Frustrated and confused
Notifications OFF
I am having a tough morning - my son has his band concert tonight where he has a speaking part. My OH wants to come which as of right now he has no technical restrictions on doing so. However, our entire town knows he was arrested for possesion. He also created AI images of one of our friends daughter where they were notified. They will be at this concert. I told my OH he cant come and its a bad idea and it doesnt really seem fair to the family that he would show up to this event. He is upset and thinks I am wrong and giving me a major Guilt trip! Am I crazy for telling him no?! This is his fault he did this not me and I dont think its right for him to put me in the position to be uncomfortable or worst case scenario getting into a fight with this family for the whole town to see including my children. I am so angry this is my life. It isnt fair that I need to be the "bad guy" now and tell him no. I hate that i feel guilty about this I want to just NOT care about his feelings but it tourments me. It makes me feel like he hasnt learned his lesson or truly understanding the gravity of this situation. I know if someone made images of my child whether fake or real I would never want to see that person and if I did I wouldnt be able to stay calm. I know my son wants him at the concert but it really feels like the wrong decision.
Hi, I hear you and you are right. Not only did your person break the law, he did it in spectacular fashion! It sounds to me like he hasn't taken responsibility for his actions and/or he doesn't understand the harm he's done not only to you, but also to that completely innocent family. If I were that family, I'd be FUMING to find him at such an event. He is extremely fortunate to have you still at his side because if it were me, I'm afraid I'd have left (not judging). I worry that given his cavalier attitude, he may well repeat his offending. I'm so sorry you're in this position. It's incredibly hard and unfair. Maybe show him what you've said here and the replies? But obviously only if it's safe for you to do so. X
You are absolutely not crazy for saying no. And you shouldn't feel guilty either. You're saying no for many reasons - to prevent any kind of confrontation and protect you and your son from that. To protect the other family involved. And to protect your OH. When tell my husband I don't want him around in certain situations, I feel guilty too. Its because we care and even though our feelings have been trampled on, we don't want to cause them any more upset on top of what they're already going through. X
Today is about your son and his band. I think your OH going would overshadow that so if it was me in your shoes, I would respectfully request that he absolutely does not attend.
Then I would have a serious conversation with him about what taking responsibility looks like, the impact of his actions on others (his own family included) - and on the potential ramifications for your family. It does seem as though he's minimised his actions somewhat and whilst that is understandable from a psychological/self preservation perspective, it will not help him in the long run.
I hope he sees sense fast and allows you and your son to enjoy the evening without him.
Thinking of you x
Then I would have a serious conversation with him about what taking responsibility looks like, the impact of his actions on others (his own family included) - and on the potential ramifications for your family. It does seem as though he's minimised his actions somewhat and whilst that is understandable from a psychological/self preservation perspective, it will not help him in the long run.
I hope he sees sense fast and allows you and your son to enjoy the evening without him.
Thinking of you x
I did leave him, he has moved out and we are currently working on the divorce - I cant be with someone like this. I do however let him in the childrens lives as they do love him very much so he comes to my house so I can be there when he visits with them.
He has taken responsibility for his actions and has been very remoreseful. I think he is panicking bc he realizes he will likely never be able to see his children do anything. He planned on attending the concern standing in the back and leave before it ended so no one sees him. However it just makes me very uncomfortable and would make me feel absolutely bad about myself knowing he was there while the other family was there. I hate that i even care about his feelings im working on it so i dont keep getting myself worked up. Its hard!
He has taken responsibility for his actions and has been very remoreseful. I think he is panicking bc he realizes he will likely never be able to see his children do anything. He planned on attending the concern standing in the back and leave before it ended so no one sees him. However it just makes me very uncomfortable and would make me feel absolutely bad about myself knowing he was there while the other family was there. I hate that i even care about his feelings im working on it so i dont keep getting myself worked up. Its hard!
Unfortunately there has to be a consequence to his actions as hard as they may be today Is about your son, my oh hasnt been to any school things since the media and he now accepts that is a consequence to the actions
You absolutely aren't being unreasonable, especially given the presence of someone he offended against - she & her family are entitled to live their lives free of him.
Thank you all for your support. It seems so unfair to my son and to me. Was just having an emotional morning. He has since apologized for pushing it and understands. Unfortunately it is his consequence I just hate that those consequences have such an impact on my kids who did nothing to deserve this life. So many layers to the upset and sadness of this. It helps to have all you ladies to be able to validate me when Im feeling that im going to lose my mind! Even when I know I am in the right it still gets so confusing.
no I think you're absolutely right for him not to go. He's already caused you and your family enough pain and heart take it's almost like stirring the pan stick to your guns at the end of the day it's him that's in the wrong and he has got to learn that what he has done is wrong Good luck, xx