Charge(s) any day now
Notifications OFF
My husband's devices have all been reviewed and the file was sent to the CPS 10 days ago. OIC seems to have been a straight shooter with me, he has given realistic timeframes and been candid about what's been found on the devices.
He is recommending a single charge of attempted communication as my husband was caught by a police decoy.
Has anyone had CPS go further than what the OIC has advised?
It looks like we'll be all done by Christmas.
I think my husband is frankly getting off lightly and is extremely lucky. He has also been very honest with me, since the knock, and set out how he's spent our entire 22 year relationship addicted to porn and online messaging, which has increased to a fever pitch in the 6 months leading to the knock.
I was relieved to hear the OIC found a huge amount of (legal) pornography and messaging on all devices, as it confirmed my husband hadn't covered his tracks, deleted anything or hidden anything from the police in anticipation (he's very tech savvy so this has been a huge fear of mine)
We are separated since the knock, and though I have no urge to push for divorce yet I know there will never be any romantic or intimate relationship with him, or anyone else, after what my violent father and then duplicitous husband put me through.
He is recommending a single charge of attempted communication as my husband was caught by a police decoy.
Has anyone had CPS go further than what the OIC has advised?
It looks like we'll be all done by Christmas.
I think my husband is frankly getting off lightly and is extremely lucky. He has also been very honest with me, since the knock, and set out how he's spent our entire 22 year relationship addicted to porn and online messaging, which has increased to a fever pitch in the 6 months leading to the knock.
I was relieved to hear the OIC found a huge amount of (legal) pornography and messaging on all devices, as it confirmed my husband hadn't covered his tracks, deleted anything or hidden anything from the police in anticipation (he's very tech savvy so this has been a huge fear of mine)
We are separated since the knock, and though I have no urge to push for divorce yet I know there will never be any romantic or intimate relationship with him, or anyone else, after what my violent father and then duplicitous husband put me through.
Ours were exactly what was found nothing extra. Although I was hoping for the wider family's sake they were wrong about the ages on the images as it was in the older age bracket of "anywhere between 15-21"(but still completely illegal and morally wrong). I think they have to be pretty confident with solid evidence as they don't want cps to throw it out (or court) after all the waiting.its too big of a waste of everyone's time if they get it wrong. I think it's more likely that it would be the same or lesser charges I know some people who post on the forum have been charged with communication or enticing and it's dropped to things like indecent publication and some image offences changed to voyeurism (if that's how you spell it) but I think that's more rare.
I hope the waiting isn't too horiffic for you and there are no nasty surprises. You're doing brilliant and have made it so far; this is the point where you have a better idea of what you're facing and more certain "next steps". Next hurdle to clear x
I hope the waiting isn't too horiffic for you and there are no nasty surprises. You're doing brilliant and have made it so far; this is the point where you have a better idea of what you're facing and more certain "next steps". Next hurdle to clear x
Thank you. It was a conversation - fortunately no images sent - with a decoy posing as a 13 year old girl. Bearing in mind our eldest is 12 :(
OIC confirmed there was plenty of non-illegal and very risky online sexual behaviour demonstrated on his devices. And I suspect other, real underage girls on the receiving end of his vile online behaviour.
To be honest at this stage his inability to grasp the impact on me and our relationship is much more distressing / energy-sapping than his legal woes. By trying to embody 'not my circus, not my monkeys' I have managed to put some distance between me and his legal case. But the fact he seems to think it'll all go away once he's been sentenced, and he'll move back home, and we'll carry on as we did before, is absolutely bewildering. I think it's symptomatic of the complete lack of boundaries or empathy, and his sense of entitlement, which led to his illegal behaviour too.
OIC confirmed there was plenty of non-illegal and very risky online sexual behaviour demonstrated on his devices. And I suspect other, real underage girls on the receiving end of his vile online behaviour.
To be honest at this stage his inability to grasp the impact on me and our relationship is much more distressing / energy-sapping than his legal woes. By trying to embody 'not my circus, not my monkeys' I have managed to put some distance between me and his legal case. But the fact he seems to think it'll all go away once he's been sentenced, and he'll move back home, and we'll carry on as we did before, is absolutely bewildering. I think it's symptomatic of the complete lack of boundaries or empathy, and his sense of entitlement, which led to his illegal behaviour too.
