Feel like i should be doing more but it's hard?
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Hi I'm really struggling with not seeing my son regularly he had to move out after arrested now got his own little flat first time been away from home! He's 18 nearly 19. He works full time and so do I plus have my other child to look after so don't have time to pop up in the week to see him I would love for him to be able to pop and see me which he is allowed if supervised with younger one but my partner doesn't want him anywhere near the house because he said when it all comes out he wants to be able to say when we found out we kicked him out and hasn't been bk since! Hoping will make life easier for us with neighbours which I kind of understand, but I just want him to be able to pop in now an then to say hi and be around family. My partner will speak to him by text now an then and as seen him once since all this 4 5 months ago which is hard because they was soo close been his stepdad since young. Don't really know what to do I hate that he is on his own day in day out at that flat apart from when at work. When I do pop and see him it's only for an hour or so then I hate having to leave an always leave upset don't really know where I'm going with this just had to write it down as struggling I know he's done wrong 100 percent but I just want to help him and it breaks me x
This is such a tricky situation for you and i don't have a clear answer to help but I do know that with these things it can be a thankless task trying to hide the truth and sometimes it's best to just do the best you can, support your son, let him come home supervised to see you, and let the future look after itself. Also you might be surprised at how kind people can be towards you if things become public - and there is always the chance that it never becomes public knowledge anyway. Has your partner considered the damage he could do to your family and with no need? Of course you want to see your son and to keep him as part of the family. I wish your partner could get that, but it is early days for you all and i so hope that in time he will soften and realise the strength in family standing firm and letting what others think become unimportant - because in the grand scheme of things it is, although it doesn't feel like that at the time, so I don't say that lightly and wish you all the best with this impossible situation xx
Rainyday52
Thank you for your reply appreciate it! That is what I want to do I really just want him to be able to pop in on a weekend for a couple hours bring me his washing have a chat make him some lunch. My partner is very black and white said he clearly wasn't thinking of us when he was looking at stuff in our house. I know my son was struggling a bit didn't think this would happen though but yh my partner is trying to save face where as I really don't think if it came out I'd be able to not look out for him still it's my son I love him to bits I hate what he's done but I still love him!. Like you said it might not come out which I'm kind of hoping but then I still think I need to tell family which I haven't yet I'm dreading there reaction so is my son and really doesn't want to tell them. Few people keep asking me if my sons been to visit since he's moved our aswell an when I say no they find it weird but like I say my partner doesn't want me to let him cus he's adamant it will come out in paper then when people look at dates an if we was still letting him come round they are gonna judge us. I'm rambling again sorry x
Thank you for your reply appreciate it! That is what I want to do I really just want him to be able to pop in on a weekend for a couple hours bring me his washing have a chat make him some lunch. My partner is very black and white said he clearly wasn't thinking of us when he was looking at stuff in our house. I know my son was struggling a bit didn't think this would happen though but yh my partner is trying to save face where as I really don't think if it came out I'd be able to not look out for him still it's my son I love him to bits I hate what he's done but I still love him!. Like you said it might not come out which I'm kind of hoping but then I still think I need to tell family which I haven't yet I'm dreading there reaction so is my son and really doesn't want to tell them. Few people keep asking me if my sons been to visit since he's moved our aswell an when I say no they find it weird but like I say my partner doesn't want me to let him cus he's adamant it will come out in paper then when people look at dates an if we was still letting him come round they are gonna judge us. I'm rambling again sorry x