Completely lost about what to do
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My husband was arrested yesterday morning. He has admitted to the police that he downloaded some material, but says that it was accidental and he deleted it immediately.
I don't know what to do now. I feel like divorce is inevitable. I'm just about to turn 30, we don't have kids. Even if he is telling the truth, I've been told by the helpline that he would still be guilty of a crime for not reporting it. I called the police officer who gave me her number at the time of the arrest and she said it wasn't that simple.
If it was truly an accident and there won't be a conviction, I don't want to throw away my marriage for no reason. But, from what I understand, they wouldn't have arrested him without good reason. I see lots of people support their spouse through this process, but I don't want to give up having a normal life. I might want children in the future, and this wouldn't be possible if he is convicted of this. We're both men, so would have to adopt.
I feel like my husband has given up his chance to have a normal life by making such bad choices. I don't see why I should have to give up mine. I have nobody to talk to about this, as I can't bring myself to tell anyone.
I go from feeling so lost and sad, crying for hours to feeling angry and hurt, to feeling numb. The numbness is the worst.
While he continues to insist that he is innocent, I don't know how to say that I think our relationship is over. He is so calm about it all, but I feel like my whole life has fallen apart.
I don't feel like I can wait six/12/18 months for an answer.
I don't know what to do now. I feel like divorce is inevitable. I'm just about to turn 30, we don't have kids. Even if he is telling the truth, I've been told by the helpline that he would still be guilty of a crime for not reporting it. I called the police officer who gave me her number at the time of the arrest and she said it wasn't that simple.
If it was truly an accident and there won't be a conviction, I don't want to throw away my marriage for no reason. But, from what I understand, they wouldn't have arrested him without good reason. I see lots of people support their spouse through this process, but I don't want to give up having a normal life. I might want children in the future, and this wouldn't be possible if he is convicted of this. We're both men, so would have to adopt.
I feel like my husband has given up his chance to have a normal life by making such bad choices. I don't see why I should have to give up mine. I have nobody to talk to about this, as I can't bring myself to tell anyone.
I go from feeling so lost and sad, crying for hours to feeling angry and hurt, to feeling numb. The numbness is the worst.
While he continues to insist that he is innocent, I don't know how to say that I think our relationship is over. He is so calm about it all, but I feel like my whole life has fallen apart.
I don't feel like I can wait six/12/18 months for an answer.
Just seen this forum is more for stuff to do with children and SS. This might have been the wrong subforum, I'll repost elsewhere.
Hi there, I think your post is fine in this section, much of your worry for the future surrounds your chance at a normal family life so it's understandable that you are worried. Has your partner opened up to you about why he was online and what material he was seeking? This may be an opportunity for him to seek help if he has an addiction, get some counselling and really get to the bottom of his actions. I don't think you can make decision at this early stage, you may need to remain supportive and open minded until the evidence is presented to you or your partner reveals the truth to you.
personally as I have children and my husband was eventually convicted of possession of images in all categories I have no chance of going back to how things were. But I have supported him to get help and make the best of his life. Now I am thinking about myself and my own needs, and for me that means moving on without him as my partner. And it's still a decision that I struggle with even though I've made up my mind!
please keep us updated and ask any questions you have, we are truly sorry you have had to join us and I really hope it's a silly mistake and you can move on with your lives x
personally as I have children and my husband was eventually convicted of possession of images in all categories I have no chance of going back to how things were. But I have supported him to get help and make the best of his life. Now I am thinking about myself and my own needs, and for me that means moving on without him as my partner. And it's still a decision that I struggle with even though I've made up my mind!
please keep us updated and ask any questions you have, we are truly sorry you have had to join us and I really hope it's a silly mistake and you can move on with your lives x
Hi Adrift
sorry you have found yourself here this happened to me last August and my Husband said exactly the same he had come across child images by accident and had stopped after viewing three or four photos. It was accidental and he deleted straight away and.he cleaned his computer.
I was willing to stand by him if he was telling the truth and supper as much as I could however Social Care was involved because we had a 13 year old Social Care came in hard and strong and gave my Husband not one bit of respect throughout Yes child images are wrong and children have been abused in order to make that photo even if it's only one
My Husband killed himself in October since his death I have found evidence myself to suggest he had a long long addiction to porn and I feel he came across the images he viewed not by accident but through a growing need for more porn within this addiction I had been with him 19 years and had no idea he had an addiction or even interest in porn This however was something he could have been supported and helped with it would have never warranted a death sentence
My advice would be wait and see what happens, don't make any rash decisions yet your Husband needs to know he is supported Find out his truth if you can and get him the help he needs if he needs it Make your decisions slowly the whole process takes so long you have time to talk and discuss before making any future decisions
wishing you the best of luck and I hope you get this sorted out xxx
sorry you have found yourself here this happened to me last August and my Husband said exactly the same he had come across child images by accident and had stopped after viewing three or four photos. It was accidental and he deleted straight away and.he cleaned his computer.
I was willing to stand by him if he was telling the truth and supper as much as I could however Social Care was involved because we had a 13 year old Social Care came in hard and strong and gave my Husband not one bit of respect throughout Yes child images are wrong and children have been abused in order to make that photo even if it's only one
My Husband killed himself in October since his death I have found evidence myself to suggest he had a long long addiction to porn and I feel he came across the images he viewed not by accident but through a growing need for more porn within this addiction I had been with him 19 years and had no idea he had an addiction or even interest in porn This however was something he could have been supported and helped with it would have never warranted a death sentence
My advice would be wait and see what happens, don't make any rash decisions yet your Husband needs to know he is supported Find out his truth if you can and get him the help he needs if he needs it Make your decisions slowly the whole process takes so long you have time to talk and discuss before making any future decisions
wishing you the best of luck and I hope you get this sorted out xxx