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I'm so angry today. Sick and tired of feeling like this we are only 2 weeks post knock. Does it get easier?? Please tell me it does. My person is my OH and I'm so shocked and saddened by all of this. We are currently still together.
We are due to get married this year and I don't know if I can do it. I mean he's still him but ahhhhhhh this is so hard.
Just needed to vent as I have no one else to talk too xx
We are due to get married this year and I don't know if I can do it. I mean he's still him but ahhhhhhh this is so hard.
Just needed to vent as I have no one else to talk too xx
It's almost like stages of grief you go through I we are past sentencing and conviction spent I have still not gotten angry I think I am scared too
Hello Angry, I'm so so sorry for you for finding yourself here and I totally get the way your are feeling. People tell me on here it does get easier, it does, I think, some days. I'm 7 months in and god only knows how I'm coping but I sort of am. It is such early days for you so go gently with yourself and all I would advise you for now is to try to look after yourself, eat, sleep, get fresh air, reach out on here and use the helpline. You will find them so kind and supportive. Sometimes it's a long wait but it's worth it. Only you can decide your future as a couple or not but I would say take your time... you will have plenty time as this is a long process. Could your wedding date be postponed? Such a lot for you to be going through and one of the hardest things about all this is that because of the shame we have to go it alone. Sending you a big hug xx
I really wish I could say it got better for me and my family. It didn't. He reoffended even after going to prison for the first offence. He's torn my family apart. I really really wish I'd walked away the first time. I hope so much that your situation turns out better than mine has. I know going forward that I can't have any of this in my life anymore. I treated him with such grace, showed him that we could all still care and support him even though he broke the law in the worst way but he threw it all back in our faces. I truly believed he'd never put us all through this again. I was so naive. Wishing you all the very best. X
Hi saint x
Thank you for your reply. Everyone on here seems lovely. I really appreciate your advice. I have spoken to my OH about postponing the wedding although that will bring a lot of questions as to why.
I feel like I need to tell my family what has happened but am so scared they will freak out cos I know I would've.
Can I ask if you have told people? What was there response like?
Thank you to the others that have responded too. Xx
Thank you for your reply. Everyone on here seems lovely. I really appreciate your advice. I have spoken to my OH about postponing the wedding although that will bring a lot of questions as to why.
I feel like I need to tell my family what has happened but am so scared they will freak out cos I know I would've.
Can I ask if you have told people? What was there response like?
Thank you to the others that have responded too. Xx
Hi Angry. Another angry here! I'm so sorry you've found yourself here, but glad you've reached out for support from people going through similar.
I'm almost 4 months into this and all i can say is that it does get easier as the shock starts to subside, but its a total rollercoaster. I've been OK for a few weeks and now the anger is setting in again. All you can do is take things day by day, till you can start taking things week by week. I'd highly recommend doing the Inform course. You can register via the helpline. It gives so much information and I'm finding it really helpful for being able to make a decision whether to stay in my marriage or go. Unfortunately, due to the backlog after covid, and the sheer numbers of these offences, this is a long process. Bail can get extended by 3 months at a time, then police assess the forensics evidence, send that to the CPS along with their suggested charges. Once they've decided if those charges can go ahead, it can then take weeks to go to Magistrates Court for the plea hearing, then further time to sentencing. No-one can tell you whether you should go ahead with your wedding, but just keep in mind that many cases are taking well over a year and longer to get to the charges, let alone court. How far away is your wedding? Postponing might be a good option as you'll have no idea when this will all come to a head. Plus, as painful as it is, in a few months you might feel that you no longer want to marry him. But as I say, that's your decision and yours alone. I hate to be so negative but I think these things are so important to know. I feel truly awful for you that you're going through this during what should be such an exciting and happy time. Take your time with any decisions you make, to make sure you're in the right frame of mind to stand by them. Feel free to message me directly. Take care xx
I'm almost 4 months into this and all i can say is that it does get easier as the shock starts to subside, but its a total rollercoaster. I've been OK for a few weeks and now the anger is setting in again. All you can do is take things day by day, till you can start taking things week by week. I'd highly recommend doing the Inform course. You can register via the helpline. It gives so much information and I'm finding it really helpful for being able to make a decision whether to stay in my marriage or go. Unfortunately, due to the backlog after covid, and the sheer numbers of these offences, this is a long process. Bail can get extended by 3 months at a time, then police assess the forensics evidence, send that to the CPS along with their suggested charges. Once they've decided if those charges can go ahead, it can then take weeks to go to Magistrates Court for the plea hearing, then further time to sentencing. No-one can tell you whether you should go ahead with your wedding, but just keep in mind that many cases are taking well over a year and longer to get to the charges, let alone court. How far away is your wedding? Postponing might be a good option as you'll have no idea when this will all come to a head. Plus, as painful as it is, in a few months you might feel that you no longer want to marry him. But as I say, that's your decision and yours alone. I hate to be so negative but I think these things are so important to know. I feel truly awful for you that you're going through this during what should be such an exciting and happy time. Take your time with any decisions you make, to make sure you're in the right frame of mind to stand by them. Feel free to message me directly. Take care xx
I'm 7 weeks post knock. The emotions come in waves but sometimes the reality of what it could mean for the future feels so utterly sad.
I have 3 small children and I have a huge fear of what it could mean for our family. My OH is the main bread winner and I fear he may lose his job and struggle to provide anything.
I also worry deeply about social services involvement if I were to give family life a go... and if it would even be possible with restrictions that could be in place.
His was a communication offence with an adult about a child (police decoy). No images. He insists he has no interest in children and knew he wasn't talking to a real person and it was more like trolling someone he knew wasn't real. Unfortunately, they have created a criminal and torn our family apart. I do believe him and I know he wouldn't harm our children but of course, social services are involved and he can't come home or have unsupervised access. I just don't know if we can ever go back to being a family and it is just heartbreaking.
The first couple of weeks were a blur and then reality sets in. If you were planning on marrying and having a family, please consider all the complications a conviction could bring. Having children with someone who has committed this sort of offence brings a whole raft of other complications. It's really important to make any decisions with your eyes wide open. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It is heartbreaking. I have told my mum and my OHs parents. They have been an incredible support - I knew they would be. We couldn't have got through the last few weeks without them. I know every family is different but telling those closest to us has made a huge difference in managing this mess...
I have 3 small children and I have a huge fear of what it could mean for our family. My OH is the main bread winner and I fear he may lose his job and struggle to provide anything.
I also worry deeply about social services involvement if I were to give family life a go... and if it would even be possible with restrictions that could be in place.
His was a communication offence with an adult about a child (police decoy). No images. He insists he has no interest in children and knew he wasn't talking to a real person and it was more like trolling someone he knew wasn't real. Unfortunately, they have created a criminal and torn our family apart. I do believe him and I know he wouldn't harm our children but of course, social services are involved and he can't come home or have unsupervised access. I just don't know if we can ever go back to being a family and it is just heartbreaking.
The first couple of weeks were a blur and then reality sets in. If you were planning on marrying and having a family, please consider all the complications a conviction could bring. Having children with someone who has committed this sort of offence brings a whole raft of other complications. It's really important to make any decisions with your eyes wide open. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It is heartbreaking. I have told my mum and my OHs parents. They have been an incredible support - I knew they would be. We couldn't have got through the last few weeks without them. I know every family is different but telling those closest to us has made a huge difference in managing this mess...
I've sent you a PM xx