Advice Please :,)
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Had our review conference today, we have stayed on CPP for at least another 3 months. My husband is due sentencing at end of the month for "making cat A B and C images.
i made it clear to the chair today that we want to manage safety plans within the home so my husband can live back here, I am in process of setting up cameras within the home and she seemed to look impressed by that idea, she was like oh how can you supervise your son over night and 24/7? I said this and her response was something along the lines of "keep thinking, keep coming up with ideas for the next conference after court and risk assessments are done and we can make a plan"
what is it the social are wanting to hear in terms of making the home protective enough to have my husband home again!?
I've mentioned all personal care going forward will completed by me, cameras active at all time with motion detection, bedroom door sensor so phone will go off any time my sons bedroom door is opened overnight, also mentioned internet security, changing passwords. Apps that allow me to see my husbands activity, having a large support network and a list of safe places we can go in an emergency... I have done research on signs of abuse, how to react, covered grooming and manipulation and even completed a couple of safeguarding courses. I'm just wondering if anybody who now has their partner home can give me advice on what else I can do to show I'm protecting my little boy,
Thankyou!! :,)
i made it clear to the chair today that we want to manage safety plans within the home so my husband can live back here, I am in process of setting up cameras within the home and she seemed to look impressed by that idea, she was like oh how can you supervise your son over night and 24/7? I said this and her response was something along the lines of "keep thinking, keep coming up with ideas for the next conference after court and risk assessments are done and we can make a plan"
what is it the social are wanting to hear in terms of making the home protective enough to have my husband home again!?
I've mentioned all personal care going forward will completed by me, cameras active at all time with motion detection, bedroom door sensor so phone will go off any time my sons bedroom door is opened overnight, also mentioned internet security, changing passwords. Apps that allow me to see my husbands activity, having a large support network and a list of safe places we can go in an emergency... I have done research on signs of abuse, how to react, covered grooming and manipulation and even completed a couple of safeguarding courses. I'm just wondering if anybody who now has their partner home can give me advice on what else I can do to show I'm protecting my little boy,
Thankyou!! :,)
How old is your son? My daughter is 4, I'll give you a list of things on our plan. We are doing a phased return to the home and gradual unsupervised and are closed to ss with a plan of how to manage the transition. We do not need to go back to them at all now. It's almost 5 years since the knock.
All personal care to be done by me.
I've detailed what my daughter currently knows about privacy and the pants work I've done with her. How I will build on this in an age appropriate way.
Our network of trusted adults who know the situation and can provide support to daughter if she has questions or concerns- older siblings, grandparents and teachers.
If she wakes in the night I go to her and I have spare bedding in her room if she needs me close, she doesn't co sleep in my room if dad is here.
Monitoring apps once police software is uninstalled at the end of his SHPO. Until that point the software they have on devices is sufficient. It's also important to reiterate that you know the reporting process if anything is flagged and that he will be asked to leave the home.
Plans for if she has friends over, 100% supervised and we have decided he will stay elsewhere if they are sleeping over.
Meetings with safeguarding lead at school regularly to monitor how daughter is coping with dad staying more.
I'm an incredibly light sleeper so I didn't feel the need to install cameras and ss never suggested it but we do have rules in place of knocking before entering bedrooms, bathroom door closed when in use and everyone to be appropriately dressed when moving around the house.
I hope this helps and that you're able to get things moving at the next meeting xxx
All personal care to be done by me.
I've detailed what my daughter currently knows about privacy and the pants work I've done with her. How I will build on this in an age appropriate way.
Our network of trusted adults who know the situation and can provide support to daughter if she has questions or concerns- older siblings, grandparents and teachers.
If she wakes in the night I go to her and I have spare bedding in her room if she needs me close, she doesn't co sleep in my room if dad is here.
Monitoring apps once police software is uninstalled at the end of his SHPO. Until that point the software they have on devices is sufficient. It's also important to reiterate that you know the reporting process if anything is flagged and that he will be asked to leave the home.
Plans for if she has friends over, 100% supervised and we have decided he will stay elsewhere if they are sleeping over.
Meetings with safeguarding lead at school regularly to monitor how daughter is coping with dad staying more.
I'm an incredibly light sleeper so I didn't feel the need to install cameras and ss never suggested it but we do have rules in place of knocking before entering bedrooms, bathroom door closed when in use and everyone to be appropriately dressed when moving around the house.
