same as you I have questioned certain things about how he was raised and how I didn't know this was going on. But he would be the last person I would think would do something like this, we have had conversations since all this but it's not easy at all is it.
Keep your chin up
Starr apologies. This thread makes me realise how different the experience of the parent is, from that of the partner. I appreciate this is very much your 'circus' and your 'monkey' and my comments must seem somewhat callous / flippant.
sending hugs xxx
sending hugs xxx
I'm also here because of my.son, I pretty much could of written this post.
I love my son so much, I'd never ever thought we would be in a position like this, its what happens to others, not us. But I could never and would never allow him to go through this journey all alone, it is something that has never crossed my mind. Doesn't stop me being angry at him for thrusting us here though but I hope that is a normal feeling.
I know I shouldn't but cannot help but grieve our 'perfect' lifestyle prior to the knock, every morning i wake and I am already angry for no reason, I'm such a positive lady that all these negative feelings are starting to have an impact on me.
I'm so hoping that when court is concluded, could be quite a while yet, that I'll start feeling a sense of relief and we can then all settle down into our new normal.
Sending lots of love and hugs your way x x
I love my son so much, I'd never ever thought we would be in a position like this, its what happens to others, not us. But I could never and would never allow him to go through this journey all alone, it is something that has never crossed my mind. Doesn't stop me being angry at him for thrusting us here though but I hope that is a normal feeling.
I know I shouldn't but cannot help but grieve our 'perfect' lifestyle prior to the knock, every morning i wake and I am already angry for no reason, I'm such a positive lady that all these negative feelings are starting to have an impact on me.
I'm so hoping that when court is concluded, could be quite a while yet, that I'll start feeling a sense of relief and we can then all settle down into our new normal.
Sending lots of love and hugs your way x x
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Mummy to lots, and Dreaming - I'm sorry you feel similarly. it's horrible x x
Hello Starr
Sadly, It is not uncommon at all for you to feel this way.
The trauma of what you have been through together with very little (or none at all) control of the stages that are ahead make no two days the same as to how you are feeling. I feel its the unpredicability (and long waiting times) which prolongs our recovery of being able to cope and instead we become overwhelmed and consumed by it all.
Just a thought, do you have someone professionally supporting you? If not it may be worth thinking about.
Your wellbeing is important so try and make some time for yourself everyday for your self-care.
Thinking of you x
Sadly, It is not uncommon at all for you to feel this way.
The trauma of what you have been through together with very little (or none at all) control of the stages that are ahead make no two days the same as to how you are feeling. I feel its the unpredicability (and long waiting times) which prolongs our recovery of being able to cope and instead we become overwhelmed and consumed by it all.
Just a thought, do you have someone professionally supporting you? If not it may be worth thinking about.
Your wellbeing is important so try and make some time for yourself everyday for your self-care.
Thinking of you x
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Starr - I totally understand where you are coming from. My son was 23 at the time , now 26 and still we wait in limbo , the uncertainty and worry is crippling. I've had some sort of breakdown over it all . He has Autism and currently awaiting for a 'fitness to plead' assessment. I'm heartbroken !
who do we turn to for support who really understands, other than on here ?
who do we turn to for support who really understands, other than on here ?
Oh the anger! I remember it well. If I let someone out when I was driving and they didn't thank me, I would scream expletives - not at them, just in the confines of my car. I would explode at the slightest thing; looking back I think I had a bit of a breakdown but I was still walking/talking/functioning perfectly on the outside.
This was four years ago and Starr, I promise you it does get MUCH better. I can't pretend that the lions don't still prowl and I still blame myself for my son's actions but, on my better days, I know that I gave him a loving and secure upbringing. He had a good education and we're a close family; somehow I failed to save him from something that I didn't really know existed - and on bad days I blame myself totally for that. But the anger has gone and, in an odd way, I prefer the version of me that is left - I have no tolerance for others' whining and self-pity any more and I've lost my tendency to be a people-pleaser. No time for bull**** any more!
You have to carve out the nice things for yourself - the things that nourish your soul and bring you peace (of sorts).
Sending hugs xx
This was four years ago and Starr, I promise you it does get MUCH better. I can't pretend that the lions don't still prowl and I still blame myself for my son's actions but, on my better days, I know that I gave him a loving and secure upbringing. He had a good education and we're a close family; somehow I failed to save him from something that I didn't really know existed - and on bad days I blame myself totally for that. But the anger has gone and, in an odd way, I prefer the version of me that is left - I have no tolerance for others' whining and self-pity any more and I've lost my tendency to be a people-pleaser. No time for bull**** any more!
You have to carve out the nice things for yourself - the things that nourish your soul and bring you peace (of sorts).
Sending hugs xx
Hi Starr,
I really feel for you. Why have you lost all friends, family and career?
Hugs xx
I really feel for you. Why have you lost all friends, family and career?
Hugs xx
I've lost everything too. Because of a recent call to the Police wanting information about my ex, I'm too scared to even leave home, let alone have a life.