Family and Friends Forum

My husband was caught by a decoy posing as a 13-year-old. I found out via facebook because the decoy posted him on Facebook when he got arrested — his face and name were everywhere. The police came to our home shortly after to seize devices. They told me that my husband had instructed them not to tell me why he was arrested. But it was already Facebook, like everyone else, I knew.



Since then, the police have refused to tell me anything. But the decoy seems to be getting updates — and keeps sharing things on the page, like that there are other victims and that my husband has confessed to more. My husband says that's all exaggerated, and that there’s only one decoy — no real victims. I don’t know what to believe. He swears he has never done something like this before.

The bail condition is light — he’s not allowed unsupervised contact with kids — and his phone was returned after just five days. His bail ends in early June. No charges have been brought so far.



I want to believe this was a one-time thing, even though it was serious. I’ve since found out he’s had long-term issues with pornography and sex chat rooms. But this is a whole new level, and I’m deeply shaken. It turns out the medication he was on — Pramipexole — is known to cause compulsive sexual behaviour and gambling. Doctors took him off it, and he’s now in psychiatric rehab for both.

I’m helping him as much as I can because I want to believe that he can heal — that this was the medication and not who he really is. But I’ve also told him: if I find out there were real victims or anything more, I won’t stand by him anymore.



My children don’t know. I’ve shielded them from everything — made up stories to explain the whispers, the tension, the silence. But our neighbours won’t talk to us. Even family members have cut him off — including his own parents. No one calls. No one asks how we’re doing, ever.



I feel isolated, ashamed, and unsure. I’m still trying to hold it together for our boys. Social services is involved but the man assigned to us is very rude, when he talks to me, he reminds me of my abusive father. He has no empathy and extremely judgemental.

I am unemployed because of baby and have no rights to public funds. Universal credit just informed my husband that because he has moved out and stays in an emergency accommodation, they cannot pay rent here, I'm terrified. He can move back but than social services will be on my case. They already think I am not doing enough to protect the children even though we are adhering to the bail conditions.

My husband lost his job due to the Facebook post because it mentioned his employer.

It's just alot going on. I feel numb.

Hi Daisy.

You are absolutely right. What i meant by that is that I'm happy it wasn't an actual child but it doesn't excuse the behaviour.



Im just confused and overwhelmed, I guess. Thank you for your response.