I hope this helps and that you're able to get things moving at the next meeting xxx
Thankyou so much
ahhh yeah I didn't think of that with the police software but I'll bare that in mind for the future
he is only 9 months at moment but I've already told them I will explain in age appropriate ways about boundaries and understanding when to say no etc.
I've also mentioned about not sleeping in same room and that I'll sleep with him as long as needed
also looking currently into door latches that ping to my phone whenever the door has been opened to my sons room, which I think will be good at night
with court process not being over yet seems they don't want to budge or reassure me or anything....even comments like I'd of not stayed if I was you but people don't know our relationships like we do it's all black and white to them....he's really trying so hard and they're just shutting him down
chair lady has said she thinks he should do an independent assessment if he's so set on getting home but they're so expensive ????
ahhh yeah I didn't think of that with the police software but I'll bare that in mind for the future
he is only 9 months at moment but I've already told them I will explain in age appropriate ways about boundaries and understanding when to say no etc.
I've also mentioned about not sleeping in same room and that I'll sleep with him as long as needed
also looking currently into door latches that ping to my phone whenever the door has been opened to my sons room, which I think will be good at night
with court process not being over yet seems they don't want to budge or reassure me or anything....even comments like I'd of not stayed if I was you but people don't know our relationships like we do it's all black and white to them....he's really trying so hard and they're just shutting him down
chair lady has said she thinks he should do an independent assessment if he's so set on getting home but they're so expensive ????
I left, I couldn't see that there would be any other reason than attraction that would bring a man into this situation.
It's only through researching how to safely manage contact that I became open to the possibility that it's not always the case and maybe rehabilitation is possible if there are so many professionals and organisations such as LFF who believe in rehabilitation.
Look around at independent risk assessments, get some information and quotes. Find someone who feels like a good fit. LFF do them and Circles south east. Don't book anything in yet because ss will likely want to add their own questions in. I'd also write up a list of things you want to be covered in the assessment. I'd suggest it would be helpful to know if he poses a risk to his own child, the risk posed of contact offending and the risk of reoffending with iioc.
I hope everything goes well for sentencing. Something that has just come to me while writing about sentencing is to remind you that his SHPO should be inline with the offence so online restrictions only. His solicitor should push back on any contact restrictions (these would make it difficult to get ss to agree to him coming home) xxx
It's only through researching how to safely manage contact that I became open to the possibility that it's not always the case and maybe rehabilitation is possible if there are so many professionals and organisations such as LFF who believe in rehabilitation.
Look around at independent risk assessments, get some information and quotes. Find someone who feels like a good fit. LFF do them and Circles south east. Don't book anything in yet because ss will likely want to add their own questions in. I'd also write up a list of things you want to be covered in the assessment. I'd suggest it would be helpful to know if he poses a risk to his own child, the risk posed of contact offending and the risk of reoffending with iioc.
I hope everything goes well for sentencing. Something that has just come to me while writing about sentencing is to remind you that his SHPO should be inline with the offence so online restrictions only. His solicitor should push back on any contact restrictions (these would make it difficult to get ss to agree to him coming home) xxx
I know your keen for the safety plan to be managed in the family home but I wouldn't push to much for this
From experience I've found they try to then say your prioritising the relationship rather then the child
We are a year in on CPP
Sentencing was last month and he's been living outside of the family home for a year
He's only allowed contact with our son in the community but it will move to the family home and then he will be allowed to move back in
There are no restrictions or conditions actually stopping him from moving back in we've just chosen to work with SS and agree with what they want
On our safety plan we've got the similar to you
All Personal care done by myself
I've also got cameras up although my son co sleeps with me
All computer access to be done in the living room
I also put my own plan together on what I would do if I had concerns e.g who id contact, where I would go
From experience I've found they try to then say your prioritising the relationship rather then the child
We are a year in on CPP
Sentencing was last month and he's been living outside of the family home for a year
He's only allowed contact with our son in the community but it will move to the family home and then he will be allowed to move back in
There are no restrictions or conditions actually stopping him from moving back in we've just chosen to work with SS and agree with what they want
On our safety plan we've got the similar to you
All Personal care done by myself
I've also got cameras up although my son co sleeps with me
All computer access to be done in the living room
I also put my own plan together on what I would do if I had concerns e.g who id contact, where I would go