Family and Friends Forum

I'd be really interested if anyone has any information on this and what actually happens. My person is my husband, we've separated but have a child together. Our social worker told me my child (who was 8 at the time of the knock) if they ever had children in future would be referred to social services if their dad was still around. That broke me. All I've done; the courses, the meetings, the hours of research and the safety plans to get them out of his life and not have him affected by this, and then decades into his future they'll come barging back in when he's happy and about to have a family of his own.



I was told that if I ever had children with anyone else or started a relationship with a man who already had children, I'd be referred straight back to them. It's almost like me and my son are being punished for some else's stupid mistakes.

My kids are of an age but this isn't something I've really thought about. My eldest did say that if I stayed with my husband and if he did have children (unlikely to be honest) that I would have minimal involvement in my grandchildren lives. That was one of the reasons I decided to end my marriage - the offending would never go away and I really didn't want to be on the perifory of my children and grandchildren lives.

My understanding is that ss would need a referral to become involved, they don't receive information on everyone who is pregnant or has a baby. Whilst your oh is on the sor this referral would come from visor or probation when he notifies them of a new child he has contact with.
If your children were under 18 when the arrest took place there may be a note on their medical records indicating previous ss involvement. I'm not sure how long that stays on for but it could be visible to the booking in midwife and could trigger a conversation about the ss involvement.
In my case with ss I've been signed off to supervise contact with any child in my care so I'd hope that should any referral be made regarding any grandchildren and their contact with my oh I'd be able to present the paperwork and the case would be closed.
Nothing was mentioned to me in terms of grandchildren despite my older children being of an age similar to yours Louise xxx

I'm a grandparent but in a different position to you as it's my son who is the offender rather than my partner. My son has a 'no unsupervised contact with anyone under 18 years' SHPO restriction which means he has to be supervised with his own children and the rest of my grandchildren. He lives with me and his own children spend weekends and school holidays with us.

SS are not involved as they are happy with the SHPO restriction. He has had the names of all my grandchildren registered on his SOR so there is no issue of any of them spending the night with us.

We also host bigger family events so on occasions there will be other young children from the family around for BBQ's, birthdays etc and again no concerns have ever been raised about this.

i hope this helps.

Maybe I've misinterpreted your post but are you saying that you'd prefer your husbands offending to be kept secret from any future mothers of grandchildren? As a mother to 4 myself, I would want to know of my children were going to be around a registered sex offender.

may I ask how your husband plans to get taken off his SOHPO and the sex offenders register 5 years into his 10 years? I'm just curious if that's possible x

Hi Louise,

So hopefully our situation will reassure you and give you some insight into how it worked for us.

At the time of the knock in Feb 2021 we had a 14 month old grandchild who lived with our son and his them partner (now wife) over 200 miles away. I didn't tell our son anything until the Summer of 2021 and despite the devastation he idolises his Dad and expressed his wish to do what he could to help us both. He naturally had to inform his wife which we thought may have caused problems however she also wanted to help and support us both as she knew how close we all were and at the same time both herself and our son needed to prioritise the safety of their child. We knew SS would be involved as the police informed us there would have to be a risk assessment for contact. Our son was very distressed at the treatment and attitude of SS despite the distance they treated our situation as if we lived next door to each other. I had to keep a lid on anger and frustrations at the time and I was the person who had to write a plan to safeguard our grandchild when they came to visit or vice versa. My husband was given 10 year SOR and SHPO with the only notification being for any child <18 staying for 12 hours or longer, he was still allowed access and contact. Once the plan was accepted by SS they discharged our case immediately and there was no further involvement with them until this year when our second grandchild was born in January, the police advised they had to follow procedure's and inform them but SS this time did not get involved and accepted we would continue to follow the original plan and again discharged us. Our son tells us there is no flag against our grandchildren's names on health records etc. I do believe that despite the anxiety at the time that my husband at the least would have been prevented from having any contact with his grandchildren the fact that we had candid, open and honest conversations helped us all move forward. Fast forward to now 4 years later and other than having to notify the police with contact arrangements the situation is never talked about with our son and family and we both have a loving and healthy relationship with both our son, his wife and our grandchildren. My husbands conviction was iioc and there was no engagement in any chat or contact offences.
I do believe this situation tested our loyalties and resilience, we had every expectation and acceptance that our daughter in law would walk away and not allow any contact but she herself said good people do bad things sometimes and she refuses to have her father in law defined by this conviction. I also think it was a testimony to the strength of their relationship knowing our son wanted to be there for his Dad. I shudder to this day the thought that any of our grandchildren could be the victims of these horrendous offences and all the time think of the real victims out there, and I have a heightened anxiety about our grandchildrens welfare (even though I know in reality there is no need).
I hope this helps to reassure you that things can be worked through and a positive outcome can be achieved.

Sending best wishes

Katie xxx

We have a 1 year old granddaughter that our daughter had nearly a year after the knock. The only involvement with SS that my daughter had with them was a phone call, where they said they were happy with what we are doing which is my OH can't have any unsupervised contact with our granddaughter. He's never alone with her as I'm always there or our daughter is.

Hi I never thought of this untill I read this post so does this mean even if the conviction is spend of my husband it doesn't make a driffence . So when my son grows up the whole ss involvement starts again ? Which sound very unfair .

Louise this isn't something to panic over right now

If he is off the SOR then SS wouldn't know unless you or your children actively told them. The health system currently does not alert for this type of situation as far as I know, especially when so historic and several generations removed.

The only potential for it to come up is if your child wanted to adopt or foster a child. In this case full background checks would be done on you and your husband and it would emerge at that point. If you get the sense this may be something that could happen, you should disclose to your child and their partner at the earliest opportunity to save a potential failed application.

It could also come up if your child wanted to do a job that required very high level security checks (think intelligence services, certain police roles etc)

These are both unlikely scenarios so don't let it keep you up at night!

From a moral point of view you have to tell future spouses / partners though, whatever about SS. I'd be furious if I wasn't told something like that. It's a massive betrayal of trust. I've seen the absolute havoc secret keeping has in families.

Sad&Scared

Id tell anyone who had children about my ex's conviction if they were going to be involved with him and had children under 16/18, regardless of whether SS's were involved or not. No one is 100% safe, obviously, but even more so with a conviction of this nature. I'd be so upset if my children had been to a sleep over with a friend and I wasn't told about a fathers conviction. I'd be really interested in statistics around how many people who apply to have their time on SOR reduced or similar and were successful. I imagine it's rare.

That's what I was told by social services.....obvs my partner is likely to be off the register by the time my child is an adult as they're still so young but they told me it doesn't matter. Spent conviction or not; if it's in my sons records or he tells healthcare at their booking/wants to adopt, a referral will be made to social services no matter how much time has passed.

Im hoping the laws and rules will have changed by then, as its just such a depressing future that my child will never be able to escape this.

It will always come up on enhanced checks, because it's a safeguarding issue regardless of how historic. Social services can see (if police decide to disclose and they almost always will) all criminal record and suspected criminal activity when doing enhanced checks for things like adoption, but unless disclosed by your child it won't be known at midwife booking appointments etc.

This isn't just for sex offences so it's not singled out specifically, it's simply seen as a potential risk that has to be assessed.

We can never know anyone else's full history - deciding to disclose is in my view an entirely personal matter.