Struggling
Notifications OFF
Sorry for the ramble.
My husband was charged with having iioc at the end of 2023 and was sentenced in March 2025. For a year he continued to live at my home, there was no restrictions on him living with our children or returning to work. He lied about the ages. Right or wrong I was led to believe it was people that looked of age but turned out to be just under 16.
I didn't find out the ages (6+) until it hit the newspapers in Feb this year, that same i told him to pack his stuff.
He was sentenced to 16months in prison in March and will likely be out in October.
I'm not really sure why I'm posting i just need to know im not alone. I've been looking for local counseling or support because I prefer to talk and listen but such a thing doesn't seem to exist.
All neighbours family work etc know. Neighbours don't speak to me but they don't cause trouble. And work have been amazing, he also worked there so it's been alot to unpack
I'm angry
My husband was charged with having iioc at the end of 2023 and was sentenced in March 2025. For a year he continued to live at my home, there was no restrictions on him living with our children or returning to work. He lied about the ages. Right or wrong I was led to believe it was people that looked of age but turned out to be just under 16.
I didn't find out the ages (6+) until it hit the newspapers in Feb this year, that same i told him to pack his stuff.
He was sentenced to 16months in prison in March and will likely be out in October.
I'm not really sure why I'm posting i just need to know im not alone. I've been looking for local counseling or support because I prefer to talk and listen but such a thing doesn't seem to exist.
All neighbours family work etc know. Neighbours don't speak to me but they don't cause trouble. And work have been amazing, he also worked there so it's been alot to unpack
I'm angry
I can't offer any words of advice but I can totally empathise.....
yoh are not alone; we're in a similar boat in the same awful storm.
Mine didn't lie about the ages but was very selective in the details they shared. Said they couldn't remember exactly what had been said. It was a police decoy pretending to be a 15yrs old which is horrific enough. I couldn't trust them and social services involvement pushed me to my limits. We've been separated since the start (restrictions meant we had to regardless of what final decision I made). My divorce was issued the same day as plea. Unfortunately it has hit the press within hours; with full sensational details of the conversation in the article and a clickbait title. I knew it would be bad but didn't realise the full conversation would be printed. It's humiliating. My family have read the whole article (the headline was enough for me) and advised me not to read it but they've warned me it's worse than he'd made out. I'm guessing he was trying to make excuses for himself. I just want this all to be over so I can move on with my life and start again but my god it's a tough job rebuilding-the blows just keep coming.
we get stronger every day, and if we can get through this....we can get through anything.
yoh are not alone; we're in a similar boat in the same awful storm.
Mine didn't lie about the ages but was very selective in the details they shared. Said they couldn't remember exactly what had been said. It was a police decoy pretending to be a 15yrs old which is horrific enough. I couldn't trust them and social services involvement pushed me to my limits. We've been separated since the start (restrictions meant we had to regardless of what final decision I made). My divorce was issued the same day as plea. Unfortunately it has hit the press within hours; with full sensational details of the conversation in the article and a clickbait title. I knew it would be bad but didn't realise the full conversation would be printed. It's humiliating. My family have read the whole article (the headline was enough for me) and advised me not to read it but they've warned me it's worse than he'd made out. I'm guessing he was trying to make excuses for himself. I just want this all to be over so I can move on with my life and start again but my god it's a tough job rebuilding-the blows just keep coming.
we get stronger every day, and if we can get through this....we can get through anything.
Hi there,
I'm so sorry to read your message. I just wanted to say that I have found brilliant counselling support through the charity Acts Fast. They have truly helped me to cope at times I didn't think it was possible. I'd definitely recommend checking it out.
X
I'm so sorry to read your message. I just wanted to say that I have found brilliant counselling support through the charity Acts Fast. They have truly helped me to cope at times I didn't think it was possible. I'd definitely recommend checking it out.