No extra charges for my person either. Two attempted communication. Vigilante decoys. He got 12 month suspended sentence and 10 years on SOR and SHPO.
It's about 18 months since arrest to sentencing so not long compared to some. I hope it doesn't drag on for you much longer x
It's about 18 months since arrest to sentencing so not long compared to some. I hope it doesn't drag on for you much longer x
Thanks Caggie. Sounds very similar type of offence so fingers crossed for suspended sentence.
We're coming up to 1st anniversary of arrest, so should be ~18 months from start to finish.
What restrictions does your person have? Did they lose their job? Do you have children in the home? Sorry for all the Qs!!
We're coming up to 1st anniversary of arrest, so should be ~18 months from start to finish.
What restrictions does your person have? Did they lose their job? Do you have children in the home? Sorry for all the Qs!!
Caggie I've just remembered you kindly messaged me about a month ago in reply to some of my Qs so don't worry about going into detail here x
I don’t know where else to turn, so I’m posting here.
My husband was caught by a decoy posing as a 13-year-old. I only found out because the decoy posted him on Facebook — his face and name were everywhere. The police came to our home shortly after to seize devices. They told me that my husband had instructed them not to tell me why he was arrested. So I found out through Facebook, like everyone else.
Since then, the police have refused to tell me anything. But the decoy seems to be getting updates — and keeps sharing things on the page, like that there are other victims and that my husband has confessed to more. My husband says that's all exaggerated, and that there’s only one decoy — no real victims. I don’t know who to believe.
The bail condition is light — he’s not allowed unsupervised contact with kids — and his phone was returned after just five days. His bail ends in early June. No charges have been brought so far.
I want to believe this was a one-time thing, even though it was serious. I’ve since found out he’s had long-term issues with pornography and sex chat rooms. But this is a whole new level, and I’m deeply shaken. It turns out the medication he was on — Pramipexole — is known to cause compulsive sexual behaviour and gambling. Doctors took him off it, and he’s now in psychiatric rehab for both.
I’m helping him as much as I can because I want to believe that he can heal — that this was the medication and not who he really is. But I’ve also told him: if I find out there were real victims or anything more, I won’t stand by him anymore.
My children don’t know. I’ve shielded them from everything — made up stories to explain the whispers, the tension, the silence. But our neighbours won’t talk to us. Even family members have cut him off — including his own parents. No one calls. No one asks how we’re doing.
I feel isolated, ashamed, and unsure. I’m still trying to hold it together for our kidd.
I just wanted someone to hear this. To say it out loud.
My husband was caught by a decoy posing as a 13-year-old. I only found out because the decoy posted him on Facebook — his face and name were everywhere. The police came to our home shortly after to seize devices. They told me that my husband had instructed them not to tell me why he was arrested. So I found out through Facebook, like everyone else.
Since then, the police have refused to tell me anything. But the decoy seems to be getting updates — and keeps sharing things on the page, like that there are other victims and that my husband has confessed to more. My husband says that's all exaggerated, and that there’s only one decoy — no real victims. I don’t know who to believe.
The bail condition is light — he’s not allowed unsupervised contact with kids — and his phone was returned after just five days. His bail ends in early June. No charges have been brought so far.
I want to believe this was a one-time thing, even though it was serious. I’ve since found out he’s had long-term issues with pornography and sex chat rooms. But this is a whole new level, and I’m deeply shaken. It turns out the medication he was on — Pramipexole — is known to cause compulsive sexual behaviour and gambling. Doctors took him off it, and he’s now in psychiatric rehab for both.
I’m helping him as much as I can because I want to believe that he can heal — that this was the medication and not who he really is. But I’ve also told him: if I find out there were real victims or anything more, I won’t stand by him anymore.
My children don’t know. I’ve shielded them from everything — made up stories to explain the whispers, the tension, the silence. But our neighbours won’t talk to us. Even family members have cut him off — including his own parents. No one calls. No one asks how we’re doing.
I feel isolated, ashamed, and unsure. I’m still trying to hold it together for our kidd.
I just wanted someone to hear this. To say it out loud.
Oh Nona I'm so sorry xxx hugest hugs.