Family and Friends Forum

How old is he? Teenagers are difficult at the best of times.

Maybe he is depressed? Has he been to GP?

Teenagers can be very stubborn.

Starr, I've messaged x

Starr, I could have wrote this myself!

My son is 21, so older, but emotionally like a teenager, but he is behaving in exactly the same way and it is so frustrating.

Our knock was at the beginning of the year and he was a little upset and shocked, but now doesn't want to talk, engage, seek support.... nothing.

I think he is in denial and your son probably is too, it is so hard to understand how this has happened. If this behaviour happened face to face, there perhaps wouldn't be any problems, but online changes everything and I truly believe that my son had no idea of the consequences of his behaviour. But there seems to be no warnings, no guidance, just straight in criminal charges and long term consequences that didn't enter his head.

I think that he believes or is desperately hoping that nothing will come of it all, his girlfriend is at the moment sticking around, but that actually makes it worse as she isn't aware either of what could and probably will happen and so almost leading a double life.

Very very hard, I sadly don't have any advice but I can offer you an ear and empathy. I hope he turns a corner soon.

Xx

Wanderer and Starr - I can fully relate to your experiences. There doesn't seem to be anywhere for us to turn to for advice, help etc... because of the stigma attached, it's also extremely difficult to share with people, even family.

my autistic Son was 23 , now 26 and are approaching the final stages which will be a relief . Whatever happens we are resigned . He has been told he must plead guilty but like yourselves, I don't deny what happened but I also don't believe for one minute that he even knew he was committing a criminal act or indeed the consequences. I feel very saddened and angry that he will be on the SOR and classed as such but he (and we) are just being swept along in a system whereby cannot get our questions answered or have anywhere to turn for support.

I expect many many people will just plead Guilty to reduce the sentence and to just get it over with more quickly because they can't face being in limbo any longer.

My son is acting the same as before, focussing on studying for his GCSEs, engaging, polite, eveyone thinks he is the perfect teenager!! This however is unnerving to me...is he burying his head in the sand...I really fear what is to come. Thinking of you xx

I'm a mum but of a much older offender who has always found it hard to show or express feelings and by his own admission finds empathy tricky. We do wonder if he is on the ASD spectrum.

I just wanted to repeat something I read recently although I'm blowed if i can remember where to quote it accurately, but it was to do with remorse and said that a sentence can't be influenced by whether someone shows remorse or not as this is such a subjective thing eg someone might cry buckets in the dock but it doesn't mean they are remorseful, they might just cry easily or be scared of the process and near the edge. Similarly someone who holds it all together and appears unmoved and stoic could have all kinds of emotions going on internally. When we hear that someone has shown no remorse and the judge has thrown the book at them it would have been from assessments and their obvious language about what they are accused of doing. That gave me a tiny bit of comfort.

Also you have a chance to paint a true picture of your son via a character reference for the judge, where you can describe him growing up and outside of what has brought them to court. Of course it would be important not to make it sound as if you're making excuses but it is a chance to show that they are more than what they have been arrested for.

Hi, my son was sentenced last month. Initially pleaded not guilty. The entire situation was put in a box until the trail loomed ever closer and a barrister was appointed. When they advised him there was always a real possibility of prison, he s&@t himself and I knew that was never going to be an option. He had seen, read and heard too much about prison life that it terrified him.

So a change of plea was entered. A further court date was necessary to complete this. As the date of sentencing drew closer he still said little about the matter and refused to acknowledge we needed to organise the prison bag!

However, I can say since leaving he has made steps I never thought would be possible! He has got himself a job in construction, unemployed prior to sentencing, and resumed activities outside of the house.

He is going to complete an NVQ to support him and expand his options.

we have never really spoken about the whys and after trying many times I accepted this wasn't going to happen and only caused an argument between us, however I know conversations with probation are addressing behaviours etc

This isn't the end for you son, simply a new beginning x