X
Hi, 8 years ago, my husband of 30 years was arrested for IIOC. We had 4 children. He was remanded in custody and about a month later he was sentenced to * years in prison. I lost my husband, my best friend, my carer and my kids father. It too went in the press and on the Police FB page. All my friends left. I was threatened with eviction and was destined to a life on benefits. I decided to teach my children that although he'd done something terrible and had broken the law in one of the worst ways, we could still support him. I decided to visit him in prison which was another reason my friends left. Eventually he was released and although we were divorced by then, he became part of our lives. I believed that he would never, ever put us all through that hell again, especially as he was sent to prison for a first offence. 3 years ago he was rearrested for very similar crimes. I was dumbfounded. He's due sentencing imminently and I'm sure he'll be going to prison. I really really regret letting him back into my life. He's destroyed me and my youngest in particular. There's no way forward now for us. So, I hear you and you certainly aren't alone although it sure feels like that! Stop SO have specialist councellers so you could look into that. I hope you can start to rebuild your life in whichever way you choose and I wish you all the very best. X
I'm so sorry. Experiences like yours are why I would always urge people to wait till they see the evidence rather than automatically believing the person under investigation. But that takes years which I know is incredibly hard.
Thank you for the replies.
It's horrible to say but it does make me feel slightly better hearing others experiences.
I just can't wrap my head around being with someone for nearly 20years and not knowing them. Although for the last 9 we were more like friends and room mates ( separate beds) then the final year not even that because I hated him so much, but then I lost my friend which hurt more than anything, and having to pretend everything was ok because we worked together.
He said he was severely depressed and had a p*rn addiction which led him down a rabbit hole.
It's horrible to say but it does make me feel slightly better hearing others experiences.
I just can't wrap my head around being with someone for nearly 20years and not knowing them. Although for the last 9 we were more like friends and room mates ( separate beds) then the final year not even that because I hated him so much, but then I lost my friend which hurt more than anything, and having to pretend everything was ok because we worked together.
He said he was severely depressed and had a p*rn addiction which led him down a rabbit hole.
Oh sunflower
Im so sorry you've had to go through this. Its the lies and complete secret side and lengths gone to cover up that really hits you hard when it's someone you thought you were so close to and knew so well.
but had I found out myself before the knock or started to have suspicions; that wouldn't have been any less painful either. There's no nice or less hurtful way to find this out.
I too had been with my person decades and there were no obvious signs. even after all the counselling and education I've done post knock about warning signs; they were only very subtle and I've only spotted them with hindsight already knowing what he'd done.
you'll never know whether they've told you the whole truth or just their version of it unless you go to court or see the evidence for yourself. Which nobody really looks forward trolley and can be years down the line.
Im so sorry you've had to go through this. Its the lies and complete secret side and lengths gone to cover up that really hits you hard when it's someone you thought you were so close to and knew so well.
but had I found out myself before the knock or started to have suspicions; that wouldn't have been any less painful either. There's no nice or less hurtful way to find this out.
I too had been with my person decades and there were no obvious signs. even after all the counselling and education I've done post knock about warning signs; they were only very subtle and I've only spotted them with hindsight already knowing what he'd done.
you'll never know whether they've told you the whole truth or just their version of it unless you go to court or see the evidence for yourself. Which nobody really looks forward trolley and can be years down the line.
In some ways I'm glad I've never attended court with him, I never wanted to look like im supporting him. And I dont want to hear anymore details than I've had to read in the papers.
I have my 1st counselling session on Tuesday. I will also look in to the places mentioned on this thread, that's been very helpful.
It's still very early days and most days I'm ok then I start thinking of my children's future and how he'll never be at any of their big events.
Just had my daughters birthday, in some ways I'm glad that's the 1st without him out the way.
It's almost like a death?
I have my 1st counselling session on Tuesday. I will also look in to the places mentioned on this thread, that's been very helpful.
It's still very early days and most days I'm ok then I start thinking of my children's future and how he'll never be at any of their big events.
Just had my daughters birthday, in some ways I'm glad that's the 1st without him out the way.
It's almost like a death?